Well it's been quite the year for me and here I sit typing away for another blog post. The reality hit me the other day after I had been through a seminar that was put on by a couple from the church I attend. The truth resonated of the waters of Lake Superior as I spoke it.
For all the progress I've made this year and all the restoration that's happened I still struggle with letting the past be the past. The truth is that I would rather live a thousand lives as a soldier then one life as a civilian. The truth is I still would rather be back in the military then be in this life. I know what some of you are going to say and frankly now is not the time. I've been in the other life longer than I have been in this life. I realized that me wanting to be back in the military is rather selfish and let me explain why.
First off it's me going back into something that I want to do, not something that would benefit others. It would benefit to me and frankly I think a lot of people would have a hard time with it. Yeah yeah I know what some of you are going say, " You shouldn't care what others think." Which is true that I shouldn't care what others think of my decisions, but the bottom line is that I see this as a way for me to do what I've always wanted to do which was make a career of serving my country. As good as it sounds and it sounds amazing the truth is that I'm going back because I want to not because that where I should or where God wants me, but because I want to. Being a civilian sucks in my eyes................... all trash that you have deal with and the people are just well I won't go there.
Secondly if I were to head back into the military it would mean that I would pull away to a degree from all the friends that I've made since I've been back. My focus would shift away from interacting with people I care about and it would be on being the best soldier I could be. There is also an attitude shift that occurs when this happens which looks like me walking around constantly with a chip on my shoulder. Thinking that I'm better then the rest of these people out there. For a lot of my friends now you really haven't seen much of the other side of who I was if any at all.
Ugh I hate writing this stuff! It sucks! Yeah I miss the military and yes I do not enjoy being a civilian at all. This is probably one of those things that will take most of my life to readjust too! Crap I just realized what I wrote right there.I just wish this didn't have to be this way.
© Nathan Fahlin
Monday, May 21, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Whew! What a semester!
Well I guess I should do a recap of the semester lol! Well let me tell you it's been filled with plenty of trials and struggles along the way, but I'm better off now that it's ended! I just checked a grade for a class that I'm not to fond of and I actually pulled a B in a writing class and I'm not an English person when it comes it.
It's been really interesting watching everything take place throughout the semester. Doing counseling sessions for P.T.S.D. through the local Vet Center and through a Christian Counselor which both made a world of difference in my life! Both have helped me to understand what triggers reactions and flashbacks. I would not discount either one honestly. Both have been absolutely amazingly in my life and I continue to make progress!
This is the first semester that I've honestly done better then semesters past honestly. I pulled two B's which is really exciting honestly for me. I've never been an academic person so this is huge progress that has been made! I mean a B in Composition II is ridiculous for me because I've struggled so much in the past.
Enough happy go lucky stuff lol! Time for the meat and potatoes bits about the semester! During the start of my Comp II class which was an accelerated class I had a flash back on the way home from work while being followed by a cop. Boy that was an interesting day let me tell you! I have never been home while a flashback has been happening........ugh! I had to email my instructor that night because I had homework due the next day for the class which was going to happen and I ended up asking for an extension.
I do not think that I have ever been so busy through a semester as I was for this one. If I wasn't working then it was school, or counseling, or hanging out with friends. I've learned a lot this previous semester and it was rather challenging. One thing is never take a accelerated class and an online class in the same semester! That sucked and I will never do that again! As a mater of fact I will never do an online class again! A lot of progress has been made and I'm better off getting through the semester.
I'm now going to enjoy the summer weather and work as little as I can lol! I'm going watch people that I care about and have come to appreciate get married this summer. Also get to shoot my guns! Because that's what I like to do! Well I hope all of you are enjoying the weather! Take care and God Bless!
© Nathan Fahlin
It's been really interesting watching everything take place throughout the semester. Doing counseling sessions for P.T.S.D. through the local Vet Center and through a Christian Counselor which both made a world of difference in my life! Both have helped me to understand what triggers reactions and flashbacks. I would not discount either one honestly. Both have been absolutely amazingly in my life and I continue to make progress!
This is the first semester that I've honestly done better then semesters past honestly. I pulled two B's which is really exciting honestly for me. I've never been an academic person so this is huge progress that has been made! I mean a B in Composition II is ridiculous for me because I've struggled so much in the past.
Enough happy go lucky stuff lol! Time for the meat and potatoes bits about the semester! During the start of my Comp II class which was an accelerated class I had a flash back on the way home from work while being followed by a cop. Boy that was an interesting day let me tell you! I have never been home while a flashback has been happening........ugh! I had to email my instructor that night because I had homework due the next day for the class which was going to happen and I ended up asking for an extension.
I do not think that I have ever been so busy through a semester as I was for this one. If I wasn't working then it was school, or counseling, or hanging out with friends. I've learned a lot this previous semester and it was rather challenging. One thing is never take a accelerated class and an online class in the same semester! That sucked and I will never do that again! As a mater of fact I will never do an online class again! A lot of progress has been made and I'm better off getting through the semester.
I'm now going to enjoy the summer weather and work as little as I can lol! I'm going watch people that I care about and have come to appreciate get married this summer. Also get to shoot my guns! Because that's what I like to do! Well I hope all of you are enjoying the weather! Take care and God Bless!
© Nathan Fahlin
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