Journal from Iraq

Thought I would share this with all of you who've been following my blog. This was written during my time in Iraq.


06Jan07

    Today was a good and bad just rolled all into one. I have these emotions and feeling that I don’t know how to express which makes for a roller-coaster of a day. Everyday I feel extremely grateful that I am still here to talk about what happened on 19Dec2006, but yet sometimes the pain is too much for me to bear. I don’t know why, but for some reason I continually think about what it’s going to be like meeting J.R. and Carlon’s families, I just don’t know why though. Is it out of fear or is it just my reaction to the situation, yet everything seems to be going smoothly for them as they recover in the states and I will continue to pray for their healing and a fast recovery. Just about everyday I go through the events of that terrible day and what it was like to be in the vehicle. I thank God everyday that I’m alive and that J.R. and Carlon are here with me because without them I don’t know where I would be right now. Everybody seems to so proud of me, but I don’t feel nearly as proud as I should I guess, but that’s just me being humble I guess. What really keeps me awake at night was the first night alone right after it happened. The emotions that I went through were just terrible and the feeling of being alone with no one to talk too really makes everything worse. I am thankful for SPC Moore, the medic that took the time to listen what I had to say because I was just feeling so awful and I felt like it was my fault. I know now that I am forever bonded to these two individuals for the rest of my time on this earth, but I’m just not so sure about me because I’ve always been a loner when it came to social gatherings.  There is so much more that I want to talk about with them, but that will have to wait until I get back from my tour here. What eats at me know is the thought of being extended for 3-6 months which would put me at 21-24 months I would’ve have been gone which is way to long for anyone to be gone from, but if that is the wish of my Commander in Chief, I will gladly continue to do my mission that has be assigned to me. Well it’s late and I need to get some sleep, so I will talk to you tomorrow.

© Nathan Fahlin