"Hello darkness, my old friend I've come to talk with you again..."
That's how it feels when blogging or talking about PTSD or whatever people wanna call it. I've given up trying to figure out what or how to explain this thing that happens when men and women come back from war. However today is a little different than most of my blogs, it's gonna be a bit more in depth from my perspective.
You see back when I was in college at Lake Superior College in Duluth, there was this disconnect with not only peers because of my experiences (that's a given), but learning was becoming more challenging and the short term memory was struggling a little bit more than normal. So in of my many appointments during 2011 I made appointments for some cognitive testing to see if something was missing because of the concussion. I remember the drive down, peaceful and beautiful summer day. There wasn't anything special or overtly off in my presentation or my attitude. Getting down and finding my way through the VA hospital was not really hard and the testing was your standard as much as I remember now.
You see back when I was in college at Lake Superior College in Duluth, there was this disconnect with not only peers because of my experiences (that's a given), but learning was becoming more challenging and the short term memory was struggling a little bit more than normal. So in of my many appointments during 2011 I made appointments for some cognitive testing to see if something was missing because of the concussion. I remember the drive down, peaceful and beautiful summer day. There wasn't anything special or overtly off in my presentation or my attitude. Getting down and finding my way through the VA hospital was not really hard and the testing was your standard as much as I remember now.
Driving home was like any other drive back from Minneapolis, blue skies, music, and lots of road to burn with plenty of window time to enjoy every moment. Getting home, seeing my parents and answering questions was par for the course anytime coming back from the VA. I wouldn't find out the results for a few days, maybe a week and during the time there was just time being taken up by life and family. Those days were so peaceful, moments which needed to be savored because the time I have now is faster paced and it's gone faster than on can believe.
A couple days passed and there was a phone call for me, it was my test results from the VA and the person on the other end was calm, polite, and soft spoken. They explained that all the cognitive stuff was fine, but there was something else which had been a suspicion of mine for sometime. PTSD. Every connotation about this acronym is negative just about. There is hardly anything good that comes from this unless you have a drive about you that pushes the boundaries of life. For me, that was figuring out what and where my purpose in life was.
The conversation was short, to the point, but yet reassuring because in a way there was this relief of knowing what was happening or why things were the way they were in classrooms, taking tests, or anything else that required academic thought. For a moment it was like a breath of fresh air, finally knowing what this was and this being "PTSD."
I remember seeing my friends at church and people asking how did things go with the cognitive testing, it was odd talking about it yet it gave me relief in the time before I would actually start counseling. That was fine by me at this point. I can see most of what took place in those conversations, but this is something which hasn't even been talked about in years. So one day while working at my job I penned this title and thus breathed life into this blog. Not knowing where or how it would all turn out, now that is out there it's whatever. There is something oddly strange about talking such a moment in time where you feel like you're on the edge of a knife, wondering when or where you'll fall off either side. Sometimes we need to fall in order to understand who we are and what we are capable of.
Well that's all for now. I hope you have a good day and enjoy the time with family or friends or both. Take care and God Bless!!
A couple days passed and there was a phone call for me, it was my test results from the VA and the person on the other end was calm, polite, and soft spoken. They explained that all the cognitive stuff was fine, but there was something else which had been a suspicion of mine for sometime. PTSD. Every connotation about this acronym is negative just about. There is hardly anything good that comes from this unless you have a drive about you that pushes the boundaries of life. For me, that was figuring out what and where my purpose in life was.
The conversation was short, to the point, but yet reassuring because in a way there was this relief of knowing what was happening or why things were the way they were in classrooms, taking tests, or anything else that required academic thought. For a moment it was like a breath of fresh air, finally knowing what this was and this being "PTSD."
I remember seeing my friends at church and people asking how did things go with the cognitive testing, it was odd talking about it yet it gave me relief in the time before I would actually start counseling. That was fine by me at this point. I can see most of what took place in those conversations, but this is something which hasn't even been talked about in years. So one day while working at my job I penned this title and thus breathed life into this blog. Not knowing where or how it would all turn out, now that is out there it's whatever. There is something oddly strange about talking such a moment in time where you feel like you're on the edge of a knife, wondering when or where you'll fall off either side. Sometimes we need to fall in order to understand who we are and what we are capable of.
Well that's all for now. I hope you have a good day and enjoy the time with family or friends or both. Take care and God Bless!!
