Well what most of you probably may not know is that right now in I'm in New York for an animal therapy program that works with old racehorses. So far it's been amazing and I've just met the staff and the other veterans who I will be working with. There is something different about the place and I cannot put my thumb on it honestly.
Over the past week there has been a lot of time to look at myself and take a introspective look into my own life. They have been difficult times because honestly you may not see them right away. Or you try not to notice them honestly because you know there is something there. The times come when I'm honest with myself, when I take an honest look into my life, when I allow myself to vulnerable with not only me, but my friends as well. I'm going to share with all of you the two most recent introspective looks into my life.
The first came I want to say Wednesday while I was texting a friend. I was just throwing some dart in the veteran center on campus which is a normal activity for me. During the conversation at some point by either being honest or vulnerable I was able to see something that had bothered me during my time in the Army. The truth is I hadn't even thought about it till that day.
It was never what was asked of me as a job that was hard about being in. it's that I felt completely isolated after Iraq. People just didn't communicate to the same after the IED and everything from Iraq. That was the hardest part, feeling isolated in your own unit. December was always fun cause dress uniforms and awards being on the uniform. Guys joking about the Purple Heart and trying to make light of the award, but it was something I revered. Cause I had bled for what I believed in, fought for, and what I love. In a lot of ways similar to what Christ did for us.
I'm not being critical of my unit, just being honest here. I hold no one responsible for this, it's just what happened. I place no blame on anyone so get that out of your heads right now. It took me a while before I honestly saw this in my life and how I interacted with everyone after the Iraq.
It's funny here I am in New York and talking about reactions or just what I've been going through since I've been home. The reality that I've come down to is this that there are times where I struggle with outbursts of anger. I do not really know where it comes from, but it typically happens every 4-5 months or so. It's not something that admitting is easy nor do you want to do it. It's rather frustrating because you can see all the progress you've made, but when you realize that there is still work to be done it can almost take the wind out of your sails. The reality is that as my relationship with God grows that I must continue to rely on him than my own ability.
Wow.... that's awake up call if I've ever had one I guess lol! Regardless though of what still needs to be worked that doesn't change where I am at and what God continues to do in my life. How he continues to do what needs to be done in my life. My God is a live and very much real! Hope you enjoy reading this because it's been difficult to type! Take care and God Bless!
© Nathan Fahlin
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