Friday, August 29, 2014

PTSD and Me

Well it's another start of the semester for me and classes full of familiar faces and new faces as well. The start has been incredibly interesting thus far and nothing of short of amazing in all honesty. Although that will come at a later time, but what I want to share with you right now is a revelation which I saw clearly today during chapel.

To start my first year here in Minneapolis and North Central just about drove me nuts with the constant noise and all the people everywhere, in fact part of me wanted to leave and not come back. But what took place over that first year was a transformation in how I handle those circumstances and now how my perspective has changed compared to how how it all started off when I moved down.

At first the constant noise drove me nuts to the point where all I wanted was silence, but there wasn't any place where I could find it and so I would find ways to not have to deal with the noise which didn't help either. It got to the point where I would skip chapel services during school because the noise was killing me. Something would happen called sensory overload; it's when the brain gets overloaded with noise that's coming in through the ear and cannot process all that's coming in. All I've wanted was peace, a peace that would be there through these moments, but that wasn't found this this summer. It took me two long semesters and the majority of the summer to finally get to a point where there was peace again in my life and to be able to walk in that peace.

This summer challenged me in many ways, because there was times when I needed to reach out to others because we all know there is strength in numbers whether you're a Christian or not. So there was countless times where I would find people in the area to hang out with and a lot of the times I was so broke or down to my last pennies that they would end up blessing me with a meal and their friendship. For those people, there are no words to express how grateful I am for their friendships and generosity. I began to able to get away, to find quiet places where the noise wasn't overwhelming and I could find peace again, which in turn would allow me to find continuity to the life which I was living.

So fast forward to today and I'm in chapel and for the first since I can remember being in there, I wasn't overwhelmed by the sound, the crowd, and the overall noise level. It just clicked and in a moment I was totally peaceful, relaxed, and okay with being in this environment. The semesters before I would usually end up not going in or skipping because of the sensory overload which is a result of the PTSD. Staying in Minneapolis was definitely the best choice me this summer and I'm better off for it. On a side note I'm feeling very determined to do better in my classes this semester too! Take care and God Bless!!

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