First Steps

I've been putting this post off because I haven't wanted to write it, yet knowing fully that I need though. I guess there is no better time than now to do what needs to be done and yet I would very much not write this. Nonetheless here I sit typing away at the beginning of this entry. I've always enjoyed blogging, but the topics have been deep and at times very trying.

First steps is something I've always struggled with for as long as I can remember and I'm not sure exactly where it began to be a struggle. I just remember one experience specifically where the first steps were very hard for me. It was the first game of the season, I remember sitting in the living room dressed and ready for school. It was the first game of basketball and I had made the J.V. team at East High School....boy that was a great year for me in the sports realm and academically as well. I averaged my highest G.P.A. that year and continued to do well in sports. Getting back to that first game and the moments leading up to it was indescribable almost. The anxiety and nervousness was through the roof.... I could hardly eat all day until about 3 hours before game time. It sucked! Felt like my stomach was in a knot and I was fit to be tied because thanks to my emotions I began to fart like you wouldn't believe. 

Every since that year I've always struggled with taking the first steps into new areas and realms in my life. Just recently I volunteered at Life 97.3 for their fall fundraiser event and I remember the little bit of anxiety that I was feeling in my stomach, but I quickly brushed it aside so I could do what needed to be done. There have been other moments in my life where such feelings I felt and honestly I'm tired of them. Every time I go for an interview or try to talk to someone new, or do something new I deal with these emotions and it sucks. I'm tired and ready for these to end and be able to branch out more with meeting people, doing new things, and enjoying life more.

Gosh..... I feel like all I do on here sometimes is just spill my guts to y'all! I hope that you see more of me and see the work that God is doing in my life as you read my blog entries and if you aren't a believer yet you're reading my blog well here's something I want to share with you then! By now you know that I'm a christian and I believe that Jesus is Lord and he died for all of mankind. I know that Jesus covers your sins as He has and continues to cover mine daily, hourly and by the minute when I'm at my worst. I also know that regardless my God still loves me and he loves you too! I'm not gonna sit here and tell what you should be doing or what you need to because that is not my place. I'm not perfect  I screw up constantly and that's why  there is grace! Grace is a big part of the Christian faith walk, it's not a sprint, it's a marathon! If you would like to ask God into your life then I pray that you do! 

Wow... I hope someday that I will be able to change and not have to deal with all this junk of this world or from my past. Yes, I continue to move forward, mature emotionally, and grow in my walk with the Lord. I think one of the hardest first steps I've ever taken honestly or done is when there is a woman that I like and wanted to ask that person out it's just about been unbearable to a degree....ugh! After all I've been through and yet I still struggle with this. Well no more! Today I put these emotions to death! I do not want to deal with anxiety, the nervousness, the fear anymore! God replace these things which are not of you with Godly things and continue to mold me into the man which you want me to become! I trust you God with all that I am! For you will never leave me nor forsake me! May God bless you and watch over you!

© Nathan Fahlin