Over the course of the summer of 2014 I had one of the roughest periods since coming back home from Iraq and the depression was like nothing else honestly. I remember one afternoon is particular that when as I was watching a video series by John Eldridge and his sons. The video was specifically focused on that when going through trials pain isn't the biggest battle. The biggest challenge is with doubt and despair, that even now there are moments of doubt and despair, but the beauty of it all there is something bigger waiting in the end of my journey.
I think there is a lot of people out there in the world who deal with doubt and despair, who maybe have misconceptions about christianity and this "religion is all about." One of the biggest things that I have noticed in my life even when there seems to be darkness all around me in this peculiar light that tells me to look ahead and not to the moment. Not sure how to describe this, but even now amongst the challenges of life and the battles which have been waged for our lives there is this peace that surpasses all understanding.
But back to the video which I was watching this summer; last week I went through some of the thoughts that came from which helped me understand what was being spoken and how the challenges we face aren't the pain that comes from loss, but the darkness and despair which we face in the quiet of the night. Just last week I went through a bout of depression that Satan used to interject some nasty thoughts, but hey I'm still not because of anything I've done. Psalm 73:26 says this, "My flesh and my heart may fail. but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Instead of doing things on his own Asaph understood that God was his strength and his portion thus showing us that God can do everything and in our fragility we need his strength.
You see my biggest challenge is the doubt and the despair and for those of you who read this I'm going to be exceptionally clear here as possible. That being said, depression has been a constant battle since about 4th or 5th grade and along with that depression came dark and condemning thoughts of suicide which satan interjects when I am at my weakest. I can tell you that these are not my thoughts and that I've never attempted suicide, but in these moments of doubt and despair this thought comes trailing in like that of a cold nor'easter rolling into Duluth which is beautiful in it's own way, but just like that night when the Edmond Fitzgerald went with those waves on Lake Superior so do those waves beat against me.
But here's the flip side to that coin and the hope that doesn't disappoint which is found in Jesus Christ, the Cross, and his blood. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, hardships, in persecution, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." You see this is exactly what I'm talking about because satan cannot overcome the cross and the power of the blood and will never overcome. What I am not saying is if you aren't have these struggles is that you're wrong, as every person has their own challenges and that's the reality of it. I can point to numerous other struggles in my life which pales in comparison to this. Just because your struggles are different than mine doesn't make them any less and regardless of what anyone says I can tell you this, that when Christ was on the cross he experienced everything we would ever go through on this earth so when you're weak cry out to him.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. You see everything we see in front of us is just temporary and yet we store up worldly possessions for ourselves to ease our pain, but the biggest hope we have is in our God that is unseen and his son who sits at the right hand of his father interceding on our behalf. So take heart in what is unseen and fixate on God give him everything that you have to offer. Our troubles are momentary that's the reality of it and the hope in eternity is beyond measure. Take heart! I hope this has encouraged you as you've read this and that you may find hope in the Cross.
Take care and God bless!
