The Reality of War

Well it's been a while since I've posted anything and so after watching a very powerful and moving video about a Joseph Kony who is a Child Army leader of a group called L.R.A. (Lords Resistance Army) I found myself thinking about the passions and desires that God has placed in my heart. Realizing that this guy needed to be stopped and watching the video unfold just hit home with me in a lot of different areas.

This is my reality and what I would like see brought out and educate the society that I live, to get people to realize, and to ultimately help veterans who struggle with P.T.S.D. , T.B.I. , anxiety, and all the other garbage that comes from war. I want to shed some light on this topic because I believe that there has been some grave misunderstandings in our society and that these men and women who have served selflessly for their country are just simply forgotten and to me it's to similar to Vietnam almost. Granted there isn't as many protesters, baby killer name calling, and overall violence against our troops. I know people don't have a clue as to how to interact or even know what to say when they meet a veteran. Most people kindly thank them for their service and move on about their day that is unless you live with one or have been close to one.

For veterans returning from war there is a ton of culture shock that happens and being home since 2007 I still to this day experience culture shock which is crazy because it'll be 5 years this summer since I returned from Iraq. I'll be honest with you I feel like an alien 6 days out of the 7 during the week. Every veteran is different in how the deal with the effects of combat situations and the reality of war some may deal with depression, anxiety, P.T.S.D., T.B.I., or they can struggle with multitudes of other mental or physical problems. Even a combination of both. Anyone who's been in combat and has trained for it may have the mentality that they don't need help or don't believe they have P.T.S.D. or any other issues, but the reality is that there is probably lingering effects. We all deal with situations differently and how we handle the stress of being constantly in a fight whether it's mentally, physically, or emotionally.

I'm going to share with all of my readers right now what life was like for me when I returned from war. I'll give you probably up the first year. The first three months of coming home were great! I enjoyed a great season of weather coming home in the late summer, life was grand and it was nice to see some green stuff again lol After the first few months and trying school again which I later withdrew from and I found a video game to keep me going depression hit in late October. At this point I had just did whatever I wanted and lived how I felt like I should considering I technically should be dead. The depression got bad around Christmas time when we had our 90 day reintegration process. A weeks few later we had our one year anniversary for our alive day. I just remember drinking as much as I could to try and suppress that memory, but it was futile because my buddy who sat across from was the one who had the worst physical injuries. It was just another reminder that constantly stared me back all night. It's now January and another Iraq buddy is in Duluth going to school at where I attend now. At this point is where I really started to self medicate and we would go out drink pretty good then I'd drive home some how. It wasn't until May of 2008 that I started seeking help and that's when things slowly changed for me. I started seeing a counselor which was helping for the depression, but I still was struggling with irritability, anxiety, and P.T.S.D. I was constantly arguing with my parents because neither of us knew how to interact with each other anymore. My anger flared up as I got into fights with a brother who bore my anger which he never should had to do and to this day there is a rift between us. I continued to deal with my issues with how I thought was best, but in reality it only made things worse for me. I can't believe I've put this much out there for others to read and to see just how tough it is to readjust from war, to understand or even try to comprehend what it's like for our men and women coming back from combat and seeing what they saw.

Now for the most part the depression is gone and the anxiety is slowing going away, but I'm still learning about the P.T.S.D. and what triggers that. I rightly don't how the rest of my life is going to look like honestly. My family doesn't really understand me and there's a lot of arguments between my parents and I. I really struggle with not going back into the military and being a part of something bigger, greater then myself. The reality is the only things that really keep me from not going back are these two things: My church! Yep that's right Anchor Pointers and other fellow believers who support me and pray for me and the second thing is that active duty Army doesn't want prior service, they want fresh blood. I continue to bring this up to God in prayers, conversations, and out of frustrations. People who don't know my story just look at me funny like the deer in the head light looks. As a vet I have a tendency to joke about anything that I can and sometimes it's wrong, but that was part of the culture I was a part of. Now I get to try and adjust into a society that is prominently selfish where people only look at their needs. Being a follower of Christ I get to choose to serve a greater purpose, to serve for something that's worth every bit of it.

I don't know how you will receive this message, but it's my hope that you will have just a little better understanding of just how tough it is for veterans to adjust coming home from war. That you begin to see into the lives of the veteran(s) in your lives and how they are fighting just to keep their feet on the ground. My prayer is that all of you who read this would have the grace, patience, love, and mercy when you meet a veteran who is just a little rough around the edges. That you would be able to show how much their service means to them. With that said take care and God Bless!

© Nathan Fahlin