Well it's another start of the semester for me and classes full of familiar faces and new faces as well. The start has been incredibly interesting thus far and nothing of short of amazing in all honesty. Although that will come at a later time, but what I want to share with you right now is a revelation which I saw clearly today during chapel.
To start my first year here in Minneapolis and North Central just about drove me nuts with the constant noise and all the people everywhere, in fact part of me wanted to leave and not come back. But what took place over that first year was a transformation in how I handle those circumstances and now how my perspective has changed compared to how how it all started off when I moved down.
At first the constant noise drove me nuts to the point where all I wanted was silence, but there wasn't any place where I could find it and so I would find ways to not have to deal with the noise which didn't help either. It got to the point where I would skip chapel services during school because the noise was killing me. Something would happen called sensory overload; it's when the brain gets overloaded with noise that's coming in through the ear and cannot process all that's coming in. All I've wanted was peace, a peace that would be there through these moments, but that wasn't found this this summer. It took me two long semesters and the majority of the summer to finally get to a point where there was peace again in my life and to be able to walk in that peace.
This summer challenged me in many ways, because there was times when I needed to reach out to others because we all know there is strength in numbers whether you're a Christian or not. So there was countless times where I would find people in the area to hang out with and a lot of the times I was so broke or down to my last pennies that they would end up blessing me with a meal and their friendship. For those people, there are no words to express how grateful I am for their friendships and generosity. I began to able to get away, to find quiet places where the noise wasn't overwhelming and I could find peace again, which in turn would allow me to find continuity to the life which I was living.
So fast forward to today and I'm in chapel and for the first since I can remember being in there, I wasn't overwhelmed by the sound, the crowd, and the overall noise level. It just clicked and in a moment I was totally peaceful, relaxed, and okay with being in this environment. The semesters before I would usually end up not going in or skipping because of the sensory overload which is a result of the PTSD. Staying in Minneapolis was definitely the best choice me this summer and I'm better off for it. On a side note I'm feeling very determined to do better in my classes this semester too! Take care and God Bless!!
Friday, August 29, 2014
Monday, August 18, 2014
God is not Dead
"Gods Not Dead"
After watching the movie mentioned, it triggered the need for a response and an open sharing of a story that has taken place. What also needs to happen is an understanding, because I think many people have been hurt by the false understandings of why things happen in this world.
So to kick this off, my story begins back when I was a kid and I was raised in the church along with my three brothers as well. My parents did the best they could and that they knew how to raise their children. What was happening at school was tormenting by my classmates, bullied endlessly and one instance having a tray full of bananas dumped on my food. This would continue to the end of my high school days. Let me say one thing here, do not tell your kid to turn the other cheek unless you understand what that means because letting them get walked on through their younger years will do nothing for them. In high school there was only a couple people in my grade that I counted as friends and guess what they this Facebook of mine.
When I was 19, I swore an oath to protect and defend the constitution of the United States, to defend it from all enemies foreign and domestic. If necessary give up my life, but when I got to my unit something happened that I did not expect. I found a group of guys who like me had taken this oath, but I also found that they didn't care about who I was or where I came from. They appreciated me for me, there was no pretenses in our friendships. This uncommon bond would later be solidified through war and all that ugliness; with blood, sweat, and tears. With the death of one of the most liked soldiers in our platoon and the wounding of three soldiers myself included. These men became my brothers and now when I'm able to see them it lifts me up!
Through these challenges and experiences something happened especially after I was wounded. The questions came and I'm no closer to the answer now as I was back then, but what I can tell you that I've been saved and we all have been spared.
Some people may read this and wonder why a person like me had to go through some absolutely shitty experiences and multiple near death experiences. Well that answer is two fold: 1) War is hell plain and simple, no hiding that or trying to sugar coat it and 2) Because the depravity of the world or simply we live in a fallen world(I'll explain this later on by what I mean).
So let's rewind a couple thousand years according to the Bible where in my belief this is where it all started. The book of Genesis explains the very essence of how we were created by a divine creator and we were made in his image, in his image he created them male and female.
So here we now in this world, with all this death, destruction, violence, war, a place where millions suffer daily. And this is where it gets tricky because a lot of people wonder if there is a God then why is their so much death in this world. This is because we live in a world that is fallen, a world that wasn't intended for this, but after Adam and Eve ate of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil everything changed. You see God had commanded them not to eat of this tree, but yet they did and the consequences is our current state. Then throughout the Old Testament you see God pouring out his wrath over all creation, he even at one pointed lamented in saying that He wished he never created us right before he flooded the earth completely sparing all, but eight people.
So fast forward to the New Testament and we something amazing happen, the coming of the Messiah. Jesus Christ who is the Son of God, fully man and fully God meaning he was born of a natural birth, but his conception and life were vastly different. You see his mother Marry was visited by an angel and through that interaction with the Angel of The Lord she received word that she would bare a child and he was to be called Emmanuel or God with Us.
This was even foretold in the Old Testament that there would be a savior, one that would live a perfect life, tempted in every way we are and will be. Till the very end of his life he went about teaching and healing those who were sick. So that begs the question then why is there all this sickness and death in the world. I'll get to that here. Fortunately for us, there was a master plan behind the ministry of Jesus, a plan that was hatched by the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit also known as the Trinity. Jesus, a man who was without sin, tempted in every way we would be was nailed to a cross and pierced in the side, along with a crown of thorns placed among his head. Where all sin, past, present, and future was placed on this one man.
Even before his betrayal Jesus went to pray to his father, take this cup from me if there is another way, he sweated drops of blood because he knew what was coming. In a moment he would be arrested and taken to be put on trial before the authorities of that era. The only reason with any legality for the arrest was he was claiming to be the King of the Jews. But even after the trail, the authorities relented as they found no fault with him, yet the people yelled, "Crucify him!" Around that time of the year it was customary for a prisoner to be set free and the authorities still gave them a chance, but still they yelled "crucify him." So we the read of the brutal torment Jesus went through before carrying his cross to the final place where he was to be crucified. His hands and feet were nailed to the cross, the soldiers along with the crowd mocked him by saying, "If you are the Son of God save yourself." But the reality is he was there for anything he or committed, but for what we have committed. This is why in those moments on the cross till his death, he was separated from the love of God and all Gods wrath poured out onto him so that we, his children would not have to know his wrath or be separated from his love.
Here's what I'm getting at with all of this, is I believe in one God and that is the God of the Bible. To me he's as real as everyone else on this earth, therefore I treat our relationship as such. I've witnessed to much in my life to not believe in God and experienced more which gives me faith and tells me that he's alive! So why do we have all these debates on if God exists or not? Why are so many people hating on Christianity as a religion or a way of living a life? Why are people who turning away from the faith faster then people coming to the faith?
First off let me say this, I do not have all the answers and I never will. In the movie Gods Not Dead, there is a situation where this young woman is finding out she has cancer, she's not sure if she's
going to live yet she goes to this concert where this Christian band is playing and does an impromptu interview with him, trying to understand their faith and believes. She's asking all these questions of the band which is the Newsboys, then one of the members asks her, "Why are you her? Are you hoping that this is all true?" In that moment she reveals to them that she has cancer and is dying. What happens in this is a pure truth, I believe people are looking for something to believe in, to put their faith in. Heck, her boyfriend in the movie leaves her once she reveals to him that she has cancer and is dying. He's cold and heartless, leaves her at the table in which this scene takes place. I'm not saying this is how people interact, but she's hoping that there is something else besides all her life and what she had planned for. We cannot control what happens and why, heck we can barely control when we go to the bathroom or when we eat. There is desire which I believe comes from our creator to find a purpose or some higher calling on life. Some of the best moments of my life have not living for myself, but giving to others who are need or being apart of something that is bigger then who I am.
For the one person who reads this that may or may not comment on this, with that tug on your heart if you will open to the idea that we are need of a savior and that is Jesus Christ our Lord. It's through him that we are made whole, that our sins have cleansed and we have been set. Acknowledge that he is your savior and accept him that he is such. Repent of the sins which you have committed and be filled with the Holy Spirit which is to our helper. He's God in us because he resides within us, guiding and teaching the ways of God. For his ways are higher then our ways, his thoughts are higher then our thoughts.
You see God is not dead, he's very much alive and desires a right relationship with each of his children and he knows each of our stories! Take care and God Bless!
After watching the movie mentioned, it triggered the need for a response and an open sharing of a story that has taken place. What also needs to happen is an understanding, because I think many people have been hurt by the false understandings of why things happen in this world.
So to kick this off, my story begins back when I was a kid and I was raised in the church along with my three brothers as well. My parents did the best they could and that they knew how to raise their children. What was happening at school was tormenting by my classmates, bullied endlessly and one instance having a tray full of bananas dumped on my food. This would continue to the end of my high school days. Let me say one thing here, do not tell your kid to turn the other cheek unless you understand what that means because letting them get walked on through their younger years will do nothing for them. In high school there was only a couple people in my grade that I counted as friends and guess what they this Facebook of mine.
When I was 19, I swore an oath to protect and defend the constitution of the United States, to defend it from all enemies foreign and domestic. If necessary give up my life, but when I got to my unit something happened that I did not expect. I found a group of guys who like me had taken this oath, but I also found that they didn't care about who I was or where I came from. They appreciated me for me, there was no pretenses in our friendships. This uncommon bond would later be solidified through war and all that ugliness; with blood, sweat, and tears. With the death of one of the most liked soldiers in our platoon and the wounding of three soldiers myself included. These men became my brothers and now when I'm able to see them it lifts me up!
Through these challenges and experiences something happened especially after I was wounded. The questions came and I'm no closer to the answer now as I was back then, but what I can tell you that I've been saved and we all have been spared.
Some people may read this and wonder why a person like me had to go through some absolutely shitty experiences and multiple near death experiences. Well that answer is two fold: 1) War is hell plain and simple, no hiding that or trying to sugar coat it and 2) Because the depravity of the world or simply we live in a fallen world(I'll explain this later on by what I mean).
So let's rewind a couple thousand years according to the Bible where in my belief this is where it all started. The book of Genesis explains the very essence of how we were created by a divine creator and we were made in his image, in his image he created them male and female.
So here we now in this world, with all this death, destruction, violence, war, a place where millions suffer daily. And this is where it gets tricky because a lot of people wonder if there is a God then why is their so much death in this world. This is because we live in a world that is fallen, a world that wasn't intended for this, but after Adam and Eve ate of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil everything changed. You see God had commanded them not to eat of this tree, but yet they did and the consequences is our current state. Then throughout the Old Testament you see God pouring out his wrath over all creation, he even at one pointed lamented in saying that He wished he never created us right before he flooded the earth completely sparing all, but eight people.
So fast forward to the New Testament and we something amazing happen, the coming of the Messiah. Jesus Christ who is the Son of God, fully man and fully God meaning he was born of a natural birth, but his conception and life were vastly different. You see his mother Marry was visited by an angel and through that interaction with the Angel of The Lord she received word that she would bare a child and he was to be called Emmanuel or God with Us.
This was even foretold in the Old Testament that there would be a savior, one that would live a perfect life, tempted in every way we are and will be. Till the very end of his life he went about teaching and healing those who were sick. So that begs the question then why is there all this sickness and death in the world. I'll get to that here. Fortunately for us, there was a master plan behind the ministry of Jesus, a plan that was hatched by the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit also known as the Trinity. Jesus, a man who was without sin, tempted in every way we would be was nailed to a cross and pierced in the side, along with a crown of thorns placed among his head. Where all sin, past, present, and future was placed on this one man.
Even before his betrayal Jesus went to pray to his father, take this cup from me if there is another way, he sweated drops of blood because he knew what was coming. In a moment he would be arrested and taken to be put on trial before the authorities of that era. The only reason with any legality for the arrest was he was claiming to be the King of the Jews. But even after the trail, the authorities relented as they found no fault with him, yet the people yelled, "Crucify him!" Around that time of the year it was customary for a prisoner to be set free and the authorities still gave them a chance, but still they yelled "crucify him." So we the read of the brutal torment Jesus went through before carrying his cross to the final place where he was to be crucified. His hands and feet were nailed to the cross, the soldiers along with the crowd mocked him by saying, "If you are the Son of God save yourself." But the reality is he was there for anything he or committed, but for what we have committed. This is why in those moments on the cross till his death, he was separated from the love of God and all Gods wrath poured out onto him so that we, his children would not have to know his wrath or be separated from his love.
Here's what I'm getting at with all of this, is I believe in one God and that is the God of the Bible. To me he's as real as everyone else on this earth, therefore I treat our relationship as such. I've witnessed to much in my life to not believe in God and experienced more which gives me faith and tells me that he's alive! So why do we have all these debates on if God exists or not? Why are so many people hating on Christianity as a religion or a way of living a life? Why are people who turning away from the faith faster then people coming to the faith?
First off let me say this, I do not have all the answers and I never will. In the movie Gods Not Dead, there is a situation where this young woman is finding out she has cancer, she's not sure if she's
going to live yet she goes to this concert where this Christian band is playing and does an impromptu interview with him, trying to understand their faith and believes. She's asking all these questions of the band which is the Newsboys, then one of the members asks her, "Why are you her? Are you hoping that this is all true?" In that moment she reveals to them that she has cancer and is dying. What happens in this is a pure truth, I believe people are looking for something to believe in, to put their faith in. Heck, her boyfriend in the movie leaves her once she reveals to him that she has cancer and is dying. He's cold and heartless, leaves her at the table in which this scene takes place. I'm not saying this is how people interact, but she's hoping that there is something else besides all her life and what she had planned for. We cannot control what happens and why, heck we can barely control when we go to the bathroom or when we eat. There is desire which I believe comes from our creator to find a purpose or some higher calling on life. Some of the best moments of my life have not living for myself, but giving to others who are need or being apart of something that is bigger then who I am.
For the one person who reads this that may or may not comment on this, with that tug on your heart if you will open to the idea that we are need of a savior and that is Jesus Christ our Lord. It's through him that we are made whole, that our sins have cleansed and we have been set. Acknowledge that he is your savior and accept him that he is such. Repent of the sins which you have committed and be filled with the Holy Spirit which is to our helper. He's God in us because he resides within us, guiding and teaching the ways of God. For his ways are higher then our ways, his thoughts are higher then our thoughts.
You see God is not dead, he's very much alive and desires a right relationship with each of his children and he knows each of our stories! Take care and God Bless!
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Transitions and Me
Over the past eleven months it's been an interesting journey here in Minneapolis where my time here has been filled with pretty awesome, but yet challenging moments. Since the start of 2014, this year has been filled with obstacles, trials, and challenges along with triggers. There are times where I am still amazed that I'm still here and following the path which God has put before. You see it's not by my strength, but his that I am able to persevere. This is the perseverance which I believe James is eluding to in chapter 1 verses two through four, " Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." What I intend to show and unpack through these verses is what has been exactly has been going on in my life since coming to Minneapolis.
My first semester started without a hitch, had a decent place with my roommate at the time and was close to all my classes so everything was well within walking distance. But one of the first obstacles I hit was on the anniversary to Sept. 11 or 9/11 whatever you wanna refer to it as, I remember waking up hearing ambulance race up the street which just about sent me into an anxiety attack truthfully and just started texting people to pray for me. One thing that I have to remind myself is that for dates for whatever reason seem to trigger the PTSD and even though I wasn't even close to 9/11 the day in happened, the sirens still triggered something within me. This was a minor hiccup and at the time thought nothing of it, but now what I see is the precursor to a very challenging time down here in Minneapolis.
Over the course of the first semester there would be small challenges or trials, like writing my autobiography for a class or failing on of my first exams in another and these are all things that hit me pretty hard on those days, but they pale in comparison to what I was about to face. As the semester came to the end in December I had inadvertently missed a final for one of my class, I called the professor of the class and left a voicemail for him to call me back please. Within 10-15 minutes he had called me back and we had arranged a way for me to make up the final until then I was given an "I" for incomplete. What a blessing that was and the grace that this professor showed me was abnormal if you ask me, but he did so nonetheless.
It was during the winter break between spring and fall classes where everything hit full swing. Right before I was scheduled to go back to school for classes, I needed to fix my four wheel drive and a/c and heat system, but the problem is it was going to cost me $1,700 roughly and thank goodness I had the money for it. Fast forward to a very trying start to the semester and professors who I struggled with all semester, midway through just about I chipped a tooth. One of my molars on the right side cheered clean off leaving a sharp which prevented me of eating on that side and eating enough food. Not long after, I was walking back to campus and it was rather icy out and well guess who slipped on some ice that day and I should of ended up with a broken wrist instead it was a severe sprain. I mean, it looked like there was golf ball under the skin lol! Then as I got home for spring the following week, my transfer case started acting up again and what I mean by this my vehicle wouldn't stay or go into four wheel drive so there went another $400 dollars into repairs. By now it's April and finals are right around the corner, I was preparing to write papers, sermons, and the much needed studying for the finals then the laptop dies on me. My buddy and I spent a good portion of a Saturday trying to revive my laptop, but to no avail.
So this is where the semester ends, but the trials get real and where the metal meets the bone and any other catchy phrase you could insert in here. I ended up deciding to stay in Minneapolis for the summer which was the right decision for me because moving back home at 30 years of age isn't an option anymore. But with that came challenges; looking for work through the summer, going home for Mother's Day to spend with the family, but resolve an issue that started back in early May. A brother's wedding on Memorial Day weekend which was awesome! But this also meant for a good part of June my only income was my disability money from the VA which doesn't last long and that's when the food started to run low. It got to the point where I wasn't sure where my next meal was going to come from and then depression kicked full swing. I was finally hired by a company called Plant Essentials and it was honestly a perfect fit for a summer gig and me. It was during this time where people from my church back in Duluth, MN which gave me some much needed support and continue to do so through prayer. I got to July and made some decisions which in my opinion were right based on my current situations, but it was not easy. Once July started everything seemed to calm down minus fighting the depression and that's when God really started showing me things from my past and stuff that needed to be rooted out of my life. As any person knows rooting out the past is no easy task especially when it's been there for years.
That is the essence of what God had begun in July in my life and let me tell you there was some hard moments and I mean hard, I'm talking about plugging a sucking chest wound hard without the proper equipment to do. For those of you who understand what that is then you'll get how difficult the trails have been. For those of you who do not know what a sucking chest wound is, it's a wound where the person's lung has new hole for air to travel in and out of the chest cavity.
An example was when I wanted to walk away from everything, something set me that day and I went for a walk and spent the time hashing things out with God. Explaining my point of view to him while he listen and as I walked for about an hour or so, slowly making my way back to campus. When I got back to campus and was ready to go back to my apartment and frankly sulk a friend appeared. We exchanged greetings and he asked me how I was doing and well yeah it all came out. So with the all this coming at the end June and continuing through July it made these weeks exceptionally hard, but something along the way changed. That something was putting the past in the past and letting it die off which allowed me to move forward until the 22nd of July. Basically what happened this night was a shooting and there is the possibility of it being gang related which triggered the military training and PTSD. Now it's the Wednesday morning and I'm all sort of messed up and tired from the night before, having a hard time keeping my thoughts straight, but still the struggle is real. At this point I was contemplating just walking away from everything, by everything I mean by faith and it all. In a sense I had been trapped in my own head without very little spiritual support down here till recently. So I have now just started some bi-weekly counseling through a Vet Center to talk about life, transitions, the PTSD triggers, and anything else that comes up right now because it helps.
So that brings me up to today, this is day one of knowing my job is ending on Friday and I'm taking today off to write this blog, but also to spend time with God knowing that these next moments will surely be defining. So at the beginning of this I quoted some scripture from the book of James, now I'm going to show you how these verses correlate to my transition to Minneapolis where I currently reside.
Let's take this verse by verse in hope that you will see what God has been teaching me in these time, starting with James 1:2, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds, " Right here James is eluding to something here that realistically is something that every Christian should face during their faith walk, trails of many kinds.
In verse 3 James reveals what he eluded to in verse 2, "because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." Perseverance; anyone who has gone through trails knows all about the perseverance, running a marathon is all about perseverance, it's not a sprint, but 26.2 miles of straight running. Perseverance comes from enduring some of the hardest things that life can throw at you and still get up and push forward after being kicked, beaten, and left for dead at times.
Finally in verse 4 what we see what comes from the perseverance, "Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." This is all about character building from start to finish; you see it when James starts off in verse 2 with "Consider it pure joy.." why you ask? Because these moments refine us as Christians and that is exactly what this time in Minneapolis has been doing to me since I've gotten down here and a lot of the times that is what God is doing in our lives is building our character or changing us to look more like his son Jesus. The perseverance is needed to get through this obstacles, trails, and times of testing because without it we are like a runner is who hasn't trained for the race they are running. Then in verse 4 this phrase comes up, "so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" this is a reference to what James talking about how the trails refine us. This is about creating new character in us and how we are to be changed by these events, not in a negative way, but in the image of Christ.
So here I am at the beginning of August with a new day, week, and month in front of me and an ever changing perspective on life. So here I sit typing away and thinking to myself what is next? Not in the mentality of, "Oh great", but knowing that God will truly never leave me nor forsake me and he will always be right there beside me whether it's deep valleys or high mountains, he's there. So whatever you are going through and whatever you are facing today know that he is right there with you. Take care and God Bless!!
My first semester started without a hitch, had a decent place with my roommate at the time and was close to all my classes so everything was well within walking distance. But one of the first obstacles I hit was on the anniversary to Sept. 11 or 9/11 whatever you wanna refer to it as, I remember waking up hearing ambulance race up the street which just about sent me into an anxiety attack truthfully and just started texting people to pray for me. One thing that I have to remind myself is that for dates for whatever reason seem to trigger the PTSD and even though I wasn't even close to 9/11 the day in happened, the sirens still triggered something within me. This was a minor hiccup and at the time thought nothing of it, but now what I see is the precursor to a very challenging time down here in Minneapolis.
Over the course of the first semester there would be small challenges or trials, like writing my autobiography for a class or failing on of my first exams in another and these are all things that hit me pretty hard on those days, but they pale in comparison to what I was about to face. As the semester came to the end in December I had inadvertently missed a final for one of my class, I called the professor of the class and left a voicemail for him to call me back please. Within 10-15 minutes he had called me back and we had arranged a way for me to make up the final until then I was given an "I" for incomplete. What a blessing that was and the grace that this professor showed me was abnormal if you ask me, but he did so nonetheless.
It was during the winter break between spring and fall classes where everything hit full swing. Right before I was scheduled to go back to school for classes, I needed to fix my four wheel drive and a/c and heat system, but the problem is it was going to cost me $1,700 roughly and thank goodness I had the money for it. Fast forward to a very trying start to the semester and professors who I struggled with all semester, midway through just about I chipped a tooth. One of my molars on the right side cheered clean off leaving a sharp which prevented me of eating on that side and eating enough food. Not long after, I was walking back to campus and it was rather icy out and well guess who slipped on some ice that day and I should of ended up with a broken wrist instead it was a severe sprain. I mean, it looked like there was golf ball under the skin lol! Then as I got home for spring the following week, my transfer case started acting up again and what I mean by this my vehicle wouldn't stay or go into four wheel drive so there went another $400 dollars into repairs. By now it's April and finals are right around the corner, I was preparing to write papers, sermons, and the much needed studying for the finals then the laptop dies on me. My buddy and I spent a good portion of a Saturday trying to revive my laptop, but to no avail.
So this is where the semester ends, but the trials get real and where the metal meets the bone and any other catchy phrase you could insert in here. I ended up deciding to stay in Minneapolis for the summer which was the right decision for me because moving back home at 30 years of age isn't an option anymore. But with that came challenges; looking for work through the summer, going home for Mother's Day to spend with the family, but resolve an issue that started back in early May. A brother's wedding on Memorial Day weekend which was awesome! But this also meant for a good part of June my only income was my disability money from the VA which doesn't last long and that's when the food started to run low. It got to the point where I wasn't sure where my next meal was going to come from and then depression kicked full swing. I was finally hired by a company called Plant Essentials and it was honestly a perfect fit for a summer gig and me. It was during this time where people from my church back in Duluth, MN which gave me some much needed support and continue to do so through prayer. I got to July and made some decisions which in my opinion were right based on my current situations, but it was not easy. Once July started everything seemed to calm down minus fighting the depression and that's when God really started showing me things from my past and stuff that needed to be rooted out of my life. As any person knows rooting out the past is no easy task especially when it's been there for years.
That is the essence of what God had begun in July in my life and let me tell you there was some hard moments and I mean hard, I'm talking about plugging a sucking chest wound hard without the proper equipment to do. For those of you who understand what that is then you'll get how difficult the trails have been. For those of you who do not know what a sucking chest wound is, it's a wound where the person's lung has new hole for air to travel in and out of the chest cavity.
An example was when I wanted to walk away from everything, something set me that day and I went for a walk and spent the time hashing things out with God. Explaining my point of view to him while he listen and as I walked for about an hour or so, slowly making my way back to campus. When I got back to campus and was ready to go back to my apartment and frankly sulk a friend appeared. We exchanged greetings and he asked me how I was doing and well yeah it all came out. So with the all this coming at the end June and continuing through July it made these weeks exceptionally hard, but something along the way changed. That something was putting the past in the past and letting it die off which allowed me to move forward until the 22nd of July. Basically what happened this night was a shooting and there is the possibility of it being gang related which triggered the military training and PTSD. Now it's the Wednesday morning and I'm all sort of messed up and tired from the night before, having a hard time keeping my thoughts straight, but still the struggle is real. At this point I was contemplating just walking away from everything, by everything I mean by faith and it all. In a sense I had been trapped in my own head without very little spiritual support down here till recently. So I have now just started some bi-weekly counseling through a Vet Center to talk about life, transitions, the PTSD triggers, and anything else that comes up right now because it helps.
So that brings me up to today, this is day one of knowing my job is ending on Friday and I'm taking today off to write this blog, but also to spend time with God knowing that these next moments will surely be defining. So at the beginning of this I quoted some scripture from the book of James, now I'm going to show you how these verses correlate to my transition to Minneapolis where I currently reside.
Let's take this verse by verse in hope that you will see what God has been teaching me in these time, starting with James 1:2, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds, " Right here James is eluding to something here that realistically is something that every Christian should face during their faith walk, trails of many kinds.
In verse 3 James reveals what he eluded to in verse 2, "because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." Perseverance; anyone who has gone through trails knows all about the perseverance, running a marathon is all about perseverance, it's not a sprint, but 26.2 miles of straight running. Perseverance comes from enduring some of the hardest things that life can throw at you and still get up and push forward after being kicked, beaten, and left for dead at times.
Finally in verse 4 what we see what comes from the perseverance, "Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." This is all about character building from start to finish; you see it when James starts off in verse 2 with "Consider it pure joy.." why you ask? Because these moments refine us as Christians and that is exactly what this time in Minneapolis has been doing to me since I've gotten down here and a lot of the times that is what God is doing in our lives is building our character or changing us to look more like his son Jesus. The perseverance is needed to get through this obstacles, trails, and times of testing because without it we are like a runner is who hasn't trained for the race they are running. Then in verse 4 this phrase comes up, "so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" this is a reference to what James talking about how the trails refine us. This is about creating new character in us and how we are to be changed by these events, not in a negative way, but in the image of Christ.
So here I am at the beginning of August with a new day, week, and month in front of me and an ever changing perspective on life. So here I sit typing away and thinking to myself what is next? Not in the mentality of, "Oh great", but knowing that God will truly never leave me nor forsake me and he will always be right there beside me whether it's deep valleys or high mountains, he's there. So whatever you are going through and whatever you are facing today know that he is right there with you. Take care and God Bless!!
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