"The Purple Heart"

As a young man who's been through a lot already in my 28 years of life I feel older then I actually am. When I first returned from Iraq I heard some where that soldiers in combat zones age one year for every month they are there. So take my deployment in which lasted nearly 15 months then look at my age at which I was when I returned which was 23 so then mentally in some sense I would be 38 years old, now add the birthdays that have passed since I've been home and now I'm 43 years old mentally lol! But that's not what I want to talk about in this "note."

As the title states what I really want to talk about is the Military Award of the Purple Heart or amongst the branches it's commonly known at the "Enemy Marksmanship Badge" which really is a joke to make light of the fact that those who have received this award have been through some "shit" and no I'm not gonna be politically correct here because there is just to much of that shit in this world. For me someone who's been awarded the Purple Heart it's not something that I like to hear from people, "Hey congratulations on your Purple Heart." The Purple Heart is an award not be congratulated, but there is a certain respect that comes from it. To me this is an award which highlights what servicemen and women are all about. We have written a blank check payable to our great country up to including our life if that's what it takes for us to accomplish our mission. Those who've received the Purple Heart and wrote that check to the United States of America can pretty much fill the check in with whatever caused them to receive the Purple Heart. For me I've been struggling with anxiety, depression, and P.T.S.D. (post traumatic stress disorder) since that cold December night, with the I.E.D.(improvised explosive device), and the winter's cold. My physical wounds were rather small, but what happened inside my mind, the mental aspect of the wounds caused by that night took a lot from me. The fact remains that all three of us should of died that night in Iraq, but yet we are all here, living our lives out in this country where we call home.

The Purple Heart really embodies a lot of what soldiers, sailors, marines, and airmen are really all about. We all have our own reasons for serving our country, but in the Army there is something that was drilled into our brain and probably won't leave us till the day we die which is L.D.R.S.H.I.P.: L=Leadership, D=Duty, R=Respect, S=Selfless Service, H=Honor ,I=Integrity, P=Personal Courage. Those who've been awarded the Purple Heart know that in those moments when "all hell breaks lose" or when " the shit hits the fan" that things like Duty, Selfless Service, and Personal Courage shine through those bleak moments. Those moments are truly pure chaos in of it self and I don't care who you care if you haven't been there then shut up I don't want to hear it. For some people training takes over as it did for me, others might not be able to function, and then you have the people who are cool, calm, and steadfast throughout the entire ordeal. For me I remember everything about that night, what I was doing, where we were, what was happening inside the truck, you name it I can recall it except when I was unconscious which I still to this day have no idea how long I was knocked out for. For me it's very true that time slowed down when the I.E.D. went off. I don't have to hardly think about the memory and I can picture the entire event. I don't wish this event on any of my family, friends, relatives, or the average Joe.

We all left parts of ourselves in Iraq when we left or Iraq took parts of us and now they reside there. I'm grateful for the men I served with over there. There are some of the best men I've had the privilege to know in my life so far. We are brothers who've bled together, cried together, laughed together, and fought together. I wouldn't trade any of my experiences for anything in the world nor the good, the bad, and the ugly. Do I wish that some didn't happen ? of course, but all those who go to war do so who've seen such times. Please take a moment and with a thankful heart thank God that we still have men and women who believe that this country is still worth dying and fighting for. I thank God that I was given the chance to serve and those whom I've served with.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purple_Heart

© Nathan Fahlin

Healing and Restoration Part 3

Well here I am again thinking about what God is doing in my life and how it's changing just about everything about me. His love continually amazes me each and everyday along with His mercies, grace, and just overall faithfulness. For about two months now I've been seeing a Christian counselor who has just about one of the biggest radars for hearing from God in a person that I've ever met and all I can say it WOW! What I'm going to talk about in this post is something that happen just recently and everything is still very fresh in my mind.

The day is Monday the 16th of January 2012 and it's 3pm when I get to the counselor's place of work. There's a man from my church there with us today as he is in training to become a counselor so this is just some hands on training for him and I'm okay with it. Today we are going back to the P.T.S.D. (post traumatic stress disorder) which started at the explosion of an I.E.D. rocking the truck I was driving. As I'm walking through this process with my counselor and the man from my church I am instructed to invite Jesus into this moment. What was to follow there was no amount of preparation that would of did me any good. I'm sitting in a chair with my head in my hands, what's been happening is a lot of prayer and instructions then it happens. The man from my church comes over and puts his hand on my head and with words from God I truly believe he says this, "Your friend is with me in heaven. You don't know the plans I have for you and your understanding won't be able to fathom it." This is what I remember the most clearly and I cannot begin to describe the what had taken place inside of my heart, mind, and spirit. The healing and restoration that came from this hour long session was simply amazing and I have no doubt at all that God was there in the midst of it. The words were to true, to pure, to holy in a sense because those words that were spoken to me I had spoken to God in journal entries, prayers, and general frustration. 

This is only part of the time of what God has been doing in my life continually and it constantly amazes me what He does out of love for me. His mercies are new each day whether they come in the form of simply gestures or from co-workers when I'm having  a bad day. The very fact of the matter is that this for me in healing and restoration which is something that more then welcomed in my life considering what I've struggled with and how it's impacted my life from the time of the I.E.D. going till now. Now I get to tell my friends what God has been doing for me and for those of you who may not believe that God doesn't heal or restore anymore well I got news for you HE DOES! I'm living proof that God is still in the business of healing and restoration trust me He does. The peace that I have within me doesn't come from anything of this world, but only from God because it's that peace which transcends all understanding. Take care and God Bless! =)

© Nathan Fahlin

Journal from Iraq

Thought I would share this with all of you who've been following my blog. This was written during my time in Iraq.


06Jan07

    Today was a good and bad just rolled all into one. I have these emotions and feeling that I don’t know how to express which makes for a roller-coaster of a day. Everyday I feel extremely grateful that I am still here to talk about what happened on 19Dec2006, but yet sometimes the pain is too much for me to bear. I don’t know why, but for some reason I continually think about what it’s going to be like meeting J.R. and Carlon’s families, I just don’t know why though. Is it out of fear or is it just my reaction to the situation, yet everything seems to be going smoothly for them as they recover in the states and I will continue to pray for their healing and a fast recovery. Just about everyday I go through the events of that terrible day and what it was like to be in the vehicle. I thank God everyday that I’m alive and that J.R. and Carlon are here with me because without them I don’t know where I would be right now. Everybody seems to so proud of me, but I don’t feel nearly as proud as I should I guess, but that’s just me being humble I guess. What really keeps me awake at night was the first night alone right after it happened. The emotions that I went through were just terrible and the feeling of being alone with no one to talk too really makes everything worse. I am thankful for SPC Moore, the medic that took the time to listen what I had to say because I was just feeling so awful and I felt like it was my fault. I know now that I am forever bonded to these two individuals for the rest of my time on this earth, but I’m just not so sure about me because I’ve always been a loner when it came to social gatherings.  There is so much more that I want to talk about with them, but that will have to wait until I get back from my tour here. What eats at me know is the thought of being extended for 3-6 months which would put me at 21-24 months I would’ve have been gone which is way to long for anyone to be gone from, but if that is the wish of my Commander in Chief, I will gladly continue to do my mission that has be assigned to me. Well it’s late and I need to get some sleep, so I will talk to you tomorrow.

© Nathan Fahlin