Well this will certainly be a most interesting topic and maybe this is a little much, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. Those of you who are following my blog will see a large portion of my heart and with that comes a certain vulnerability.
For some reason or another people think being that I'm 27 years old that I should be getting married and let me tell you right now if you think for one moment that you can try to set me up with someone you got another thing coming. There will probably a lot of baggage that comes out, but it's stuff that I deal with and no one seems to notice or if they do they just don't think that it's a big deal. Right now as it is I know I want to get married someday, but do I think I'm ready for another person to enter into my world right now that is a very good question, but I'm afraid to say only time will tell.
Lets get something straight right now and have a good hard look at the facts of me. I'm 27 years old who's already been through more then most people will experience in their entire lives in this country. In one night I was blown up by an I.E.D. E.F.P. (Improvised Explosive Device, Explosively Formed Penetrator) which should of killed all of us that night, but it didn't we survived. All three of us are walking miracles if you ask me and it's all thanks to God and that is something I 100% truly believe from the bottom of my heart. With these experiences comes certain side affects if you follow me here. There are a lot of things that I'm just now starting to deal with and trying to figure out what's going on with me so I can adapt and overcome this crap with hopes to preform better in college along with the rest of my life. This means that I simply don't have the background that a lot of the people I hang out with at my church and at college which makes times hard because I'm forced into a world where I don't feel comfortable. (I have close friends and they know what's really happening with me and let me tell you right now, better friends there are none. They continue to lift me up with encouragement, make me laugh, bring joy to gloomy days, display the right perspective that I need to have with life among other things. I have two of the best spiritual leaders a guy could ever ask for in my pastors. They continue to push me and challenge me in becoming more and more like Christ, becoming that Godly Man that I am needed to be. For that I'm truly grateful and yeah it's a bit of rant, but they need to know how much they mean to me.)
When people talk about marriage and me in the same sentence I tend to just shake my head because it's always at times in my life where frankly I'm at a low point or struggling with stuff. They have no idea what's going inside of me and I don't know if they just assume that I need a wife or a girlfriend or whatever and that is beyond my reasoning. Sometimes I wonder if they even consider what I would have to say before even opening their mouths. My first question is: "Do they know me well enough ?", "Will they accept my answer regardless of what it is?", and "Have they known me long enough to judge my character?" Every time someone presents me with the idea of dating woman these are the questions I ask myself to evaluate the worth of what they have to say. One thing that continually bugs is that people think since I'm 27 that I should be married, but the facts that I'm still in college, living at home, jobless jump out right away to me along with the facts that I hate the whole crap that comes with trying to figure out if people like you or they are just being nice. For me you best just spell it out sister cause this guy just doesn't read the signs or signals. HECK! You might as well use smoke signals or talk to me in a foreign language. I will say this if you want my attention because you like just blatantly tell me or I'm as likely to pass it over as being hit on and the truth is I don't much care for it. It maybe flattering, but that is not the way this guy rolls ya hear.
The truth is I have faults just like everyone and I know that I'm not prefect trust me, but I continue to push forward to achieve the goals that have been set before with school, life, and to continue to strive toward the glory of what it means to be more refined to the image of Christ Jesus. It brings me great comfort reading verses such as the one that talks about, "the good work that has begun in you will be brought to a completion and that I have run a race and have reached the goal." To me a guy who's looking at the possibility of being diagnosed with P.T.S.D. this brings me great comfort to know that someday it won't be there anymore along with the other issues I've dealt with from Iraq.
So I leave you all with this. Please refrain from trying to set me up with women and if you do dare to set me up then you best believe that you know me well enough to encourage a relationship or at least the pursuit of one. If you respect me then you will truly and carefully consider my character and whom I'm becoming as I continue to seek after Christ Jesus and continue to be reforged into his image. It is now 1:12 am and I am going to bed so good night and God Bless!
© Nathan Fahlin
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