I've been wanting to do another post, but haven't liked to much what I've been writing about so up until now I've scrapped every idea that came out for some reason or another. Now I think I finally have a topic to talk about, but it's not one I'm very fond of honestly.

Today was a pretty good day overall. Started out well with rollerblading with a friend, then came home ate more food lol, got my room in order, put in a few more job applications, and hung out with friends. The more I continue to push forward with the doctor appointments with the VA the tougher it gets for me to control my mood, it seems more then often my days shrink away and I'm left feeling isolated. Here are some pretty cold hard truths about me: 1) I don't trust people easily because I was burned my a close friend from my high school days, 2) I have struggled with rejection and acceptance most of my life, 3) I struggle trusting God and myself. It's hard for me to share this with others, but it's all a part of me right now. Do I like these thing ? No, I want change to happen, but I'm just not sure where to start.

There are a lot of positives about me and who I am along with my relationship with Jesus and God. There has been a lot of frustration lately and I'm not sure what I can do about it. I look at my peers meaning other Christians who I'm around, but not really my age because we're two very different groups. And I think wow could I be more different from these people ? One thing I do love that God is doing which is how He's using the body of believers that He has put around me in this time of my life to help guide me, teach me, and use me in many different ways. The truth is God really knows what he's doing and I say that with all the confidence in my heart. I've got some great godly men and women around, peers who really love God and not just on the surface, they continue to push me in ways that help propel me with my walk with God and Jesus. I do believe that God is using this time in my life to teach me a lot of different things and I don't really know why exactly, but I know He does.

It's different when people who are your peers thank for your service to your country. A good example of this is a woman I know who is probably only twenty or so has thanked me for my service on two different occasions.  The first time she did this I appreciated it, the second time and I don't know, but I burst into laughter(maybe because I knew it was coming!!). It's just really difficult to interact with a group of people when you really don't have any of the same experiences as them. They are at the age I was when I getting ready to deploy to Iraq or when I was in Iraq fighting for my country. How strange is that ? Really! I'm mean seriously one of probably my closest friends was in 10th grade when I was in Iraq. Now tell me that isn't strange at all and what's funny is I can continue on and on with stuff that just doesn't make sense at all with what I'm experiencing now in my life. Well it's 00:34 or 12:34 for you non military types which means it's time for this guy to get some sleep. Good night and sleep tight.

© Nathan Fahlin