Where do I start ? I went and saw Act of Valor last night and wow.......... what a step in the right direction. Everything about that movie just hammered home what I had known and remembered about the military. From my perspective this movie reminded me a lot of why I joined up and why I did what I did. I struggle a lot with wanting to go back in and continue to fight for what I believe in, what this country was founded on, and maybe just maybe see a glimpse of the Old Glory days. What I'm about to talk about I don't expect anyone except other veterans to understand.
When I separated from the military technically back in 2010 that was the toughest thing I had to do honestly. I was removing myself (more like God removed me) from men who I in many ways considered to be my brothers because we had fought together, bleed together, and cried together. We became a fraternity or brotherhood whatever you would like to call it. We had been through a completely different set of experiences that not many people will never understand. I've talked about this to close friends and family members, but here's the reality the wanting to be a part of the military, to continue to fight for everything that you love and hold dear doesn't really go away I think ever. So far since I've gotten out I have made two different attempts at trying to go active duty and continue on with my military career. This is something that is not easy because as vet you fight it, struggle with it, and hate it all at the same time. I can't tell how many times that I get so sick and tired of seeing in society that makes me wonder how the heck do people live outside in this false sense of a world. With media devices like facebook and now google +, where texting, skyping are now the norm it appears that we have drifted away from reality and now struggle to find reality. When I see this I think to myself, "This is stupid! They need to wake up from this dream they're living." Okay I didn't use those words and in reality the thought is a lot harsher then what I've voiced.
After coming out of the theater last night the way I was ready to do anything I could just to get back to the military. But I realize this is where I belong right now and this is where I need to be in my life. On Wednesday this week I sat down with a couple other vets who were in Iraq at the same I was and we talked for a couple hours just about the stupidity of the military with all the red tape and B.S. that you have to put up with and now you have political correctness because of all the stupid politicians that need to keep their nose out of the military. Period. End. Of. Report. They have no business messing around with what the military does and if they do they darn well better be the freaking President of the United States of America not some backwoods, poh dunk senator from Georgia who thinks an island can capsize and sink itself oh by the way he's a democrat too. Go on! Google it! I dare you! A lot of what I struggle with and miss about the military is the comradery and knowing that I'm fighting for something that's bigger then myself. That there's some bigger purpose I'm living for because honestly a lot of Americans are just living for themselves and don't really care about anyone else. I've said this before and I'll say it again America needs to put in place where every high school graduate or G.E.D.'d person needs to put in at least two years for public service whether it's military or some other American organization helping out America. So that they can learn what it takes to keep this country going instead of wasting money going to college and partying because they think they are entitled to it. I'm done ranting about what will part of the reason this country will collapse someday.
Well I slammed this door pretty hard this morning and I guess that was my intentions. The truth of this reality is for me is there will always be some part that wants to be in some far off distant land fighting for something I believe in and know to me that it's worth dying for. I know a lot of you who read this will not understand and I'm not asking you to understand. I'm showing all of you, each and everyone of you a part of me and who I am. This is crazy lol I've been writing this blog for 7 months now and I still haven't run out of ideas to talk about and some have been God given ideas so I can't take any or all the credit.
I'm going to leave you with a quote from the movie Act of Valor. Here's the scene a campfire burning and there stands probably 10 Navy SEALs talking plainly about what's going down and about heading downrage ie getting deployed. Senior Chief is a career SEAL who's been through it all looks at his men and says this, " For all those who’ve been down range, to us, and those like us — damn few." The reality is the percentage of Americans who serve has been decreasing ever since World War II and during Iraq and Afghanistan there was only .45% of Americans that severed in the Armed Forces. We are a dying breed I'm convinced. Here's me signing off.
© Nathan Fahlin
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
A Time of Reflection
Not really sure what I'm going to call this blog post, but this is going to be a time of reflection. To talk about what has transpired, what God has done in my life, and how my life has changed. It's shocking to think how much has changed in my life. In this I will talk about the trails, struggles, and probably some of the uglier parts of returning home from war, but I'm going to share what GOD has done.
I'm not sure how many of you know what actually transpired when I first got back from Iraq and my life was like along with how I was "treating" my problems. A phrase you commonly hear when veteran's come back from war is self medicating or self medicate. This terminology usually refers to drinking and lots of it, multiple nights a week and it can go on for any length of time when they come back. Six months, a year or maybe even more. For me the first three months I was so busy I didn't know what to do honestly as I was constantly traveling all over the state. Hanging with friends one week then the next week being in a completely different part of the state. By the end of the first three months reality set in and I was still expected to go to college and find out what I'm supposed to do with my life. Well that was a short trip that came to a sudden stop which was probably a good, but that's when this story takes a turn down a very dark alley which there was a light at the end of it just that I couldn't see it yet. About December of 2007 my outlook and overall attitude was very bleak, didn't go out much, played a lot of video games. When I would go out I honestly felt like everyone was staring at me like, " Is this guy gonna snap and kill someone ?" and I couldn't take it so when I did go out it was to places where there was a little solitude. Then in January I buddy from Iraq moved up to Duluth and thus began the self medicating period of my return. This continued for about 6 months and towards the end of this time I just started to think about getting back to going to church. I still remember that Sunday at the Vineyard in the current Anchor Point building. I remember just standing thinking to myself and that's was the first step in God's plan for things to change for me. So here I am and one of the pastors at the time walked up to me and we started talking next thing I know I'm agreeing to meet up with him during the week. That month of May I'll never forget because that's when I talked to my leadership about what had been going on. Mind you at this time I was going two to three nights a week and making some very poor choices along with dealing with what I would call severe depression. The depression lasted for a few years and for the rest of my time in the Army National Guard I saw a counselor who just happened to be a Lutheran Pastor also. This man truly help guide me with going back to school and handling the new friendships that were bound to come.
Slowly, but surely things just started to fall into their specific places and I thought I finally had a handle on life again after going through everything in those first 9months after coming back from Iraq. What I didn't realize was there were issues that didn't needed to be dealt with and it wouldn't be till the fall of 2011 that I would truly come to understand that I wasn't finished walking down the road to recovery. In Oct of 2011 I basically broke down at my Men's Group which I currently attend and God showed me where exactly I needed healing. It was the start to a process that is still continuing and God has been truly faithful in restoring and healing me from the inside out. The more I think about what He's done for the more I realize just how blessed I am. I'm just in awe in how much God has done for me and yet at the same time I know there is still more to go. God is Always Faithful, His love stays the same through the ages, God's love never fails. It's been an honor to be able share with all of you who read my blog with what God has been doing in my life and I hope and pray that this not only encourages you, but gives you hope for your own life also knowing that God will always be there through it all.
I thank you all for taking the time out to read my blog for those of you that do. I thank God that I get to share this story of healing, restoration, and wholeness with each and everyone of you. I thank God for the community of believers, friends, and just amazing people He's so perfectly placed in my life and you know who are too! There is always hope even when there is pain in the night because joy comes in the morning. I am grateful that I get to share this with all of you! Take care and God Bless!:)
© Nathan Fahlin
I'm not sure how many of you know what actually transpired when I first got back from Iraq and my life was like along with how I was "treating" my problems. A phrase you commonly hear when veteran's come back from war is self medicating or self medicate. This terminology usually refers to drinking and lots of it, multiple nights a week and it can go on for any length of time when they come back. Six months, a year or maybe even more. For me the first three months I was so busy I didn't know what to do honestly as I was constantly traveling all over the state. Hanging with friends one week then the next week being in a completely different part of the state. By the end of the first three months reality set in and I was still expected to go to college and find out what I'm supposed to do with my life. Well that was a short trip that came to a sudden stop which was probably a good, but that's when this story takes a turn down a very dark alley which there was a light at the end of it just that I couldn't see it yet. About December of 2007 my outlook and overall attitude was very bleak, didn't go out much, played a lot of video games. When I would go out I honestly felt like everyone was staring at me like, " Is this guy gonna snap and kill someone ?" and I couldn't take it so when I did go out it was to places where there was a little solitude. Then in January I buddy from Iraq moved up to Duluth and thus began the self medicating period of my return. This continued for about 6 months and towards the end of this time I just started to think about getting back to going to church. I still remember that Sunday at the Vineyard in the current Anchor Point building. I remember just standing thinking to myself and that's was the first step in God's plan for things to change for me. So here I am and one of the pastors at the time walked up to me and we started talking next thing I know I'm agreeing to meet up with him during the week. That month of May I'll never forget because that's when I talked to my leadership about what had been going on. Mind you at this time I was going two to three nights a week and making some very poor choices along with dealing with what I would call severe depression. The depression lasted for a few years and for the rest of my time in the Army National Guard I saw a counselor who just happened to be a Lutheran Pastor also. This man truly help guide me with going back to school and handling the new friendships that were bound to come.
Slowly, but surely things just started to fall into their specific places and I thought I finally had a handle on life again after going through everything in those first 9months after coming back from Iraq. What I didn't realize was there were issues that didn't needed to be dealt with and it wouldn't be till the fall of 2011 that I would truly come to understand that I wasn't finished walking down the road to recovery. In Oct of 2011 I basically broke down at my Men's Group which I currently attend and God showed me where exactly I needed healing. It was the start to a process that is still continuing and God has been truly faithful in restoring and healing me from the inside out. The more I think about what He's done for the more I realize just how blessed I am. I'm just in awe in how much God has done for me and yet at the same time I know there is still more to go. God is Always Faithful, His love stays the same through the ages, God's love never fails. It's been an honor to be able share with all of you who read my blog with what God has been doing in my life and I hope and pray that this not only encourages you, but gives you hope for your own life also knowing that God will always be there through it all.
I thank you all for taking the time out to read my blog for those of you that do. I thank God that I get to share this story of healing, restoration, and wholeness with each and everyone of you. I thank God for the community of believers, friends, and just amazing people He's so perfectly placed in my life and you know who are too! There is always hope even when there is pain in the night because joy comes in the morning. I am grateful that I get to share this with all of you! Take care and God Bless!:)
© Nathan Fahlin
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