Expect The Unexpected

• "Expect the unexpected when God is at work in your life because to expect the expected is just not fair and not living at all..."

This partial quote is the premise of this blog; it is rather funny because during one of my quiet times with God this quote came out and it was not me who formed it. I think as Christ follower we need to have an open mind when walking hand in hand with God as he does what he sees fit. There are times when he does it simply because he loves us, loves to see the joy in our faces, and hear our praises. 

At times in life we think we have figured everything out; where we are going to live, what we will do for a career, and what the rest of our life will look like. Here is something though that is true for me because of where I am and the direction to where my life is heading only God knows. However even now during the midst of a summer that has been working two jobs, spending time with friends, and resting there has been a lot of unexpected moments, moments when nothing else matters, but what is right in front of me. Often at times we let things pull our attention in different directions and we forget what our center which is Christ. So how can we keep God at the center? Even now when I'm typing this my answer and thoughts aren't clear, but what is knowing that God is my first priority with his will for my life following closely behind him.

There is multiple differences between this summer and last, both were periods of growth, but challenging in their own rights. Last summer was filled with an out of control situation or so it seemed, with financial hardships, and isolation which led me down some very hard times. Now those hard times prepared me for what this summer had to bring, something which was not seen by me because I cannot see the future, but God certainly knew where this was taking me. This summer has consisted of my laptop dying, frustrations with one of my jobs, and now the typical brake job. Here's the difference though, when things got rough at the end of this past semester my eyes were fixed on God and throughout this summer that's where they have been through saving up for a computer and now getting ready to buy parts for my vehicle. You see things continue to pull at us, trying to get us to loose our focus off of God, Christ, and the Cross and it is our duty to keep our focus on the one who saved us, who provides continually.

This hasn't been an easy road, but what allows me to push through is my relationship with God and knowing that he's right there walking with me through these hard times when life seems to be going all wrong or completely right. It is nothing that I have done by my own strength, but what he has done for me. Most of my close friends know what happen last summer and they knew the bind which I was in and this is why we need community because those friends are the ones who came along side me, who cheered me up, made me laugh and forget what was going on. This summer has been so polar opposite that it's a wonder what happened between the two, however there has been much internalized for me that it is hard to share. Everything that I have is not because of me or the hours that I've worked to save up for items that are needed, but because God's provision you see in my life he the first and the last meaning he gets all the glory, all my praise even in the hard times when I doubt.

So in the end, do not wonder what the next day will hold, but hold fast to the one who loves you our heavenly Father and creator of us all. God. The beginning and the end, the creator of the heavens and the earth, the Alpha and the Omega. For he is my rock, my joy, my delight, my strong tower. When God is working in your life I would encourage you to expect the unexpected and see what he does for you. Find hope that comes from Jesus Christ the Risen lamb.

Hope you enjoyed reading this! Take care and God bless!!

"The Despair and Doubt"

Over the course of the summer of 2014 I had one of the roughest periods since coming back home from Iraq and the depression was like nothing else honestly. I remember one afternoon is particular that when as I was watching a video series by John Eldridge and his sons. The video was specifically focused on that when going through trials pain isn't the biggest battle. The biggest challenge is with doubt and despair, that even now there are moments of doubt and despair, but the beauty of it all there is something bigger waiting in the end of my journey.

I think there is a lot of people out there in the world who deal with doubt and despair, who maybe have misconceptions about christianity and this "religion is all about." One of the biggest things that I have noticed in my life even when there seems to be darkness all around me in this peculiar light that tells me to look ahead and not to the moment. Not sure how to describe this, but even now amongst the challenges of life and the battles which have been waged for our lives there is this peace that surpasses all understanding.

But back to the video which I was watching this summer; last week I went through some of the thoughts that came from which helped me understand what was being spoken and how the challenges we face aren't the pain that comes from loss, but the darkness and despair which we face in the quiet of the night. Just last week I went through a bout of depression that Satan used to interject some nasty thoughts, but hey I'm still not because of anything I've done. Psalm 73:26 says this, "My flesh and my heart may fail. but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Instead of doing things on his own Asaph understood that God was his strength and his portion thus showing us that God can do everything and in our fragility we need his strength.

You see my biggest challenge is the doubt and the despair and for those of you who read this I'm going to be exceptionally clear here as possible. That being said, depression has been a constant battle since about 4th or 5th grade and along with that depression came dark and condemning thoughts of suicide which satan interjects when I am at my weakest. I can tell you that these are not my thoughts and that I've never attempted suicide, but in these moments of doubt and despair this thought comes trailing in like that of a cold nor'easter rolling into Duluth which is beautiful in it's own way, but just like that night when the Edmond Fitzgerald went with those waves on Lake Superior so do those waves beat against me.

But here's the flip side to that coin and the hope that doesn't disappoint which is found in Jesus Christ, the Cross, and his blood. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, hardships, in persecution, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." You see this is exactly what I'm talking about because satan cannot overcome the cross and the power of the blood and will never overcome. What I am not saying is if you aren't have these struggles is that you're wrong, as every person has their own challenges and that's the reality of it. I can point to numerous other struggles in my life which pales in comparison to this. Just because your struggles are different than mine doesn't make them any less and regardless of what anyone says I can tell you this, that when Christ was on the cross he experienced everything we would ever go through on this earth so when you're weak cry out to him.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. You see everything we see in front of us is just temporary and yet we store up worldly possessions for ourselves to ease our pain, but the biggest hope we have is in our God that is unseen and his son who sits at the right hand of his father interceding on our behalf. So take heart in what is unseen and fixate on God give him everything that you have to offer. Our troubles are momentary that's the reality of it and the hope in eternity is beyond measure. Take heart! I hope this has encouraged you as you've read this and that you may find hope in the Cross.

Take care and God bless!

Trust In Relationships

Time to dust off this blog and get back to writing I guess, as it's been a while since my last blog and this topic has been on my heart a while. Trust and how we view trust versus what God shows us what trust really looks like.

To kick this off I'm going to share what I thought was for the longest time and how God changed all that in the summer of 2014. My initial thought of trust was that if someone were to break your trust then how would you rebuild the trust you had with that person I viewed trust as something that was never constant, always changing and based upon the relationship you were in(because we are all in relationships with people all the time) which meant to me that trust wasn't lasting. For a long time I held the belief that trust was given at 100%, but then if someone broke the trust it had to start from 0% and rebuild from there. This kind of thinking in my opinion is flawed because when you look at the relationships in the Bible with God's people and those whom he called to them; the trust between God and the individual was always there, but because of sin or disobedience it was broken. Now if the individual or person repented then seemingly the trust would start off with where it was, not starting from zero, however there are times in the Bible where the trust is completely erased.

Now to share with you what God taught me this summer, please keep in mind this is still fresh and new to me in someways. "To me when someone breaks your trust and you've been building with that person I used to think that the trust didn't exist anymore between the person and you. In essence you would have to start at ground zero, but this summer when everything went to hell God was still there. When school came again he was still there waiting for me to trust him. When I did trust him with my problems he showed me just because I hadn't trusted him completely didn't dissolve our trust between us. Thus allowing me to build upon the trust that was previously established in our relationship. I'm learning how to bring that into my friendships with people.

So taking what I learned and applying to relationships today is the challenging part, but it's also the fun part as I get see how the dynamics change in relationships when the trust that I thought was gone really isn't. In the relationships that I've implemented this in there has been a stark difference in how the relationship works; something tells me that this is how God designed relationships and trust to work. Part of the problem goes all the way back to Adam and Eve, yep I went there and it's true because of their choices things are not the way God intended. The other piece is our experiences changes how we trust and it's not something that is easily corrected or healed because we don't like to address things that are uncomfortable. In the world we live in, I have found it incredibly difficult to always willing to walk through the hard times, there are times when it's easier to, but it doesn't mean they get any easier as you grow older. Heed this word as advice and warning, the older you get the harder it is from my experience to let God heal you from old wounds, they longer they fester the harder it is to confront them. It took some very painful experiences for God to show me what trust looked like through his eyes and those of you who were with through the course of this summer know how hard it was for me.

I'm going to leave you with this, "Trust in the Lord with your strength and lean not on your own understanding; in all your way acknowledge him and he will make your path straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Just because things aren't as we perceived them to be doesn't mean they aren't working as our God intended them to be, sometimes we need don't see what God is doing in our lives or the lives of others around us in the very moment. It's a couple months removed and that's when the revelation comes to us in which God is speaking to us, specifically to our hearts because that is the very core of who we are. As always I hope you enjoyed reading. Take care and God bless!!

Being Thankful Regardles

Last night as I began to journal late, around 11pm this thought hit me and penetrated my mind with ease, but what came out of this is the truth and the reality that had manifested in my heart as well with my mind. See this is more than something simple, but it started in class one day and now to paint the picture for you, so that you see my point.

As I began to reflect last it became apparent that after all this year had thrown at me that I am still here with a lot to be thankful, yes there were some very hard times, but I made it through. There were some valuable lessons that were taught this year specifically trusting God's plan for our lives and knowing that regardless of what happens there is a bigger purpose. There were some friendships that were forged out of these times and I'm grateful for those, because they have helped me become a better man. But this change in perspective began when I watched a friend write down a value in class, a word that not many would think to be a value. The word was "suffering." Not an easy word to digest when you're talking about values or in general because I know that for me when there are some unpleasant memories attached to suffering so I began hoping to understand how this could word could be a value in someone's life. I texted a friend later that and she directed me to devotional piece from John Piper (http://solidjoys.desiringgod.org/en/devotionals/the-seminary-of-suffering).

This devotional piece helped me understand a lot more of what my friend had written down in class that, it began to shape the way I've viewed this year and what has come out of this. I can tell you that the good far out ways the bad for this year. That is not something to shake a stick at, that is the reality which is now in my life and the way I understand what I have endured this year is all for a bigger purpose. One day in one class was all it took for God to break through my frustrations and pain with one simple word suffering, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9. This verse along with the others verse surrounding this passage have been a rock for me in these months where life has seemingly gone haywire at times, but it's easy to forget that Christ's grace is sufficient for us. Our perspective get's clouded because of either our pain, the trials we are going, doubt, or a combination of these, but that is why we need to fix our eyes on the cross and remember the price that was paid. You see Christ died for us so that we may have eternal life and his grace is for us, in (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+16%3A33&version=NIV)John chapter 16 verse 33 Jesus paints a picture for the disciples that I don't think we grasp all the time, but we need to remember that if we call ourselves disciples than this verse applies to us, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

This was all because a friend wrote one word and I say that one word and began to ponder that word which God than promptly shared with me this meaning and understanding in a way that I've never known before. Does it make it any easier? I think so, my reasoning because the perspective which has been changed because of this, the understanding that there is always something more than what we are going through at times. There is a video that I'm going to share with you that has meant a lot to me recently and carries some weight with it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyUPz6_TciY&app=desktop

Take Care and God Bless!!

To Save a Veteran

Something happened this morning when I picked up my phone and went to a facebook group for Iraq and Afghanistan veterans, it's something that is unfortunately common; a veteran on the verge of suicide. I'm writing this from my perspective, not to brag about anything I did, but to show you how real this issue is within our country. As I went through the post, reading each comment you could tell there was a serious concern for this man's safety and well being. This post was found by me at roughly 5:15 am or so and the last post by the vet who was in a bad spot was 23:55 the previous day. 

So throughout the day every vet who had commented kept coming back to check to see if this man had replied, finally around 1:30ish central time as a collective we made a decision to take actions into our own hands. We did what we were trained to do, we came together for the collective, used the resources that we had at our disposal to check on said individual. Some members contacted the police in his area where we suspected him to be living and for myself I contacted two facebook groups who deal with crisis situations with veterans. People who dedicate their time to helping these men and women who in their darkest hour need it. After sending our the information to two separate groups, there finally was traction! Everyone kept posting their updates waiting to see if the guy would respond. It was really emotional honestly for me because back in 2010, a friend of mine who I deployed with to Iraq tried to commit suicide which I found out through facebook. So you see this issue of veteran suicide is very deeply connected to me.

So when it came to time act, I gave any information necessary to the groups who were trying to track down this individual and before they contacted him, he replied to his post. He proceeded to share with us that he had crashed hard and been sleeping for most of the day and by that time on facebook group had gotten in contact. He realized at how bad it had gotten and that he needed to get help. Thanks to the people of Warrior Pointe and thanks to the proactive individuals of OIF/OEF Nation we as a community were able to prevent a suicide at most and saved a life of a solider. He thanked us all for being there and knowing that if he needed help or wanted to talk we were there regardless of the hour of the night.

He now has the tools to fight what a lot of veterans are losing to, he realizes that asking for help isn't weakness and that there are times when we all need to ask for help. This whole process once we started it took only about a hour maybe a hour and a half at tops once we decided to contact the necessary organizations to check on the welfare of one of our battle buddies! Every life is worth saving from suicide regardless of where they are at and with 22 veterans committing suicide daily it's pretty challenging to save them all, but all this took was an hour to help on Veteran.

Knowing this information what will you do now? If you come across a hurting veteran who you are unaware of if they are not mentally stable, what would you do now knowing that all it took was an hour? One hour. That is all. How many of us waste our hours doing mindless tasks? I know I do, don't get me wrong sometimes we need that time alone, but what are you willing to do to help someone who fought for our country? I realize that I am playing with heart strings and that this may come off with feelings of guilt or shame, that is not my intention. My intention is to make you aware of what is going on in our country with our veterans and service-members.

Take care and God Bless!

PTSD and Me

Well it's another start of the semester for me and classes full of familiar faces and new faces as well. The start has been incredibly interesting thus far and nothing of short of amazing in all honesty. Although that will come at a later time, but what I want to share with you right now is a revelation which I saw clearly today during chapel.

To start my first year here in Minneapolis and North Central just about drove me nuts with the constant noise and all the people everywhere, in fact part of me wanted to leave and not come back. But what took place over that first year was a transformation in how I handle those circumstances and now how my perspective has changed compared to how how it all started off when I moved down.

At first the constant noise drove me nuts to the point where all I wanted was silence, but there wasn't any place where I could find it and so I would find ways to not have to deal with the noise which didn't help either. It got to the point where I would skip chapel services during school because the noise was killing me. Something would happen called sensory overload; it's when the brain gets overloaded with noise that's coming in through the ear and cannot process all that's coming in. All I've wanted was peace, a peace that would be there through these moments, but that wasn't found this this summer. It took me two long semesters and the majority of the summer to finally get to a point where there was peace again in my life and to be able to walk in that peace.

This summer challenged me in many ways, because there was times when I needed to reach out to others because we all know there is strength in numbers whether you're a Christian or not. So there was countless times where I would find people in the area to hang out with and a lot of the times I was so broke or down to my last pennies that they would end up blessing me with a meal and their friendship. For those people, there are no words to express how grateful I am for their friendships and generosity. I began to able to get away, to find quiet places where the noise wasn't overwhelming and I could find peace again, which in turn would allow me to find continuity to the life which I was living.

So fast forward to today and I'm in chapel and for the first since I can remember being in there, I wasn't overwhelmed by the sound, the crowd, and the overall noise level. It just clicked and in a moment I was totally peaceful, relaxed, and okay with being in this environment. The semesters before I would usually end up not going in or skipping because of the sensory overload which is a result of the PTSD. Staying in Minneapolis was definitely the best choice me this summer and I'm better off for it. On a side note I'm feeling very determined to do better in my classes this semester too! Take care and God Bless!!

God is not Dead

"Gods Not Dead"

After watching the movie mentioned, it triggered the need for a response and an open sharing of a story that has taken place. What also needs to happen is an understanding, because I think many people have been hurt by the false understandings of why things happen in this world.

So to kick this off, my story begins back when I was a kid and I was raised in the church along with my three brothers as well. My parents did the best they could and that they knew how to raise their children. What was happening at school was tormenting by my classmates, bullied endlessly and one instance having a tray full of bananas dumped on my food. This would continue to the end of my high school days. Let me say one thing here, do not tell your kid to turn the other cheek unless you understand what that means because letting them get walked on through their younger years will do nothing for them. In high school there was only a couple people in my grade that I counted as friends and guess what they this Facebook of mine.

When I was 19, I swore an oath to protect and defend the constitution of the United States, to defend it from all enemies foreign and domestic. If necessary give up my life, but when I got to my unit something happened that I did not expect. I found a group of guys who like me had taken this oath, but I also found that they didn't care about who I was or where I came from. They appreciated me for me, there was no pretenses in our friendships. This uncommon bond would later be solidified through war and all that ugliness; with blood, sweat, and tears. With the death of one of the most liked soldiers in our platoon and the wounding of three soldiers myself included. These men became my brothers and now when I'm able to see them it lifts me up!

Through these challenges and experiences something happened especially after I was wounded. The questions came and I'm no closer to the answer now as I was back then, but what I can tell you that I've been saved and we all have been spared.

Some people may read this and wonder why a person like me had to go through some absolutely shitty experiences and multiple near death experiences. Well that answer is two fold: 1) War is hell plain and simple, no hiding that or trying to sugar coat it and 2) Because the depravity of the world or simply we live in a fallen world(I'll explain this later on by what I mean).

So let's rewind a couple thousand years according to the Bible where in my belief this is where it all started. The book of Genesis explains the very essence of how we were created by a divine creator and we were made in his image, in his image he created them male and female.

So here we now in this world, with all this death, destruction, violence, war, a place where millions suffer daily. And this is where it gets tricky because a lot of people wonder if there is a God then why is their so much death in this world. This is because we live in a world that is fallen, a world that wasn't intended for this, but after Adam and Eve ate of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil everything changed.   You see God had commanded them not to eat of this tree, but yet they did and the consequences is our current state. Then throughout the Old Testament you see God pouring out his wrath over all creation, he even at one pointed lamented in saying that He wished he never created us right before he flooded the earth completely sparing all, but eight people.

So fast forward to the New Testament and we something amazing happen, the coming of the Messiah. Jesus Christ who is the Son of God, fully man and fully God meaning he was born of a natural birth, but his conception and life were vastly different. You see his mother Marry was visited by an angel and through that interaction with the Angel of The Lord she received word that she would bare a child and he was to be called Emmanuel or God with Us.

This was even foretold in the Old Testament that there would be a savior, one that would live a perfect life, tempted in every way we are and will be. Till the very end of his life he went about teaching and healing those who were sick. So that begs the question then why is there all this sickness and death in the world. I'll get to that here. Fortunately for us, there was a master plan behind the ministry of Jesus, a plan that was hatched by the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit also known as the Trinity. Jesus, a man who was without sin, tempted in every way we would be was nailed to a cross and pierced in the side, along with a crown of thorns placed among his head. Where all sin, past, present, and future was placed on this one man.

Even before his betrayal Jesus went to pray to his father, take this cup from me if there is another way, he sweated drops of blood because he knew what was coming. In a moment he would be arrested and taken to be put on trial before the authorities of that era. The only reason with any legality for the arrest was he was claiming to be the King of the Jews. But even after the trail, the authorities relented as they found no fault with him, yet the people yelled, "Crucify him!" Around that time of the year it was customary for a prisoner to be set free and the authorities still gave them a chance, but still they yelled "crucify him." So we the read of the brutal torment Jesus went through before carrying his cross to the final place where he was to be crucified. His hands and feet were nailed to the cross, the soldiers along with the crowd mocked him by saying, "If you are the Son of God save yourself." But the reality is he was there for anything he or committed, but for what we have committed. This is why in those moments on the cross till his death, he was separated from the love of God and all Gods wrath poured out onto him so that we, his children would not have to know his wrath or be separated from his love.

Here's what I'm getting at with all of this, is I believe in one God and that is the God of the Bible. To me he's as real as everyone else on this earth, therefore I treat our relationship as such. I've witnessed to much in my life to not believe in God and experienced more which gives me faith and tells me that he's alive! So why do we have all these debates on if God exists or not? Why are so many people hating on Christianity as a religion or a way of living a life? Why are people who turning away from the faith faster then people coming to the faith?

First off let me say this, I do not have all the answers and I never will. In the movie Gods Not Dead, there is a situation where this young woman is finding out she has cancer, she's not sure if she's
going to live yet she goes to this concert where this Christian band is playing and does an impromptu interview with him, trying to understand their faith and believes. She's asking all these questions of the band which is the Newsboys, then one of the members asks her, "Why are you her? Are you hoping that this is all true?" In that moment she reveals to them that she has cancer and is dying. What happens in this is a pure truth, I believe people are looking for something to believe in, to put their faith in. Heck, her boyfriend in the movie leaves her once she reveals to him that she has cancer and is dying. He's cold and heartless, leaves her at the table in which this scene takes place. I'm not saying this is how people interact, but she's hoping that there is something else besides all her life and what she had planned for. We cannot control what happens and why, heck we can barely control when we go to the bathroom or when we eat. There is desire which I believe comes from our creator to find a purpose or some higher calling on life. Some of the best moments of my life have not living for myself, but giving to others who are need or being apart of something that is bigger then who I am.

For the one person who reads this that may or may not comment on this, with that tug on your heart if you will open to the idea that we are need of a savior and that is Jesus Christ our Lord. It's through him that we are made whole, that our sins have cleansed and we have been set. Acknowledge that he is your savior and accept him that he is such. Repent of the sins which you have committed and be filled with the Holy Spirit which is to our helper. He's God in us because he resides within us, guiding and teaching the ways of God. For his ways are higher then our ways, his thoughts are higher then our thoughts.

You see God is not dead, he's very much alive and desires a right relationship with each of his children and he knows each of our stories! Take care and God Bless!