I've been thinking about a new blog post for a while and honestly this summer has been a little crazy so here I am sitting down at the computer and taking time to actually think about what I should blog about. This may seem a little odd or different, but I guess that's part of my personality.
The last couple days has made me think about maturity and all the different forms of maturity that there are in my perspective of how I look at things. A good example would be the comments that are made back and forth to my brother who knows me best and how we joke about different things. The reality is that there probably is some emotional maturing that needs to happen when it comes to how I joke with others or how I interact. I'm not afraid to admit that I still need to mature. I also know that in many other ways I'm very mature. Just this past week I ended a 3month relationship that took a lot out of me to actually end the relationship. It was struggle for me honestly and I didn't want do end it, but I knew in my heart that I needed too. I spent time praying and meditating on it for hours if not days, then the conviction came to me that things needed to end. So that's what I did, I ended the relationship and yeah it sucked. Period. End of report.
This relationship pushed me and challenged me in a lot of ways a Christian that I never a relationship would. I know there is a lot to learn from this relationship and how now I know. The reality for me lately has been that I'm a very loyal and faithful person so I'll jump head first without thinking. Therefore moving faster then what's healthy for me. Basically accelerating the pace of the relationship, but that's not the best nor the right thing to do. This will probably be one of the more challenging things that I will have to overcome. Now I'm not saying loyalty and faithfulness are not bad characteristics or traits, they just have to be used correctly. This is me owning up to my mistakes honestly and yeah it sucks, but it's the way it is. I also know that boundaries are a healthy part of relationships too. Yes, I said it boundaries are necessary for a Godly relationship to be healthy and also to stay pure for both person who are involved in the relationship.
I could go on and on about what I've learned, but there is one more thing that I want to talk about which is near and dear to my heart. There is an acronym that takes on a different aspect in relationships which causes my thought process to be dark or causing self pity. P.T.S.D. (Post traumatic stress disorder) probably one of the biggest things that frustrates me. I say it frustrates me because in every aspect of my life this acronym causes different challenges or struggles for me. That's just part of who I am and yes it sucks at times. I had a bear of time watching the fire works this 4th of July. I could hardly sit still because I was constantly watching for the fire works that were being shot off behind me and the fact that I couldn't see them made it worse. I remember thinking and no I'm not going to be politically correct here, "When will this shit just stop?!" Honestly that was my biggest struggle was not letting the fireworks dictate what I was going to do for the rest of the evening. The fact also remains that P.T.S.D. can be and is a barrier in relationships because no matter how much I would like things to go smoothly that's not always the case. There were times where the P.T.S.D. would cause me to doubt the relationship or cause me not to trust the other person in this relationship that I was in. I would lie about things that I needed to do or where I wanted to go because I didn't know if I could go without the other person freaking out. It's very challenging and will continue to be a challenge for me.
Wow where did this all come from ?! Holy molly! I didn't think that there would be this much to talk about, but I guess there was! Well another blog down and another beautiful day thanks to our Lord who provides for us and keeps us in His Hand! May God Bless you!
© Nathan Fahlin
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