I really don't want to write this blog honestly................. been dreading since it came to my mind last week when I was reading a book. I guess because of this coming Monday is the 5 year marker and the truth is that it's still as painful as the day it happened. Not the physical pain, but the emotional pain has been more then I ever thought I could bear.
What I'm about to share with all of you some of you may have never heard me talk about this before and others may have heard just parts of the story. I'm going to take you down a very down this path so please just sit back and follow along as I navigate the story for you. It's Dec 19th 2006 and my CET (convoy escort team) along with 25 or so fuel tankers. I'm talking about the ones your see filling up gas stations. My truck was the scout truck meaning we were 3-400 meters in front of the lead truck for the convoy. Basically we're looking for I.E.D.s and any suspicious activity that could pose a threat to security of the rest of the convoy. So at this stage in our mission we've left one base to return to our home base and we'd probably been on the road for maybe 2 hours, but I'd say about 1 1/2 hours. That's when our world got turned upside down. We had just made a transition from a secondary route to another secondary which required us to take an off ramp which lead into well very crappy part of Iraq. After we had came down off the off ramp we had just picked up a little speed as to keep our interval with the convoy and that's when it happened. BOOM! The I.E.D. exploded throwing a big piece of burning hot copper from the right side of the truck to the left side. The I.E.D. had almost completely severed the right arm below the elbow of the guy who was sitting next to me. As the shrapnel flew through the truck it was as if time slowed downed and I distinctly remember the shrapnel hitting me on the wrist and face then in what seemed like minutes the concussion of the blast finally hit causing me to break my nose then go unconscious. What I heard when I woke up confirmed my fears. I knew I needed help because there was no way that I could manage such a critically wounded soldier on my own. My gunner wasn't going to be much help due to the amount of shrapnel he received. It was my gunner who was able to single the other trucks to get up here fast all because of a chemical light. As the trucks came up and security was in place we began to work on the severely wounded my gunner and my T.C. (truck commander). It was me and one other person working on my gunner, our medic along with a few other people were working on our T.C. and it just so happened that our medic on the civilian side was a paramedic for city back in Minnesota. What seemed like hours was probably no more then 30minutes of being on the ground before the medevac (same as emergency medical helicopters) arrived on scene to take the three of to a military hospital in the Green Zone. Once I was there I had a CAT scan done then from there I was taken to a open room where I was given an I.V. and cleaned up my this medic. She was absolutely calm, ready to do whatever needed to be done. She wiped the dried blood off my face, pulled small pieces of shrapnel out and off of my face, and bandaged my left wrist which still had a chunk of shrapnel inside of it that would later fester and be pulled out by one of my buddies. After all this had happened I was taken to a room that was filled with soldiers like myself in some way shape or form. I found a rack (bed) and put my things on it as most of the guys were sleeping. A few minutes later a guy asked me if I wanted to see my buddies who had gone through the entire event with me. I just remember standing there in complete shock of how rough my buddies look compared to me. We talked for what seemed to be only 10 to 15 minutes before a guy came looking for me. I was then in a sense escorted to the on call shrink because what I had exhibited signs of what the Army refers to 1000 yard stare. It's as if the soldier is looking off into nothingness, emotionless almost. In complete shock basically.
I spent nearly two days in this hospital and constantly seeing the pain of hurting men. Men who've been shot at, blown up, tore up, and just beaten up. I met three men at this hospital during my time there that made a lasting impression on me and I remember them to this day. The first shared a room with a buddy of mine. This man was being sent back stateside due to the severity of his wounds that his received from the I.E.D. blast that he bad been in. He made me look like nothing compared to his wounds and we talked much about life. He talked of his daughter and her wedding that would be taking place soon and how much he missed his family. The second was a was an older man who had been shot in the hand while out on patrol with his soldiers and he had returned for surgery on his hand. The third was a younger man who had been wounded by the same type of I.E.D. that had wounded me. In the two days or so that I had been at this hospital I experienced much more then I ever thought I would honestly. I witnessed an angel flight which is where the bodies of fallen soldiers are loaded on helicopters then flown out of the country and are usually escorted as well. On the night I put my buddies on the helicopter for them to leave Iraq was unusually hard. I was sitting at a computer desk messing around on what then was the only social media device that being myspace, it just so happens that as I was getting to stand up the medic who took care of me was passing by. She asked me one very simple question, " How are you doing ?" I said I think we should go somewhere to talk and it all came out. I was in tears literally seconds after talking with her, this was so painful for me, to have gone through so much then lose the only guys who really understood what we had been through. That memory is still etched in my brain to this day. I remember her face, where we were sitting, and the sights and sounds as people passed by.
Two days later I'm sitting in a little tent at one of the bases where we traveled with our convoys waiting to get picked, but due to the amount of fog it had been made nearly impossible until the night of the 24th of December............... Christmas Eve. Go figure right lol So I had heard that there was possibly a handful of trucks from my unit heading southbound and swinging by to pick me up on their way south. During the trip south before they had a little run in with an I.E.D. thankfully they only substantiated vehicle damage and that no one way wounded. We picked up food at the chow hall then made our way south. The leg of the journey I fell asleep and just remember waking up a little north of our base. We arrived on Christmas morning around 0230ish, I pretty much ran to my trailer dropped my gear off and looking for anyone from my platoon. As I entered my trailer my roommate had set bowl with little goodies such as Hershey Kisses, suckers, and Kraft Easy Mac for when we didn't want to leave the trailer. I quickly dropped my body armor and ran to my squad leaders room where I pretty much pounded on his door and I was ecstatic when he answered. We embraced in a hug that only soldiers who've seen combat could understand or mothers and fathers who've lost sons. We talked and slowing, but surely my squad-mates entered in the tiny room. We talked and talked for a long time, then in typical military fashion we all headed outside for a smoke for those of us that smoked. We continued to talk about everything that happened that night, in some sense it was kind of like a counseling session for everyone involved that night. A few weeks later I would go on my last convoy ever and that was the end me doing convoy missions in Iraq.
Finished! Finally! Whew that was a post and a half and it didn't start or end easy at all. Thank you all for reading my blog.......... I really do appreciate that. I hope you all enjoy Christmas with your families and friends! Take care and God bless!
© Nathan Fahlin
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Healing and Restoration part 2
Little did I know that I would be coming back to topic and what happened Sunday was another example and way that God has shown me what He wants to do with my life and through me. Man what a day that was for me....... never have I cried that much or that hard.
This is the events of what transpired and what has happened since that time. I'm going to share some memories with all of you just to kinda give you an idea and paint the picture so to speak.. So let's rewind to the 19th of December 2006 and reply some events. The I.E.D. (improvised explosive device or roadside bomb) had just gone off, I had waken up from the concussion that I received to hear what confirmed the worst. After a lot of work by everyone who was there that day the 3 of us made it out alive. The three of us had just got on board the helicopter that was taking us a hospital, during that flight I was irate, anger, and all sorts of pissed. In the coming weeks I met with a Chaplin to talk about the events of what happened. I had a lot of questions and I still do. I was honestly upset with God, I wondered why it had happened, what purpose would it serve. It's almost 5 years after the fact and I'm still no closer to finding the answers to my questions. That's okay though because so much has changed because of what God has been doing in my life.
Let's jump now to this past Sunday and what happened there. Well right away when I woke up for some reason or another I was generally frustrated, hacked off, and annoyed. I didn't really know why honestly, but I knew that I was yet I still had responsibilities to fulfill. I went downstairs and proceeded to check the kids into Sunday School. After a while a friend came down and we talked a bit, but little did we both know that was just the beginning of what would happen. She went back up stairs and a few minutes later she came back down. What unfolded was healing, not just any old healing this was powerful, it went deep to the core of my heart. We talked about the anger I was feeling and how to process it, that's when she shared about what she had experienced when she lost her son at the tender age of 19. After having at it with God the only words she heard back was "I love you." At that moment the conversation changed, she knelt next to me and put her hand on my knee. I wept like had never wept before, she prayed as the song Forever Reign played in the background. (LOL!!!! This isn't even the best part!) The prayer was holy in every sense of the word, it was powerful, pure, and perfect that I have ever heard. After she had prayed, we hugged. The best part is what happened at the end of Sunday School when I got two cards from a boy and a girl from the Prek -K classroom. In the cards "I love you" was written................. I'm pretty sure I just got two cards from God.
What an amazing day................. this whole week has just been to good so far! I'm grateful that I get to share this with all of you who are reading my blog. What a God we serve.................. how grateful I am because so much has changed since being back at Anchor Point my home in a sense. This is my story and I'm sticking to it! May God Bless you and your families!
© Nathan Fahlin
This is the events of what transpired and what has happened since that time. I'm going to share some memories with all of you just to kinda give you an idea and paint the picture so to speak.. So let's rewind to the 19th of December 2006 and reply some events. The I.E.D. (improvised explosive device or roadside bomb) had just gone off, I had waken up from the concussion that I received to hear what confirmed the worst. After a lot of work by everyone who was there that day the 3 of us made it out alive. The three of us had just got on board the helicopter that was taking us a hospital, during that flight I was irate, anger, and all sorts of pissed. In the coming weeks I met with a Chaplin to talk about the events of what happened. I had a lot of questions and I still do. I was honestly upset with God, I wondered why it had happened, what purpose would it serve. It's almost 5 years after the fact and I'm still no closer to finding the answers to my questions. That's okay though because so much has changed because of what God has been doing in my life.
Let's jump now to this past Sunday and what happened there. Well right away when I woke up for some reason or another I was generally frustrated, hacked off, and annoyed. I didn't really know why honestly, but I knew that I was yet I still had responsibilities to fulfill. I went downstairs and proceeded to check the kids into Sunday School. After a while a friend came down and we talked a bit, but little did we both know that was just the beginning of what would happen. She went back up stairs and a few minutes later she came back down. What unfolded was healing, not just any old healing this was powerful, it went deep to the core of my heart. We talked about the anger I was feeling and how to process it, that's when she shared about what she had experienced when she lost her son at the tender age of 19. After having at it with God the only words she heard back was "I love you." At that moment the conversation changed, she knelt next to me and put her hand on my knee. I wept like had never wept before, she prayed as the song Forever Reign played in the background. (LOL!!!! This isn't even the best part!) The prayer was holy in every sense of the word, it was powerful, pure, and perfect that I have ever heard. After she had prayed, we hugged. The best part is what happened at the end of Sunday School when I got two cards from a boy and a girl from the Prek -K classroom. In the cards "I love you" was written................. I'm pretty sure I just got two cards from God.
What an amazing day................. this whole week has just been to good so far! I'm grateful that I get to share this with all of you who are reading my blog. What a God we serve.................. how grateful I am because so much has changed since being back at Anchor Point my home in a sense. This is my story and I'm sticking to it! May God Bless you and your families!
© Nathan Fahlin
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Expriences Part 2
Okay this is kind of strange. As I was spending my morning time with God this came to me like a river rushing over the rocks. I was just kind of shocked by how quickly this second post came up and how vivid the memories still are.
These experiences that I'm going to share are probably ones that I've honestly never shared with anyone outside the military before and if I have they have been few and far between. So to piggy back my last blog post I was talking about a soldier we had lost and how we all missed him. What I didn't share was that same day our entire company was there when we put his coffin a board a plane headed for home.
A few days after when things hand calmed down a bit my squad leader had been tasked to assemble a crew of 8 soldiers for the funeral. Seven of us where were part of the rifle team who were going to perform a 21 gun salute, the eighth is the bugle player. I remember going throw all the practices leading up to day of the funeral, drilling on movements, listening on commands, making sure our weapons were immaculate, and along with a crisp looking uniform. It was truly amazing to watch everything come together over the course of the week or so. How everyone involved put their best effort into everything they did just to honor this one soldier and he deserved it if you ask me.
The day of the funeral we were all their earlier to make any last minute preparations. The entire group of soldiers who made up from the speakers, to rifle detail it was simply amazing. Everyone was looking sharp, rifles we immaculate, and everything was in order. The hardest thing for me now is recalling the speakers and listening to them talk about Nick and what he had accomplished while on the deployment. They spoke of is ability to pick up on new equipment, his motivation to lose weight, to finish school to become a cop, and to be one of the best trained soldiers a leader could ever ask for. I remember marching outside of the building preparing for the 21 gun salute, hearing the commands, and going up front to pay our respects to our fallen soldier Sargent Nicholas D. Turcotte.
The vividness of the memories is still there today. I can see all the faces of everyone from the platoon, company, and leaders who came by to pay their respects. It's been to long since I've shared this memory with anyone, veteran and non veteran a like. This month of December which is usually a joyful month was turned into a month of morning, sadness, anger, and frustration. We had a couple more days off before we were allowed to return to duty after the passing of our friend. During this time we spent sometime shooting weapons, preparing our vehicles for our upcoming missions which we only knew that it would happen before long.
© Nathan Fahlin
These experiences that I'm going to share are probably ones that I've honestly never shared with anyone outside the military before and if I have they have been few and far between. So to piggy back my last blog post I was talking about a soldier we had lost and how we all missed him. What I didn't share was that same day our entire company was there when we put his coffin a board a plane headed for home.
A few days after when things hand calmed down a bit my squad leader had been tasked to assemble a crew of 8 soldiers for the funeral. Seven of us where were part of the rifle team who were going to perform a 21 gun salute, the eighth is the bugle player. I remember going throw all the practices leading up to day of the funeral, drilling on movements, listening on commands, making sure our weapons were immaculate, and along with a crisp looking uniform. It was truly amazing to watch everything come together over the course of the week or so. How everyone involved put their best effort into everything they did just to honor this one soldier and he deserved it if you ask me.
The day of the funeral we were all their earlier to make any last minute preparations. The entire group of soldiers who made up from the speakers, to rifle detail it was simply amazing. Everyone was looking sharp, rifles we immaculate, and everything was in order. The hardest thing for me now is recalling the speakers and listening to them talk about Nick and what he had accomplished while on the deployment. They spoke of is ability to pick up on new equipment, his motivation to lose weight, to finish school to become a cop, and to be one of the best trained soldiers a leader could ever ask for. I remember marching outside of the building preparing for the 21 gun salute, hearing the commands, and going up front to pay our respects to our fallen soldier Sargent Nicholas D. Turcotte.
The vividness of the memories is still there today. I can see all the faces of everyone from the platoon, company, and leaders who came by to pay their respects. It's been to long since I've shared this memory with anyone, veteran and non veteran a like. This month of December which is usually a joyful month was turned into a month of morning, sadness, anger, and frustration. We had a couple more days off before we were allowed to return to duty after the passing of our friend. During this time we spent sometime shooting weapons, preparing our vehicles for our upcoming missions which we only knew that it would happen before long.
© Nathan Fahlin
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Expriences Part 1
Wow what a week it has been I that I will say............ so glad it's Wednesday only problem is I work Saturday 8am-1pm lol! Oh well I'll get through it and to be honest I don't mind working at McDonald's and sure there are a few people I don't care to work with, but oh well (wow where did that rabbit come from cause that's one heck of a rabbit trail lol).
Okay back on topic. I'm going to share with all of you who read my blog some of my experiences from Iraq with you in the coming post. This is the first and therefore a bit of an introduction to what life in Iraq was. The setting is Tallil Air Base right outside the city of Ah-Nasiriyah which is located in the south central part of the country. It's December 2nd and I'm in chow hall getting my dinner or lunch cause at that time I was on the night shift. A buddy of mine is chatting it up with one of the medics who rides along with us when we do convoy escort missions up north. My buddy is the type of guy who can talk to anyone, anywhere, and instantly strike up a conversation. Well once again he's just talking to someone as I walk by I just give him a "Hey what's up." and continue to fill my plate with food. Little did I know that it would be the last time I would see him a live. Two days later I would learn of his fate and what began to be a hard month for all of us. It affected all us in many different ways, some took it hard while others dealt with it less painfully.
We were on the trucks to do a quick recovery mission to a small patrol base..... basically a walk in the park. I remember walking around the trucks talking to my buddies, getting everything situated for the mission. From the beginning I knew there was something wrong the way our leadership were constantly being called away and the way they reacted when any of us asked a question. So fast forward to about 12pm or 1pm some where in that frame. We had gotten back from the mission, gear off loaded, and trucks dropped off. A few moments later our squad leader gathered us around to inform that we had lost a soldier in a vehicle accident. That soldier was Nicholas Trucotte, who was infamous because of a certain situation which I will not recall. Nick was the type of guy you could go to when you were in a funk, needed help when you couldn't figure something out, or someone to talk to. I remember playing Tiger Woods Golf on his XBOX 360. He was a great friend and a good soldier. By now many of you might recognize the name because just recently was the fifth year marking his lose.
There is hardly a day that goes by that I don't think about him and what he meant to all of us. Sharing the good time, the bad times, and the times where it was just like life wouldn't move forward. I can't believe that it's already been five years................... wow time truly does fly honestly. You know this is my second December out of the military and away from everything that I understood and now look at me. There are times when I do think that I'd rather be back in the military and I'm not sure that feeling, urge or whatever you wanna call it will ever leave, but I'm becoming okay with that. I'm just grateful for coming home.
Like always I hope you all enjoy reading my blogs and I will continue to write them as long as their is material to put on the net lol There will be a few more parts to this blog and this was just the start of it.
© Nathan Fahlin
Okay back on topic. I'm going to share with all of you who read my blog some of my experiences from Iraq with you in the coming post. This is the first and therefore a bit of an introduction to what life in Iraq was. The setting is Tallil Air Base right outside the city of Ah-Nasiriyah which is located in the south central part of the country. It's December 2nd and I'm in chow hall getting my dinner or lunch cause at that time I was on the night shift. A buddy of mine is chatting it up with one of the medics who rides along with us when we do convoy escort missions up north. My buddy is the type of guy who can talk to anyone, anywhere, and instantly strike up a conversation. Well once again he's just talking to someone as I walk by I just give him a "Hey what's up." and continue to fill my plate with food. Little did I know that it would be the last time I would see him a live. Two days later I would learn of his fate and what began to be a hard month for all of us. It affected all us in many different ways, some took it hard while others dealt with it less painfully.
We were on the trucks to do a quick recovery mission to a small patrol base..... basically a walk in the park. I remember walking around the trucks talking to my buddies, getting everything situated for the mission. From the beginning I knew there was something wrong the way our leadership were constantly being called away and the way they reacted when any of us asked a question. So fast forward to about 12pm or 1pm some where in that frame. We had gotten back from the mission, gear off loaded, and trucks dropped off. A few moments later our squad leader gathered us around to inform that we had lost a soldier in a vehicle accident. That soldier was Nicholas Trucotte, who was infamous because of a certain situation which I will not recall. Nick was the type of guy you could go to when you were in a funk, needed help when you couldn't figure something out, or someone to talk to. I remember playing Tiger Woods Golf on his XBOX 360. He was a great friend and a good soldier. By now many of you might recognize the name because just recently was the fifth year marking his lose.
There is hardly a day that goes by that I don't think about him and what he meant to all of us. Sharing the good time, the bad times, and the times where it was just like life wouldn't move forward. I can't believe that it's already been five years................... wow time truly does fly honestly. You know this is my second December out of the military and away from everything that I understood and now look at me. There are times when I do think that I'd rather be back in the military and I'm not sure that feeling, urge or whatever you wanna call it will ever leave, but I'm becoming okay with that. I'm just grateful for coming home.
Like always I hope you all enjoy reading my blogs and I will continue to write them as long as their is material to put on the net lol There will be a few more parts to this blog and this was just the start of it.
© Nathan Fahlin
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)