This chapter starts with a moment in kitchen as the author is cooking with a friend and as the work continually at their tasks, the friend looks at Ann(author) and says, "You've changed." Unsure of what to say, Ann quickly gets back to preparing dinner for the two families.
Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving or giving thanks. The author plugs away at what she has been trying to change for a while, she talks about how if one is thirsty that they do not look for a book to quench their thirst, but they look for water. She continues to look within herself to see the transformation which has been taking place.
In the coming paragraphs the author begins a list, a list of things she is thankful, the list grows as she realizes just how much she has to be thankful. These are things which are very basic things, yet the smile is profound and the list grows, and it continues to grow as does her smile and her joy. It all goes back to one word, "Eucharisteo." Thanksgiving or giving thanks. Such a simple word, yet a profound experience when the author begins to live that word out daily in her life, the transformation is more than skin deep.
" And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them...." Gave thanks. This is the dare, this is Eucharisteo. She flips through the pages of her Bible and finds a couple verses from Philippians.
"I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little."
Philippians 4:11-12
This secret that Paul describes almost back to back in these verses is, Eucharisteo, it's as if this word is the very existence of the author. She begins to understand what it means to have thanksgiving or give thanks the more she digs in.
The next morning she grabs her pen and begins to continue the list of things which she is thankful for, her mind dances across thoughts, memories, and current undertakings. The list grows and so does the smile.
The author's husband comes and with a soft sigh, "We lost another litter this morning," he cleans himself as they sit down for breakfast. He's been up four hours already feeding the sows already; there is talk of what's been killing the litters and what is killing the late term pregnancies like what he is experiencing in his sows. There is continued to talk between the husband and the wife and the husband expresses his thoughts on what is killing all the litters as he's informed the local vet who he's been friends with since kindergarten.
The clear the table, he reads some scripture from Amos, the husband goes back to work. Late in the afternoon he comes in and heads directly to the study. He's on to something, already tapping furiously away at the keyboard, she watches from the kitchen. He continues to tap away at the keys, he's hot on the trail of what's been killing the litters, she rubs his shoulders and asks softly, "Anything?" He feels confident that he's found, but it's nearly impossible to eradicate, yet he breathes a sigh of relief. It's good just to name it.
Ann continues to create her list of what she is thankful for, what God has granted her. The list is now in the hundreds and it continues to grow. She makes a reference to the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve and walking in the cool of the day with God.
The author begins with some miracle of joy as she calls it, she is amazed at how her tongue just might be the tail of her heart. She is getting at the attitude of her heart as the tongue tells the story of what is in our heart; whether it's thankfulness or bitterness in some regard. Eucharisteo. The realization that many times she had heard the message, but never practiced being thankful or thanksgiving.
It's a new day and Ann is going back and forth with what will be her ink and parchment, but regardless she builds on her list. Her husband finds her, leaning over a plate of cheese all shredded and ready for a pizza. He remarks at how he likes finding her like this, lost in what she is doing, he pulls her close. Full of joy, happy in all the little things that God gives.
The next four pages is a continuation of Ann's desire to live a life of thanksgiving, she realizes that things in her life are changing, the joy, the happiness, and the thanksgiving. All tied to the attitude of being thankful for what we've been given.
My Thoughts
This chapter was particularly hard for me to read as certain memories were brought up and the circumstances which surrounded those specific times in my life. It challenged me in many different ways. I think it's difficult because it was either 2010 or 2011 and had been going through a series of VA appointments which were done in the Twin Cities because I had been experiencing difficulties in school. The results showed what it wasn't that was affecting, but it also pointed to what was bothering me.
I remember standing there and picking up the phone, talking to the doctor and hearing the results; naming what had been my struggle and in a moment I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew what was going, my assumption had been right. It was P.T.S.D. In the coming months, I would find myself struggling with the reality as life changed all around me.
The hard reality would set in when there would be flashbacks, moments of when I would struggle with the diagnoses, and would struggle to think who would ever want me. Yet here I am, with many friends all around and thankful that I have them with me, standing by my side. We all have our own challenges that we face and this has been mine in the sense that he's a struggle.
It's not who I am or who I've become, but some part of my reality although there are far more better days than worse days. It's for those days that I am truly thankful for, those moments when all seems right in my days where people do not notice my thoughts, actions, or mannerism. All they see is me, who I am today, not where I've been or what I've done, but the Nathan that Christ has redeemed, set free, and changed for the better.
Take care and God bless!!!
Amen!
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