What is your purpose ? What are you living ? Is it worth fighting for ? Is it worth dying for ? I ask these questions because as I sit here typing on my computer again I realize that for the time I've been home only part of the time have I been living for something bigger then myself.
For a while I was without purpose, without something worth living for, and frankly nothing that was worth giving my life for. For reasons without understanding I felt the need to talk about purpose, about making our lives count for something bigger then ourselves. As Christians we are called to make our lives count, to have an impact in the community that we are apart of. I struggle with this probably more then I should, but I'm not perfect so my guess is I will struggle with this for the rest of my life. One thing I've come to realize is that when my life is spent I want to that it made an impact around those around me, that I lived for something more then myself.
Over the course of the summer I read a book called Radical which really helped change my perspective on what I was living for. Today as I sat down to play a computer game I sat staring at my screen like what typically happens then I asked myself, "What's my purpose?" , "What I'm living for ?" I know when I was in the military I had a purpose and I knew what I was living for, but now that I'm out I struggle with finding my purpose and as a student it's hard because you life is can be consumed in a matter of minutes. I think some people would say that college is my purpose right now, but in truth that doesn't fill the void in me right now. I can tell you what would fill the void which is knowing that my life has a purpose to it right and that I'm living for something bigger then myself. What does this mean ? I believe it means that I take a serious look at my heart and my motives to see if they are self serving or God honoring.
I look at my day to day life at home and at school, what I come up with just frustrates me. My school routine looks like going to school, hanging out in the Veteran's Center till class mean while I sit there talking about what we( by we I mean vets) have done. This I know needs to change and change now it must. Last spring I watched a movie that challenged me more then anything had in a long time. I think it's time to watch that movie again. The movie was To Save a Life and I think it's time I take a peek at that movie again. As I wander the halls of my campus at Lake Superior College I see a lot of people just sitting a lone with no one to talk to or hang out with. To many times in my time I have been that person just wishing for someone to come a long to talk to me, to hang and share life even if it's only for a day. At home it's a different story because more times then I care to, once I get home I'm ready to leave again. It's just different and I'm not really sure how to explain, wish I could though.
So this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to stop hanging out in the Veterans' Center all the even though I truly feel comfortable in there because everyone in there has been to either Iraq and Afghanistan. Therefore they understand what a guy like me has been through in more ways then one. What I intend to do is making connections with people who need someone to talk to, hang out with while at school, or just eat lunch with. Crazy it is I think at times how God shows us what's going on at our campus and is like HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANYONE HOME?!?!?!?!?!?!? ;)
So what are you going to do ? Are you going to make your life something more then just about you ? Is your life going to make that difference ? Are you going to make an impact ? Are you going to let God work through you ? Or are you just going to sink back into your normal life. I know what I'm going to do, how about you!
© Nathan Fahlin
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