Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Loss
Never in my life have I known someone so short, yet feel the loss of their friendship so profoundly. These are the words that are running through my brain tonight.
The truth of the matter is the circumstances surrounding the friendship had changed rather quickly and unbeknownst to me it was ending. I don't know how else to say this, but it sucks losing a friendship and when that happens there is a certain loss I feel. The unexpected and unexplained loss is all apart of this life that we live in whether its the loss of a relationship, loved one, friend, pet, or whatever it is. The reality is there are things out of our control and these things happen. Right now a good buddy of mine is going through something that is incredibly tough with watching his father slowly fall due to cancer that is aggressive and malicious in how he's taking his fathers life.
You see there is loss all around us in this world and at times there is nothing we can do to stop it from happening. But what we need to stop and relish in the time we've been given with those people in our lives. Whether the loss is quick and sudden or slowly and painfully drawn out.
I continue to remark at my buddy as he goes through this stage with his father. His courage to do what needs to be done, strength to continue to work and be there for others is an inspiration even when he's drained from all this. He is truly an unique individual and someone whom I've admired for what he's gone through in his life. He's an awesome man and an amazing Christian and someone whom I'm proud to call my friend.
What I'm trying to say here is we as people, need to truly treasure the relationships, friendships, and the people in our lives for we will never know when that will end. Either in the ending of a life or the death of a friendship, relationship, or a marriage for whatever the reason maybe.
Take care and God bless!!
Saturday, May 25, 2013
"Missing you"
Today is the day we remember those who've written and cashed that check for their country. Their country called and they answered, not questioning the reasons knowing it was their duty. The sacred duty of protecting this country and those who live in it. It is the soldier who has given us the freedom of speech, religion, and the life we have in this country.
Honestly, I haven't had to much time to think about today and the lose which I experienced. Truthfully Memorial Day isn't just a day, it's a day to remember the sacrifices of the many who have died for our country. Just like Jesus dying on the cross for our lives because this is the only story to reflect and compare to what these soldiers, sailors, airmen, and the marines who have died have done for us.
As I sit here in church pounding away on my phone, I think about you. Nicholas Turcotte, you were someone special truly, a person who could bring joy to a crappy day or situation. To crack a joke and have everyone laugh. Man I miss you dude, it's been hard at times knowing that you're gone. Bud, I know you're in a better place and for that I'm grateful, but it still hurts at times knowing that you're gone. Missing you.
Take care and God bless!! Please remember the sacrifices which have been made for our country.
Friday, May 24, 2013
Saratoga Gazette: WarHorse helps heal invisible wounds
Veterans paired with retired thoroughbreds
By Tatiana Zarnowksi
Gazette Reporter
Who knew Butter could bring Nathan Fahlin relief from anxiety and anger that plagued him after his deployment to Iraq? Fahlin, a 29 year old Nation Guard veteran, was skeptical when he arrived at a Wilton stable to take part in Saratoga WarHorse. The three-day program in natural horsemanship, sometimes referred to as horse whispering, pairs struggling veterans with retired thoroughbreds. The connection is designed to release the stress vets have bottled inside themselves.
Fahlin, of Duluth, MN., had found some healing for his post-traumatic stress disorder through counseling with a Lutheran pastor and from long talks with Vietnam veterans at his church. But he said it was his connection to Butter, a retired chestnut gelding originally called Three Lions and later nicknamed for his calm demeanor, that brought Fahlin a deep peace that has continued since the weekend in December when he went to Willow Run Stable for Saratoga WarHorse. "It's like part of yourself dies when you go to war, and everything begins to reawaken when you to go this program," he said.
It's an experience that has been repeated with 70 veterans since November 2011, about half from the local region and half flown in from other states.
Vietnam veteran Bob Nevins, a medevac pilot with the 101st Airborne Division who was wounded in action in 1971, founded the program partially in response to the rise in suicides among U.S. military personnel since the post-9/11 wars. Suicides of service members rose to a record 349 last year, according to a January report by the Associated Press.
"The invisible wounds are more detrimental than the visible ones," Nevins said.
He sees veterans who feel broken, closed off from the rest of the world.
"They come in very skeptical, because they can't feel, they can't connect," he said. We send a kid to war; when he comes back we've got to take care of him."
Giving Back
He initially spent his own money to care for the horses, fly veterans to the Capital Region, feed them, and put them up in a hotel. Now, donations sustain the $2,500 cost per veteran, and the group aims to raise enough money to open a permanent, self contained center that could serve 700 veterans a year. Currently, the organization borrows space at Willow Run Stable, and some of the seven horses are stabled elsewhere.
Nevins expects the organization's 501(c)(3) application to be designated "pending" in the next few weeks, which will allow it to accept tax-deductible donations.
Nevins has been recognized for his community service work. He was honored in April as the Capital Region's 2013 Jefferson Award medalist and will travel to Washington next month to represent the region at a national ceremony.
Nevins is quick to emphasize that Saratoga WarHorse is not designed as therapy or rehabilitation and is not competing with traditional treatment programs or the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. But the program changes people, leading to emotional breakthroughs their therapists and loved ones notice, he said.
Program organizers believe the connection with the horses changes the veterans' brain chemistry.
"The researchers are very interested in what we're doing because they that there's something that's happening in the brain that's making this happen," Nevins said.
Gordon Shade of Clifton Park knows something changed in his brain when he connected with Whiskey, a quarterhorse gelding.
Be he went to Saratoga WarHorse, Shade was ready to die. Post-traumatic stress disorder had plagued Shade, now 44, since he got of the Navy in 1994. He had severed six years the first two in a construction battalion and the last four as a SEAL, he said.
Afterward, he would wake up screaming from nightmares. He wouldn't go outside, got anxious going to the grocery store and has been unable to work the past 15 years. He cut ties with most of his family and friends.
And despite seeing a psychiatrist for the past eight years and being on medication, his marriage was suffering.
So when doctors diagnosed a precancerous tumor on his pancreas several months ago, he decided he wouldn't have surgery, even if it turned cancerous.
"I was going to let it go, and I wanted to die," he said.
But his wife, Karyn found out about Saratoga WarHorse and called Nevins.
"I was like, 'What is this horse thing going to do for me?" Shade recalled.
He wouldn't go, but Nevins kept calling Karyn once a week for months, asking how her husband was doing. Finally, his curiosity gave in and went through his class in December.
"I broke down, and I don't know what happened, but something lifted off my shoulders that I've been carrying for 20-something years," he said. It's like the horse forgave me."
Finally, he felt there was something to live for. So on Jan. 8, he underwent 17 hours of surgery to remove the precancerous tumor. Afterward, doctors told him if he hadn't done so, the tumor would have quickly progressed and probably killed him within a few months.
Since the class, he has stopped seeing his psychiatrist and stopped medication and feels better than ever. He no longer yells at his wife. He's starting to reconnect with some family and old friends and was planning to attend a family reunion this weekend.
DAY OF RENEWAL
Saratoga WarHorse classes take place once a month, and May's class starts today.
On the night before the class starts, veterans are screened by a psychiatric nurse and meet Nevins at the hotel. The next morning, they come to the stable, a peaceful farm on Gurn Springs Road near Exit 16 of the Northway that nevertheless looks and sounds worlds away from the rushing traffic.
First, the veterans learn about the program and about the horsemanship. They learn the retired racehorses are themselves adjusting to being on the farm, far from their regimented training and racing schedule, Lane said.
Then comes the connection. The directions are simple and the effect profound.
Human and horse go together into a ring, and the horse follows its instincts to find a way out, said Marilyn Lane, director of equine operations and acquisitions for the program.
"Every new person is a new predator," said Lane, a writer who trained horses for 20 years.
The veterans are taught about herd mentality, how to read horses' body language and how the horses will interpret the veterans' body language.
"You can teach a person where to hold their eyes, how to position themselves," Lane said.
To start, the person asserts dominance by walking in quick, tight circles in the center of the ring and flapping a long lead in the horse's direction, making it run faster around the outside of the ring. A few minutes tick by, and the horse realizes there's no way out. It dips it's head, signaling it accepts the person as leader.
The veteran slows to a more relaxed walk, snapping the lead fewer times. The horse slows, too and lowers it's head again. Finally the person stops walking and turns halfway away from the horse, head lowered in a passive gesture.
The horse stops, it's muscles visibly relaxing. It then crosses the ring, walks to the veteran and stands, trusting now, at the person's side, often lightly touching it's nose to the person's shoulder.
Everyone involved with the program says words can't describe the power of the connection between human and horse at that moment.
Veterans whose feelings have been bottled up for decades break down in tears when the horse crosses into the corner into the center of the ring and nuzzles them, as well as when the veteran takes a few steps and the horse follows.
Lane has seen veterans open up when they come out of the ring.
"When they walk out of the round pen, they'll tell you think they wanted to do as a kid," Lane said.
The experience is so different from talk therapy, in a way Fahlin felt was because more powerful because he was communicating without words.
"You're just used to talking about your experiences and how they made you feel," Fahlin said. "I almost feel suffocated or I'm trapped in my own mind."
He's not trapped anymore. Fahlin is focused now on entering a private Christian college this fall to study to become a minister and help other veterans.
His friends have said they see a change in him since he came back from Saratoga WarHorse. He seems calmer, less angry.
"I don't react," he said. "I think through things differently."
________________________________________________________________________________
This is an article done on the program Saratoga WarHorse in which I had the privilege to partake in and share my experiences. I am very grateful for the work that was done and what this program is doing, while there maybe many options for veterans this is one I would highly recommend. The people are amazing, the program is unbelievable, and the horses are the hidden treasure! I would not give anything for this experience nor any of the experiences which I've had.
Please if you have questions, comments, or anything that you don't get go ahead and ask. I will do my best to answer them, although this article does a very good job at highlighting what happens in that three day weekend. With that said, Take care and God bless! Good night!!
By Tatiana Zarnowksi
Gazette Reporter
Who knew Butter could bring Nathan Fahlin relief from anxiety and anger that plagued him after his deployment to Iraq? Fahlin, a 29 year old Nation Guard veteran, was skeptical when he arrived at a Wilton stable to take part in Saratoga WarHorse. The three-day program in natural horsemanship, sometimes referred to as horse whispering, pairs struggling veterans with retired thoroughbreds. The connection is designed to release the stress vets have bottled inside themselves.
Fahlin, of Duluth, MN., had found some healing for his post-traumatic stress disorder through counseling with a Lutheran pastor and from long talks with Vietnam veterans at his church. But he said it was his connection to Butter, a retired chestnut gelding originally called Three Lions and later nicknamed for his calm demeanor, that brought Fahlin a deep peace that has continued since the weekend in December when he went to Willow Run Stable for Saratoga WarHorse. "It's like part of yourself dies when you go to war, and everything begins to reawaken when you to go this program," he said.
It's an experience that has been repeated with 70 veterans since November 2011, about half from the local region and half flown in from other states.
Vietnam veteran Bob Nevins, a medevac pilot with the 101st Airborne Division who was wounded in action in 1971, founded the program partially in response to the rise in suicides among U.S. military personnel since the post-9/11 wars. Suicides of service members rose to a record 349 last year, according to a January report by the Associated Press.
"The invisible wounds are more detrimental than the visible ones," Nevins said.
He sees veterans who feel broken, closed off from the rest of the world.
"They come in very skeptical, because they can't feel, they can't connect," he said. We send a kid to war; when he comes back we've got to take care of him."
Giving Back
He initially spent his own money to care for the horses, fly veterans to the Capital Region, feed them, and put them up in a hotel. Now, donations sustain the $2,500 cost per veteran, and the group aims to raise enough money to open a permanent, self contained center that could serve 700 veterans a year. Currently, the organization borrows space at Willow Run Stable, and some of the seven horses are stabled elsewhere.
Nevins expects the organization's 501(c)(3) application to be designated "pending" in the next few weeks, which will allow it to accept tax-deductible donations.
Nevins has been recognized for his community service work. He was honored in April as the Capital Region's 2013 Jefferson Award medalist and will travel to Washington next month to represent the region at a national ceremony.
Nevins is quick to emphasize that Saratoga WarHorse is not designed as therapy or rehabilitation and is not competing with traditional treatment programs or the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. But the program changes people, leading to emotional breakthroughs their therapists and loved ones notice, he said.
Program organizers believe the connection with the horses changes the veterans' brain chemistry.
"The researchers are very interested in what we're doing because they that there's something that's happening in the brain that's making this happen," Nevins said.
Gordon Shade of Clifton Park knows something changed in his brain when he connected with Whiskey, a quarterhorse gelding.
Be he went to Saratoga WarHorse, Shade was ready to die. Post-traumatic stress disorder had plagued Shade, now 44, since he got of the Navy in 1994. He had severed six years the first two in a construction battalion and the last four as a SEAL, he said.
Afterward, he would wake up screaming from nightmares. He wouldn't go outside, got anxious going to the grocery store and has been unable to work the past 15 years. He cut ties with most of his family and friends.
And despite seeing a psychiatrist for the past eight years and being on medication, his marriage was suffering.
So when doctors diagnosed a precancerous tumor on his pancreas several months ago, he decided he wouldn't have surgery, even if it turned cancerous.
"I was going to let it go, and I wanted to die," he said.
But his wife, Karyn found out about Saratoga WarHorse and called Nevins.
"I was like, 'What is this horse thing going to do for me?" Shade recalled.
He wouldn't go, but Nevins kept calling Karyn once a week for months, asking how her husband was doing. Finally, his curiosity gave in and went through his class in December.
"I broke down, and I don't know what happened, but something lifted off my shoulders that I've been carrying for 20-something years," he said. It's like the horse forgave me."
Finally, he felt there was something to live for. So on Jan. 8, he underwent 17 hours of surgery to remove the precancerous tumor. Afterward, doctors told him if he hadn't done so, the tumor would have quickly progressed and probably killed him within a few months.
Since the class, he has stopped seeing his psychiatrist and stopped medication and feels better than ever. He no longer yells at his wife. He's starting to reconnect with some family and old friends and was planning to attend a family reunion this weekend.
DAY OF RENEWAL
Saratoga WarHorse classes take place once a month, and May's class starts today.
On the night before the class starts, veterans are screened by a psychiatric nurse and meet Nevins at the hotel. The next morning, they come to the stable, a peaceful farm on Gurn Springs Road near Exit 16 of the Northway that nevertheless looks and sounds worlds away from the rushing traffic.
First, the veterans learn about the program and about the horsemanship. They learn the retired racehorses are themselves adjusting to being on the farm, far from their regimented training and racing schedule, Lane said.
Then comes the connection. The directions are simple and the effect profound.
Human and horse go together into a ring, and the horse follows its instincts to find a way out, said Marilyn Lane, director of equine operations and acquisitions for the program.
"Every new person is a new predator," said Lane, a writer who trained horses for 20 years.
The veterans are taught about herd mentality, how to read horses' body language and how the horses will interpret the veterans' body language.
"You can teach a person where to hold their eyes, how to position themselves," Lane said.
To start, the person asserts dominance by walking in quick, tight circles in the center of the ring and flapping a long lead in the horse's direction, making it run faster around the outside of the ring. A few minutes tick by, and the horse realizes there's no way out. It dips it's head, signaling it accepts the person as leader.
The veteran slows to a more relaxed walk, snapping the lead fewer times. The horse slows, too and lowers it's head again. Finally the person stops walking and turns halfway away from the horse, head lowered in a passive gesture.
The horse stops, it's muscles visibly relaxing. It then crosses the ring, walks to the veteran and stands, trusting now, at the person's side, often lightly touching it's nose to the person's shoulder.
Everyone involved with the program says words can't describe the power of the connection between human and horse at that moment.
Veterans whose feelings have been bottled up for decades break down in tears when the horse crosses into the corner into the center of the ring and nuzzles them, as well as when the veteran takes a few steps and the horse follows.
Lane has seen veterans open up when they come out of the ring.
"When they walk out of the round pen, they'll tell you think they wanted to do as a kid," Lane said.
The experience is so different from talk therapy, in a way Fahlin felt was because more powerful because he was communicating without words.
"You're just used to talking about your experiences and how they made you feel," Fahlin said. "I almost feel suffocated or I'm trapped in my own mind."
He's not trapped anymore. Fahlin is focused now on entering a private Christian college this fall to study to become a minister and help other veterans.
His friends have said they see a change in him since he came back from Saratoga WarHorse. He seems calmer, less angry.
"I don't react," he said. "I think through things differently."
________________________________________________________________________________
This is an article done on the program Saratoga WarHorse in which I had the privilege to partake in and share my experiences. I am very grateful for the work that was done and what this program is doing, while there maybe many options for veterans this is one I would highly recommend. The people are amazing, the program is unbelievable, and the horses are the hidden treasure! I would not give anything for this experience nor any of the experiences which I've had.
Please if you have questions, comments, or anything that you don't get go ahead and ask. I will do my best to answer them, although this article does a very good job at highlighting what happens in that three day weekend. With that said, Take care and God bless! Good night!!
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Mindset
Well here we go again lol! Another blog and an in-depth look at what's going in my life. This just recently came up too, so everything is still very fresh in my mind. As to how I'm going to explain this will be interesting and how others will relate to this topic.
So let's talk Mindsets and how they can be helpful and how they can hurt us. The first mindset I'm going to talk about it the military mindset of that of a trained soldier. You see whether you're in the Army, Marines, Navy, or Air Force we all have been trained and in some sense conditioned to give a certain response to situations we face. Whether it's training or an actual combat deployment there is a response that is beaten into our heads so that we can survive and to help protect others around us. You see as an Infantryman for just about every situation we face in combat we have a response which has been trained into from our constant training. A very simple look at this is how we react as a unit when we are on a foot patrol and ambushed by the enemy. In seconds everyone is diving for cover, getting on line, returning fire with any means necessary, and then the hand grenades go out, which is followed by us assaulting through the ambush continuing to return fire. This is how the military works, you see you're trained to respond to situations like that because everyone's life including your own depends on that.
So let's talk Mindsets and how they can be helpful and how they can hurt us. The first mindset I'm going to talk about it the military mindset of that of a trained soldier. You see whether you're in the Army, Marines, Navy, or Air Force we all have been trained and in some sense conditioned to give a certain response to situations we face. Whether it's training or an actual combat deployment there is a response that is beaten into our heads so that we can survive and to help protect others around us. You see as an Infantryman for just about every situation we face in combat we have a response which has been trained into from our constant training. A very simple look at this is how we react as a unit when we are on a foot patrol and ambushed by the enemy. In seconds everyone is diving for cover, getting on line, returning fire with any means necessary, and then the hand grenades go out, which is followed by us assaulting through the ambush continuing to return fire. This is how the military works, you see you're trained to respond to situations like that because everyone's life including your own depends on that.
I can continue to go on and on with lists of responses we as soldiers are conditioned by training to respond, but here's the hard for reality for soldiers who aren't going to be fighting anymore is you don't need this training. It's not completely useless anymore, but reacting to an ambush near or far serves no purpose in this world or how to detect a land mine by only using a wooden dole. I know it's hard to understand, but there is just so much more rehabilitation that has to happen for a veteran to be able to readjust properly into this world again. It's a constant battle of the mind and the retraining which needs to happen and it's not easy either. There are times like right now for me where the retraining of the mindset are very challenging because it's been a way of thinking for so many years and now now it serves very little purpose so it needs to go.
This is what it looks like for me, " So.... The issue with comfort/control/military.... Pray on this ... The military is a lot of what you know . It is recent and it was ingrained into your psyche, more so it was pounded into it. Therefore, it stands to reason it would continue to come up. It is the way your brain was completely wired for thought process. And naturally those in the military or who relate to it would be the same. Now you take Saturday and what God did in the evening on the floor and you have a war on your hands (Eph 6:10-20) God created in you something new. It does not relate to the mind or psyche at all. It is a condition of heart. A heart that now belongs to God and not the military. God is rewiring you from the heart up. Mark 12:30 ... Heart comes first with God then soul, then mind. God, in all of us, wants to relate to all things through the heart first. The military trained you one way ... God is going to train you and is training you in another, totally different, way!!"
Well there it is in a nutshell... Hope you enjoyed reading this. Take care and God bless! Have a wonderful day and enjoy it!!
© Nathan Fahlin 16May13 09:36am
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Saratoga Warhorse: My Experiences
Early on after returning from New York I thought that writing a blog about this would take away from the experience, but truthfully not doing the blog has taken away from not allowing others to understand what transpired during my time out there. Tonight I'm going to take you on an adventure and share with you my experiences. There is a lot of information and hopefully I can put it all into words for you so you will have an understanding of what happened.
Just picture a three day weekend vacation and that's what this was like, but instead of relaxing you work with horses. In the process of working with these amazing creatures you begin to realize parts of you that were dead are now they are coming to life.
Well I hoped that grabbed your attention because that's just the beginning. It all started for me by a text message from an Army brother who I served with in Iraq and he said, " You need to check this program out." Within a couple of days I had already made contact with the head of the program Bob Nevins and we had talked at length about what the program was all about and what it's designed to do. Honestly there was a some hesitation on my part, but I still said yes and agreed to come out for the weekend. As the time came closer I began to prepare for my adventure and the traveling not fully knowing what was in store for me. My flight left Minneapolis at like 7:30am on Friday morning and I had a connecting flight in Philadelphia to finally get to Albany, New York. When I finally arrived in Albany I was met by Brian who was a Marine Platoon Leader in Vietnam. I'll never forget his first words to me in his New York accent was, "Do you need to use the powder room?" I laughed inside hard about that one for a while and even now I get a smile out of those words. We jumped in his car and made the drive up to Saratoga Springs minus a pit stop at Chili's for an excellent lunch!
We finally arrived at the hotel where I would be staying and from there I met a few of the other vets I would be working with along with Bob and Sharon who's the on staff nurse practitioner. After a quick meet and greet with everyone I did an interview with Sharon which as probably of some my readers can imagine is quite intrusive if you know what I mean. Poking, prodding, and lots of questions coupled with comments about your experiences during your time overseas along with what you've done for healing, counseling, and therapy. Sharon is quick to the point or at least that's what I recall about my interview and I found it very easy to talk to her. From there we all headed out to the farm where the horses are and to meet the rest of the staff that we would be working with. There's Melody and Val who are the horse managers and instructors.....both were a pleasure to work with and laugh with(we did a lot of that Saturday night!).
There's Janelle who handles what it seemed everything and anything that needed taken care of and simply put a joy to work with also be around. The vets included Shane, Gordy, myself, Jason, and Roman. We all have our own experiences from our time in the military along with our deployments in our respective theaters ranging from Iraq to Afghanistan and probably other places. Out of this crowd Gordy quickly took the roll of class clown and had us laughing within minutes of meeting him. Jason was the quieter one of the crowd while Shane, Roman, and myself were all quick to make conversations with everyone around us or so it appeared to me at least.
After mingling around for a few minutes the itinerary was explained and how things would go from here on out and a few more brief introductions then we were on are way looking around the barn at some of the horses. After spending a few more minutes at the farm we were all headed back to the hotel for a relaxing evening. For me I surfed the web and pumped out another journal entry along with a blog post. Remembering that tomorrow was going to be an early morning I decided it was time for bed and that was probably one of the more restful nights I had during that time. Saturday morning started off with breakfast and to top it off it was free so we all chowed down as much as we could. Then it was off to the farm for classes on horse interaction within the herds they live in along with a fair amount of horse psychology as well.
There was a bit of hands on training that went with this as well which for me helped a lot as that is how I learn primarily and when power point presentations hit part of my brain shuts down as I've seen enough to last a lifetime.
We breaked for lunch which was very tasty, but unfortunately for yours truly most of it was vegetarian lol! Thank goodness there was other foods that I could eat or who knows I might of wasted away lol!! A lot of the guys and myself included talked about past deployments or listened to Gordy crack more jokes about anything and everything the man could think of. After lunch more hands on training followed till about 3:30 or 4pm. During that time frame we were introduced to some of the horses which we would be working with later on in our one on one sessions where the connection is made with that specific horse which is picked for us as individuals. We took a short break for some pictures and those who needed to use the restroom also for the smokers in the group which was pretty much all the vets lol!! We came back into the barn and began to prepare for our time with our horses in the round pen. Bare with me as I can't recall the exact order of who went first, but what I do remember is Roman and Gordy worked with Whiskey, Shane was paired with Kismet, and Jason with Traffic Chief, then me with Butter or Three Lions. For each person the connection with their horse is unique and is truly something beyond words can describe.
My time spent with Budder or Three Lions (same horse) was probably one of the most unique experiences that I have had the pleasure of and he is truly unique in his own rights. It's funny because at the beginning of my time in the round pen with him as I began to rub his head, he dipped it and we all had a good chuckle with the comments everyone made. We spent probably close to 11 minutes in the pen together working on building a connection, trust, and allowing me to lead him. At one point he kicked up his hind legs which doesn't usually happen as he's typically low energy when working with vets and people. I would suggest watching the videos as they are just a small picture of what happens when the connection is made between horse and veteran. Butter and I had a wonderful time in the round pen together and it taught me a lot about myself. I will never forget the peace I felt working with that amazing horse and the time spent out there. If you do decide to watch the video of Butter and me one thing you will not see is after we exit the pen at which point I've still got the rope in hand talking with other veterans and staff. Butter decides that he's not close enough to me and puts his head between my arm and body. At this point I could of died a happy man honestly, to feel that horse, that amazing animal put his head and neck right next me. All I could is laugh with a giant smile on my face. WOW! Who knew ?!?! Horses are truly amazing animals!! Butter holds a special place in my heart honestly and that place will never be taken by another animal.
We walked the horses back to their stales and from there back to the hotel we went to get ready for our dinner at a local bed and breakfast. It was a husband and wife who ran it, cooked our dinner, and prepared everything for us. The food was amazing and it was just a hoot! It wasn't soon that jokes started coming out and then the laughter broke out in floods and man it was good time had by all!! At one point I was up against a post laughing so hard and there was not a placid face in the room, they were either laughing along or smiling so hard the could barely contain it lol! I believe that was the first time "The Laugh" was recorded via video and I made one request that it not make it to the internet lol!
If you're a veteran and been struggling with readjusting after deploying then I would highly recommend you look up this group called Saratoga Warhorse and give Bob Nevins a call. Tell him you I sent you and get ready to awaken to a self. Because I promise you this that you will not walk away unchanged, they have something that works and it does! Don't delay people, this is one of the best things you can do for yourself and those who care about you! I can't tell you the difference it's made in my life or the lives of others which I know. Take care and God bless!!
© Nathan Fahlin
Just picture a three day weekend vacation and that's what this was like, but instead of relaxing you work with horses. In the process of working with these amazing creatures you begin to realize parts of you that were dead are now they are coming to life.
Well I hoped that grabbed your attention because that's just the beginning. It all started for me by a text message from an Army brother who I served with in Iraq and he said, " You need to check this program out." Within a couple of days I had already made contact with the head of the program Bob Nevins and we had talked at length about what the program was all about and what it's designed to do. Honestly there was a some hesitation on my part, but I still said yes and agreed to come out for the weekend. As the time came closer I began to prepare for my adventure and the traveling not fully knowing what was in store for me. My flight left Minneapolis at like 7:30am on Friday morning and I had a connecting flight in Philadelphia to finally get to Albany, New York. When I finally arrived in Albany I was met by Brian who was a Marine Platoon Leader in Vietnam. I'll never forget his first words to me in his New York accent was, "Do you need to use the powder room?" I laughed inside hard about that one for a while and even now I get a smile out of those words. We jumped in his car and made the drive up to Saratoga Springs minus a pit stop at Chili's for an excellent lunch!
We finally arrived at the hotel where I would be staying and from there I met a few of the other vets I would be working with along with Bob and Sharon who's the on staff nurse practitioner. After a quick meet and greet with everyone I did an interview with Sharon which as probably of some my readers can imagine is quite intrusive if you know what I mean. Poking, prodding, and lots of questions coupled with comments about your experiences during your time overseas along with what you've done for healing, counseling, and therapy. Sharon is quick to the point or at least that's what I recall about my interview and I found it very easy to talk to her. From there we all headed out to the farm where the horses are and to meet the rest of the staff that we would be working with. There's Melody and Val who are the horse managers and instructors.....both were a pleasure to work with and laugh with(we did a lot of that Saturday night!).
There's Janelle who handles what it seemed everything and anything that needed taken care of and simply put a joy to work with also be around. The vets included Shane, Gordy, myself, Jason, and Roman. We all have our own experiences from our time in the military along with our deployments in our respective theaters ranging from Iraq to Afghanistan and probably other places. Out of this crowd Gordy quickly took the roll of class clown and had us laughing within minutes of meeting him. Jason was the quieter one of the crowd while Shane, Roman, and myself were all quick to make conversations with everyone around us or so it appeared to me at least.
After mingling around for a few minutes the itinerary was explained and how things would go from here on out and a few more brief introductions then we were on are way looking around the barn at some of the horses. After spending a few more minutes at the farm we were all headed back to the hotel for a relaxing evening. For me I surfed the web and pumped out another journal entry along with a blog post. Remembering that tomorrow was going to be an early morning I decided it was time for bed and that was probably one of the more restful nights I had during that time. Saturday morning started off with breakfast and to top it off it was free so we all chowed down as much as we could. Then it was off to the farm for classes on horse interaction within the herds they live in along with a fair amount of horse psychology as well.
There was a bit of hands on training that went with this as well which for me helped a lot as that is how I learn primarily and when power point presentations hit part of my brain shuts down as I've seen enough to last a lifetime.
We breaked for lunch which was very tasty, but unfortunately for yours truly most of it was vegetarian lol! Thank goodness there was other foods that I could eat or who knows I might of wasted away lol!! A lot of the guys and myself included talked about past deployments or listened to Gordy crack more jokes about anything and everything the man could think of. After lunch more hands on training followed till about 3:30 or 4pm. During that time frame we were introduced to some of the horses which we would be working with later on in our one on one sessions where the connection is made with that specific horse which is picked for us as individuals. We took a short break for some pictures and those who needed to use the restroom also for the smokers in the group which was pretty much all the vets lol!! We came back into the barn and began to prepare for our time with our horses in the round pen. Bare with me as I can't recall the exact order of who went first, but what I do remember is Roman and Gordy worked with Whiskey, Shane was paired with Kismet, and Jason with Traffic Chief, then me with Butter or Three Lions. For each person the connection with their horse is unique and is truly something beyond words can describe.
My time spent with Budder or Three Lions (same horse) was probably one of the most unique experiences that I have had the pleasure of and he is truly unique in his own rights. It's funny because at the beginning of my time in the round pen with him as I began to rub his head, he dipped it and we all had a good chuckle with the comments everyone made. We spent probably close to 11 minutes in the pen together working on building a connection, trust, and allowing me to lead him. At one point he kicked up his hind legs which doesn't usually happen as he's typically low energy when working with vets and people. I would suggest watching the videos as they are just a small picture of what happens when the connection is made between horse and veteran. Butter and I had a wonderful time in the round pen together and it taught me a lot about myself. I will never forget the peace I felt working with that amazing horse and the time spent out there. If you do decide to watch the video of Butter and me one thing you will not see is after we exit the pen at which point I've still got the rope in hand talking with other veterans and staff. Butter decides that he's not close enough to me and puts his head between my arm and body. At this point I could of died a happy man honestly, to feel that horse, that amazing animal put his head and neck right next me. All I could is laugh with a giant smile on my face. WOW! Who knew ?!?! Horses are truly amazing animals!! Butter holds a special place in my heart honestly and that place will never be taken by another animal.
We walked the horses back to their stales and from there back to the hotel we went to get ready for our dinner at a local bed and breakfast. It was a husband and wife who ran it, cooked our dinner, and prepared everything for us. The food was amazing and it was just a hoot! It wasn't soon that jokes started coming out and then the laughter broke out in floods and man it was good time had by all!! At one point I was up against a post laughing so hard and there was not a placid face in the room, they were either laughing along or smiling so hard the could barely contain it lol! I believe that was the first time "The Laugh" was recorded via video and I made one request that it not make it to the internet lol!
If you're a veteran and been struggling with readjusting after deploying then I would highly recommend you look up this group called Saratoga Warhorse and give Bob Nevins a call. Tell him you I sent you and get ready to awaken to a self. Because I promise you this that you will not walk away unchanged, they have something that works and it does! Don't delay people, this is one of the best things you can do for yourself and those who care about you! I can't tell you the difference it's made in my life or the lives of others which I know. Take care and God bless!!
© Nathan Fahlin
Friday, April 5, 2013
Control and Lack there of
It's that time again and here I am working on a blog trying to figure out the best way to convey that what needs being said. Honestly this topic is something that we all struggle with, but whether or not we choose to realize the gravity of what happens when we try to control things which are above and beyond our control. The very fact of the matter is the more we try to control certain aspects of our life the more we realize that there is no control we have. The only control we have is maybe what we eat, dress, and honestly that's it.
For me this is something that is not just part of daily life of struggling with different aspects of being human, it's that part of me likes to be in a position so I can handle what happens. In reality I think we all like to be in control of our situations and what's going on around us truthfully. I looked at many different things when considering this topic and truthfully this isn't something I want to write about. When this began to be an issue for me was when I first saw a video from Skitguys.com and it showed me exactly how we as Christ Followers try and take control of what we think needs to happen. In truth we need to trust and wait on God's timing knowing that His will is perfect for us.
Going back to school or being almost 30 and still not being married were things that Nathan didn't like the idea of. Working with children and providing childcare for a Women's group was not my idea of serving and the truth of the matter the more I looked at things the more I began to realize that I knew very little of what was best for me. Everything that I knew and thought would be good for me was being tossed out the window at a very rapid pace and things began to change quickly for me. In many ways I could see the scripture come to live in my life and how I needed to trust God in what He was doing versus giving into my fleshly cravings. Yes, I still give in to the cravings of the flesh, but that's why we have grace and mercy. You see no matter how much we think we have our life together, the moment God enters into that equation it goes to pieces in a hurry. Then we try to reassemble the pieces and that's when the realization hits... "Do you want to go through that whole process again ?" For some will answer yes and others will be no. I continue to struggle with this honestly. See here's the piece of the puzzle many people don't realize is we have free will meaning that we are not bound by anything unless we choose to adhere to such things like following scripture, the law, and anything else.
The more this began to show itself in my life the more I realized that, "Nathan you don't have control of anything." When this began to work its way out in my life daily it was very freeing and it helps me to remember who is in control and whom I need to trust with my life. " I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you, plans to not to harm you, but to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 This became a verse that I would lean on when the struggle of control would rise up again in my life. When I didn't like the direction or what God decided to do in my life I would recite this piece of scripture to remember the truths which He has given us to lean on in such times of struggle. I continue to struggle with this and I suspect I will till the day I die lol! Hope you got something out of this because I did! Take care and God Bless!!
© Nathan Fahlin
For me this is something that is not just part of daily life of struggling with different aspects of being human, it's that part of me likes to be in a position so I can handle what happens. In reality I think we all like to be in control of our situations and what's going on around us truthfully. I looked at many different things when considering this topic and truthfully this isn't something I want to write about. When this began to be an issue for me was when I first saw a video from Skitguys.com and it showed me exactly how we as Christ Followers try and take control of what we think needs to happen. In truth we need to trust and wait on God's timing knowing that His will is perfect for us.
Going back to school or being almost 30 and still not being married were things that Nathan didn't like the idea of. Working with children and providing childcare for a Women's group was not my idea of serving and the truth of the matter the more I looked at things the more I began to realize that I knew very little of what was best for me. Everything that I knew and thought would be good for me was being tossed out the window at a very rapid pace and things began to change quickly for me. In many ways I could see the scripture come to live in my life and how I needed to trust God in what He was doing versus giving into my fleshly cravings. Yes, I still give in to the cravings of the flesh, but that's why we have grace and mercy. You see no matter how much we think we have our life together, the moment God enters into that equation it goes to pieces in a hurry. Then we try to reassemble the pieces and that's when the realization hits... "Do you want to go through that whole process again ?" For some will answer yes and others will be no. I continue to struggle with this honestly. See here's the piece of the puzzle many people don't realize is we have free will meaning that we are not bound by anything unless we choose to adhere to such things like following scripture, the law, and anything else.
The more this began to show itself in my life the more I realized that, "Nathan you don't have control of anything." When this began to work its way out in my life daily it was very freeing and it helps me to remember who is in control and whom I need to trust with my life. " I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you, plans to not to harm you, but to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 This became a verse that I would lean on when the struggle of control would rise up again in my life. When I didn't like the direction or what God decided to do in my life I would recite this piece of scripture to remember the truths which He has given us to lean on in such times of struggle. I continue to struggle with this and I suspect I will till the day I die lol! Hope you got something out of this because I did! Take care and God Bless!!
© Nathan Fahlin
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Questions and Answers
As a veteran there are many questions which we get asked when we return from war and frankly some of these questions are flat out inappropriate to ask. We've all dealt with them at one point in our return, I know I have and honestly there are times where I'd like nothing better then play the angry veteran part. There's are always someone who's going to ask you whether it's out of curiosity or trying live through your experiences, "Did you kill anyone?" This is enough to send me through the roof and I'll tell you why here in a second.
As a veteran who has buddies who have made the hard decisions and have taken life of enemy combatants in war I find it highly distrusting when people ask this question. For a couple reasons because its not someone you can understand nor comprehend because unless you were there you will never understand. Secondly what right do you have to ask me or any other veteran if we've killed anyone. By asking this question you've most likely pissed off the veteran whom you are talking to. The response will be nuclear or it maybe hidden or they may just walk away. For me when people ask this question my response has been more nuclear in actions honestly. Unless you deployed in a combat arms unit you have no idea the training, the hours of preparation, the countless hours spent drilling on battle drills, and how render first aid. The more you train on these the easier it gets to function in war. Because your response is trained into you. I can say this honestly my job description simply stated what it meant to be an infantryman. "To close with and destroy the enemy." That sums it up to what my role was when I deployed to Iraq. To simply put it I was trained to kill and protect the others around me, to take the life of the enemy before he could take the lives of my brothers in arms. The military does a great job at teaching us how to kill and trust me we are very proficient at it, but they don't teach you how to handle it after the decisions been made and the triggers been pulled.
This is the cold hard truth about war and taking the life of someone else, yet there is not enough that goes into taking that persons life. You see killing is easy, but the psychology of it is extremely complicated. The men and women now have reason or find peace with this, but I tell you the truth many have not found peace. Many people don't like to think about this, but it's the cold reality of war. People die on both sides and you can't control who gets hit or who doesn't, who dyes and who doesn't. It's war and war is hell. My personal experience with war is that my personal experience and their are people who know those experience.
Some may wonder why I'm writing or what spurred this topic for me to write about. Truth of the matter is this was a God topic that I had prayed on, about, and around because I've had varied responses through the years. One has been the angry veteran response and I tell you where you can go and how to get there, the other is I walk away then ignore you completely, or if you're someone whom I trust and respect then I will share with you those experiences. You see I've read books, listened to others speak, and share their experiences on how they've dealt with taking the life of another human being. I've done everything in preparation incase there comes a time where it is necessary to protect and defend friends, family members, and countrymen. You see I took an oath not just to my country, but to my God that I would protect and defend those you cannot defend themselves. If you decide to ask me if you decide to ask me if I've killed anyone well I would strongly discourage that right now. My life is now changed and yes the past is the past. I hold no ill will to those who have taken life and they deal with something many people cannot understand nor comprehend.
This has been one of the more challenging topics for me because its close to me and to those who have fought to protect this country and the people in it. Yet we shun those who have killed and we struggle to understand what they are going through. This is the story of those who have fought, bleed, and died for this country. Take care and God bless!!!
© Nathan Fahlin
© Nathan Fahlin
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