I really don't want to write this blog honestly................. been dreading since it came to my mind last week when I was reading a book. I guess because of this coming Monday is the 5 year marker and the truth is that it's still as painful as the day it happened. Not the physical pain, but the emotional pain has been more then I ever thought I could bear.
What I'm about to share with all of you some of you may have never heard me talk about this before and others may have heard just parts of the story. I'm going to take you down a very down this path so please just sit back and follow along as I navigate the story for you. It's Dec 19th 2006 and my CET (convoy escort team) along with 25 or so fuel tankers. I'm talking about the ones your see filling up gas stations. My truck was the scout truck meaning we were 3-400 meters in front of the lead truck for the convoy. Basically we're looking for I.E.D.s and any suspicious activity that could pose a threat to security of the rest of the convoy. So at this stage in our mission we've left one base to return to our home base and we'd probably been on the road for maybe 2 hours, but I'd say about 1 1/2 hours. That's when our world got turned upside down. We had just made a transition from a secondary route to another secondary which required us to take an off ramp which lead into well very crappy part of Iraq. After we had came down off the off ramp we had just picked up a little speed as to keep our interval with the convoy and that's when it happened. BOOM! The I.E.D. exploded throwing a big piece of burning hot copper from the right side of the truck to the left side. The I.E.D. had almost completely severed the right arm below the elbow of the guy who was sitting next to me. As the shrapnel flew through the truck it was as if time slowed downed and I distinctly remember the shrapnel hitting me on the wrist and face then in what seemed like minutes the concussion of the blast finally hit causing me to break my nose then go unconscious. What I heard when I woke up confirmed my fears. I knew I needed help because there was no way that I could manage such a critically wounded soldier on my own. My gunner wasn't going to be much help due to the amount of shrapnel he received. It was my gunner who was able to single the other trucks to get up here fast all because of a chemical light. As the trucks came up and security was in place we began to work on the severely wounded my gunner and my T.C. (truck commander). It was me and one other person working on my gunner, our medic along with a few other people were working on our T.C. and it just so happened that our medic on the civilian side was a paramedic for city back in Minnesota. What seemed like hours was probably no more then 30minutes of being on the ground before the medevac (same as emergency medical helicopters) arrived on scene to take the three of to a military hospital in the Green Zone. Once I was there I had a CAT scan done then from there I was taken to a open room where I was given an I.V. and cleaned up my this medic. She was absolutely calm, ready to do whatever needed to be done. She wiped the dried blood off my face, pulled small pieces of shrapnel out and off of my face, and bandaged my left wrist which still had a chunk of shrapnel inside of it that would later fester and be pulled out by one of my buddies. After all this had happened I was taken to a room that was filled with soldiers like myself in some way shape or form. I found a rack (bed) and put my things on it as most of the guys were sleeping. A few minutes later a guy asked me if I wanted to see my buddies who had gone through the entire event with me. I just remember standing there in complete shock of how rough my buddies look compared to me. We talked for what seemed to be only 10 to 15 minutes before a guy came looking for me. I was then in a sense escorted to the on call shrink because what I had exhibited signs of what the Army refers to 1000 yard stare. It's as if the soldier is looking off into nothingness, emotionless almost. In complete shock basically.
I spent nearly two days in this hospital and constantly seeing the pain of hurting men. Men who've been shot at, blown up, tore up, and just beaten up. I met three men at this hospital during my time there that made a lasting impression on me and I remember them to this day. The first shared a room with a buddy of mine. This man was being sent back stateside due to the severity of his wounds that his received from the I.E.D. blast that he bad been in. He made me look like nothing compared to his wounds and we talked much about life. He talked of his daughter and her wedding that would be taking place soon and how much he missed his family. The second was a was an older man who had been shot in the hand while out on patrol with his soldiers and he had returned for surgery on his hand. The third was a younger man who had been wounded by the same type of I.E.D. that had wounded me. In the two days or so that I had been at this hospital I experienced much more then I ever thought I would honestly. I witnessed an angel flight which is where the bodies of fallen soldiers are loaded on helicopters then flown out of the country and are usually escorted as well. On the night I put my buddies on the helicopter for them to leave Iraq was unusually hard. I was sitting at a computer desk messing around on what then was the only social media device that being myspace, it just so happens that as I was getting to stand up the medic who took care of me was passing by. She asked me one very simple question, " How are you doing ?" I said I think we should go somewhere to talk and it all came out. I was in tears literally seconds after talking with her, this was so painful for me, to have gone through so much then lose the only guys who really understood what we had been through. That memory is still etched in my brain to this day. I remember her face, where we were sitting, and the sights and sounds as people passed by.
Two days later I'm sitting in a little tent at one of the bases where we traveled with our convoys waiting to get picked, but due to the amount of fog it had been made nearly impossible until the night of the 24th of December............... Christmas Eve. Go figure right lol So I had heard that there was possibly a handful of trucks from my unit heading southbound and swinging by to pick me up on their way south. During the trip south before they had a little run in with an I.E.D. thankfully they only substantiated vehicle damage and that no one way wounded. We picked up food at the chow hall then made our way south. The leg of the journey I fell asleep and just remember waking up a little north of our base. We arrived on Christmas morning around 0230ish, I pretty much ran to my trailer dropped my gear off and looking for anyone from my platoon. As I entered my trailer my roommate had set bowl with little goodies such as Hershey Kisses, suckers, and Kraft Easy Mac for when we didn't want to leave the trailer. I quickly dropped my body armor and ran to my squad leaders room where I pretty much pounded on his door and I was ecstatic when he answered. We embraced in a hug that only soldiers who've seen combat could understand or mothers and fathers who've lost sons. We talked and slowing, but surely my squad-mates entered in the tiny room. We talked and talked for a long time, then in typical military fashion we all headed outside for a smoke for those of us that smoked. We continued to talk about everything that happened that night, in some sense it was kind of like a counseling session for everyone involved that night. A few weeks later I would go on my last convoy ever and that was the end me doing convoy missions in Iraq.
Finished! Finally! Whew that was a post and a half and it didn't start or end easy at all. Thank you all for reading my blog.......... I really do appreciate that. I hope you all enjoy Christmas with your families and friends! Take care and God bless!
© Nathan Fahlin
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Healing and Restoration part 2
Little did I know that I would be coming back to topic and what happened Sunday was another example and way that God has shown me what He wants to do with my life and through me. Man what a day that was for me....... never have I cried that much or that hard.
This is the events of what transpired and what has happened since that time. I'm going to share some memories with all of you just to kinda give you an idea and paint the picture so to speak.. So let's rewind to the 19th of December 2006 and reply some events. The I.E.D. (improvised explosive device or roadside bomb) had just gone off, I had waken up from the concussion that I received to hear what confirmed the worst. After a lot of work by everyone who was there that day the 3 of us made it out alive. The three of us had just got on board the helicopter that was taking us a hospital, during that flight I was irate, anger, and all sorts of pissed. In the coming weeks I met with a Chaplin to talk about the events of what happened. I had a lot of questions and I still do. I was honestly upset with God, I wondered why it had happened, what purpose would it serve. It's almost 5 years after the fact and I'm still no closer to finding the answers to my questions. That's okay though because so much has changed because of what God has been doing in my life.
Let's jump now to this past Sunday and what happened there. Well right away when I woke up for some reason or another I was generally frustrated, hacked off, and annoyed. I didn't really know why honestly, but I knew that I was yet I still had responsibilities to fulfill. I went downstairs and proceeded to check the kids into Sunday School. After a while a friend came down and we talked a bit, but little did we both know that was just the beginning of what would happen. She went back up stairs and a few minutes later she came back down. What unfolded was healing, not just any old healing this was powerful, it went deep to the core of my heart. We talked about the anger I was feeling and how to process it, that's when she shared about what she had experienced when she lost her son at the tender age of 19. After having at it with God the only words she heard back was "I love you." At that moment the conversation changed, she knelt next to me and put her hand on my knee. I wept like had never wept before, she prayed as the song Forever Reign played in the background. (LOL!!!! This isn't even the best part!) The prayer was holy in every sense of the word, it was powerful, pure, and perfect that I have ever heard. After she had prayed, we hugged. The best part is what happened at the end of Sunday School when I got two cards from a boy and a girl from the Prek -K classroom. In the cards "I love you" was written................. I'm pretty sure I just got two cards from God.
What an amazing day................. this whole week has just been to good so far! I'm grateful that I get to share this with all of you who are reading my blog. What a God we serve.................. how grateful I am because so much has changed since being back at Anchor Point my home in a sense. This is my story and I'm sticking to it! May God Bless you and your families!
© Nathan Fahlin
This is the events of what transpired and what has happened since that time. I'm going to share some memories with all of you just to kinda give you an idea and paint the picture so to speak.. So let's rewind to the 19th of December 2006 and reply some events. The I.E.D. (improvised explosive device or roadside bomb) had just gone off, I had waken up from the concussion that I received to hear what confirmed the worst. After a lot of work by everyone who was there that day the 3 of us made it out alive. The three of us had just got on board the helicopter that was taking us a hospital, during that flight I was irate, anger, and all sorts of pissed. In the coming weeks I met with a Chaplin to talk about the events of what happened. I had a lot of questions and I still do. I was honestly upset with God, I wondered why it had happened, what purpose would it serve. It's almost 5 years after the fact and I'm still no closer to finding the answers to my questions. That's okay though because so much has changed because of what God has been doing in my life.
Let's jump now to this past Sunday and what happened there. Well right away when I woke up for some reason or another I was generally frustrated, hacked off, and annoyed. I didn't really know why honestly, but I knew that I was yet I still had responsibilities to fulfill. I went downstairs and proceeded to check the kids into Sunday School. After a while a friend came down and we talked a bit, but little did we both know that was just the beginning of what would happen. She went back up stairs and a few minutes later she came back down. What unfolded was healing, not just any old healing this was powerful, it went deep to the core of my heart. We talked about the anger I was feeling and how to process it, that's when she shared about what she had experienced when she lost her son at the tender age of 19. After having at it with God the only words she heard back was "I love you." At that moment the conversation changed, she knelt next to me and put her hand on my knee. I wept like had never wept before, she prayed as the song Forever Reign played in the background. (LOL!!!! This isn't even the best part!) The prayer was holy in every sense of the word, it was powerful, pure, and perfect that I have ever heard. After she had prayed, we hugged. The best part is what happened at the end of Sunday School when I got two cards from a boy and a girl from the Prek -K classroom. In the cards "I love you" was written................. I'm pretty sure I just got two cards from God.
What an amazing day................. this whole week has just been to good so far! I'm grateful that I get to share this with all of you who are reading my blog. What a God we serve.................. how grateful I am because so much has changed since being back at Anchor Point my home in a sense. This is my story and I'm sticking to it! May God Bless you and your families!
© Nathan Fahlin
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Expriences Part 2
Okay this is kind of strange. As I was spending my morning time with God this came to me like a river rushing over the rocks. I was just kind of shocked by how quickly this second post came up and how vivid the memories still are.
These experiences that I'm going to share are probably ones that I've honestly never shared with anyone outside the military before and if I have they have been few and far between. So to piggy back my last blog post I was talking about a soldier we had lost and how we all missed him. What I didn't share was that same day our entire company was there when we put his coffin a board a plane headed for home.
A few days after when things hand calmed down a bit my squad leader had been tasked to assemble a crew of 8 soldiers for the funeral. Seven of us where were part of the rifle team who were going to perform a 21 gun salute, the eighth is the bugle player. I remember going throw all the practices leading up to day of the funeral, drilling on movements, listening on commands, making sure our weapons were immaculate, and along with a crisp looking uniform. It was truly amazing to watch everything come together over the course of the week or so. How everyone involved put their best effort into everything they did just to honor this one soldier and he deserved it if you ask me.
The day of the funeral we were all their earlier to make any last minute preparations. The entire group of soldiers who made up from the speakers, to rifle detail it was simply amazing. Everyone was looking sharp, rifles we immaculate, and everything was in order. The hardest thing for me now is recalling the speakers and listening to them talk about Nick and what he had accomplished while on the deployment. They spoke of is ability to pick up on new equipment, his motivation to lose weight, to finish school to become a cop, and to be one of the best trained soldiers a leader could ever ask for. I remember marching outside of the building preparing for the 21 gun salute, hearing the commands, and going up front to pay our respects to our fallen soldier Sargent Nicholas D. Turcotte.
The vividness of the memories is still there today. I can see all the faces of everyone from the platoon, company, and leaders who came by to pay their respects. It's been to long since I've shared this memory with anyone, veteran and non veteran a like. This month of December which is usually a joyful month was turned into a month of morning, sadness, anger, and frustration. We had a couple more days off before we were allowed to return to duty after the passing of our friend. During this time we spent sometime shooting weapons, preparing our vehicles for our upcoming missions which we only knew that it would happen before long.
© Nathan Fahlin
These experiences that I'm going to share are probably ones that I've honestly never shared with anyone outside the military before and if I have they have been few and far between. So to piggy back my last blog post I was talking about a soldier we had lost and how we all missed him. What I didn't share was that same day our entire company was there when we put his coffin a board a plane headed for home.
A few days after when things hand calmed down a bit my squad leader had been tasked to assemble a crew of 8 soldiers for the funeral. Seven of us where were part of the rifle team who were going to perform a 21 gun salute, the eighth is the bugle player. I remember going throw all the practices leading up to day of the funeral, drilling on movements, listening on commands, making sure our weapons were immaculate, and along with a crisp looking uniform. It was truly amazing to watch everything come together over the course of the week or so. How everyone involved put their best effort into everything they did just to honor this one soldier and he deserved it if you ask me.
The day of the funeral we were all their earlier to make any last minute preparations. The entire group of soldiers who made up from the speakers, to rifle detail it was simply amazing. Everyone was looking sharp, rifles we immaculate, and everything was in order. The hardest thing for me now is recalling the speakers and listening to them talk about Nick and what he had accomplished while on the deployment. They spoke of is ability to pick up on new equipment, his motivation to lose weight, to finish school to become a cop, and to be one of the best trained soldiers a leader could ever ask for. I remember marching outside of the building preparing for the 21 gun salute, hearing the commands, and going up front to pay our respects to our fallen soldier Sargent Nicholas D. Turcotte.
The vividness of the memories is still there today. I can see all the faces of everyone from the platoon, company, and leaders who came by to pay their respects. It's been to long since I've shared this memory with anyone, veteran and non veteran a like. This month of December which is usually a joyful month was turned into a month of morning, sadness, anger, and frustration. We had a couple more days off before we were allowed to return to duty after the passing of our friend. During this time we spent sometime shooting weapons, preparing our vehicles for our upcoming missions which we only knew that it would happen before long.
© Nathan Fahlin
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Expriences Part 1
Wow what a week it has been I that I will say............ so glad it's Wednesday only problem is I work Saturday 8am-1pm lol! Oh well I'll get through it and to be honest I don't mind working at McDonald's and sure there are a few people I don't care to work with, but oh well (wow where did that rabbit come from cause that's one heck of a rabbit trail lol).
Okay back on topic. I'm going to share with all of you who read my blog some of my experiences from Iraq with you in the coming post. This is the first and therefore a bit of an introduction to what life in Iraq was. The setting is Tallil Air Base right outside the city of Ah-Nasiriyah which is located in the south central part of the country. It's December 2nd and I'm in chow hall getting my dinner or lunch cause at that time I was on the night shift. A buddy of mine is chatting it up with one of the medics who rides along with us when we do convoy escort missions up north. My buddy is the type of guy who can talk to anyone, anywhere, and instantly strike up a conversation. Well once again he's just talking to someone as I walk by I just give him a "Hey what's up." and continue to fill my plate with food. Little did I know that it would be the last time I would see him a live. Two days later I would learn of his fate and what began to be a hard month for all of us. It affected all us in many different ways, some took it hard while others dealt with it less painfully.
We were on the trucks to do a quick recovery mission to a small patrol base..... basically a walk in the park. I remember walking around the trucks talking to my buddies, getting everything situated for the mission. From the beginning I knew there was something wrong the way our leadership were constantly being called away and the way they reacted when any of us asked a question. So fast forward to about 12pm or 1pm some where in that frame. We had gotten back from the mission, gear off loaded, and trucks dropped off. A few moments later our squad leader gathered us around to inform that we had lost a soldier in a vehicle accident. That soldier was Nicholas Trucotte, who was infamous because of a certain situation which I will not recall. Nick was the type of guy you could go to when you were in a funk, needed help when you couldn't figure something out, or someone to talk to. I remember playing Tiger Woods Golf on his XBOX 360. He was a great friend and a good soldier. By now many of you might recognize the name because just recently was the fifth year marking his lose.
There is hardly a day that goes by that I don't think about him and what he meant to all of us. Sharing the good time, the bad times, and the times where it was just like life wouldn't move forward. I can't believe that it's already been five years................... wow time truly does fly honestly. You know this is my second December out of the military and away from everything that I understood and now look at me. There are times when I do think that I'd rather be back in the military and I'm not sure that feeling, urge or whatever you wanna call it will ever leave, but I'm becoming okay with that. I'm just grateful for coming home.
Like always I hope you all enjoy reading my blogs and I will continue to write them as long as their is material to put on the net lol There will be a few more parts to this blog and this was just the start of it.
© Nathan Fahlin
Okay back on topic. I'm going to share with all of you who read my blog some of my experiences from Iraq with you in the coming post. This is the first and therefore a bit of an introduction to what life in Iraq was. The setting is Tallil Air Base right outside the city of Ah-Nasiriyah which is located in the south central part of the country. It's December 2nd and I'm in chow hall getting my dinner or lunch cause at that time I was on the night shift. A buddy of mine is chatting it up with one of the medics who rides along with us when we do convoy escort missions up north. My buddy is the type of guy who can talk to anyone, anywhere, and instantly strike up a conversation. Well once again he's just talking to someone as I walk by I just give him a "Hey what's up." and continue to fill my plate with food. Little did I know that it would be the last time I would see him a live. Two days later I would learn of his fate and what began to be a hard month for all of us. It affected all us in many different ways, some took it hard while others dealt with it less painfully.
We were on the trucks to do a quick recovery mission to a small patrol base..... basically a walk in the park. I remember walking around the trucks talking to my buddies, getting everything situated for the mission. From the beginning I knew there was something wrong the way our leadership were constantly being called away and the way they reacted when any of us asked a question. So fast forward to about 12pm or 1pm some where in that frame. We had gotten back from the mission, gear off loaded, and trucks dropped off. A few moments later our squad leader gathered us around to inform that we had lost a soldier in a vehicle accident. That soldier was Nicholas Trucotte, who was infamous because of a certain situation which I will not recall. Nick was the type of guy you could go to when you were in a funk, needed help when you couldn't figure something out, or someone to talk to. I remember playing Tiger Woods Golf on his XBOX 360. He was a great friend and a good soldier. By now many of you might recognize the name because just recently was the fifth year marking his lose.
There is hardly a day that goes by that I don't think about him and what he meant to all of us. Sharing the good time, the bad times, and the times where it was just like life wouldn't move forward. I can't believe that it's already been five years................... wow time truly does fly honestly. You know this is my second December out of the military and away from everything that I understood and now look at me. There are times when I do think that I'd rather be back in the military and I'm not sure that feeling, urge or whatever you wanna call it will ever leave, but I'm becoming okay with that. I'm just grateful for coming home.
Like always I hope you all enjoy reading my blogs and I will continue to write them as long as their is material to put on the net lol There will be a few more parts to this blog and this was just the start of it.
© Nathan Fahlin
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Idenitiy Theft
As I was driving to class I noticed something considerably different in thought pattern along with my personality even. For me it started a long time ago and this has festered which has caused me a lot of pain in the past. I saw in the past because as of today the truth is in and the trash is out. As 1 Corinthains 5:17 says, " Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"
I won't drag this out anymore then what it will be and what I want to talk about is the nuts and bolts of this. The lies that are believed that causes an identity theft and secondly the truths that as a christian guy needs to recognize and understand who we are in Christ.
This is a very deeply rooted issues because I've been dealing with it for most of my life and it's only gotten worse after coming back from Iraq. With the talk of an engagement amongst my friends it's made it even harder because I'm going through a hard time right now honestly. After 4 years being I'm just now starting to decompress in many ways that I never did before when I came home. Most of my issues I suppressed them with multiple different things what they are isn't a concern anymore, but after all this time I'm starting to deal with them. With the looming thought of being diagnosed with P.T.S.D., the baggage from Iraq and the fact of going off to war is all painful. In many ways this has been a good season, but it also makes life just overall tougher for me. The more I look deeper inside of myself the more I see the identity theft that has taken place. I know it won't be easy to rid myself of this, but it's the least I can do right now.
So I'll bring you up to where I was when I realized what this truly had become which was about an hour ago as I was driving to class it as I praying like a ton of bricks. I felt the pain in my heart, the tears begin to form, and the longing to be who I am and not something that I'm not. Gosh I hate talking about this stuff...... stuff that I wish I didn't have to deal with, stuff that hurts because I've believed it for far to long. But this is what I get to deal with. Funny thing is I've told plenty of others about the verses that have helped me, but have I truly believed what I've told others now I'm not so sure after today.
The truths are outlined clearly in the bible. That we are treasured, loved, and valued. God's love should be enough, but yet with our insecurities it doesn't always have the effect that it should. This isn't one of the topics that I like talking about, but it needs to come out because I can't keep it in anymore.
© Nathan Fahlin
I won't drag this out anymore then what it will be and what I want to talk about is the nuts and bolts of this. The lies that are believed that causes an identity theft and secondly the truths that as a christian guy needs to recognize and understand who we are in Christ.
This is a very deeply rooted issues because I've been dealing with it for most of my life and it's only gotten worse after coming back from Iraq. With the talk of an engagement amongst my friends it's made it even harder because I'm going through a hard time right now honestly. After 4 years being I'm just now starting to decompress in many ways that I never did before when I came home. Most of my issues I suppressed them with multiple different things what they are isn't a concern anymore, but after all this time I'm starting to deal with them. With the looming thought of being diagnosed with P.T.S.D., the baggage from Iraq and the fact of going off to war is all painful. In many ways this has been a good season, but it also makes life just overall tougher for me. The more I look deeper inside of myself the more I see the identity theft that has taken place. I know it won't be easy to rid myself of this, but it's the least I can do right now.
So I'll bring you up to where I was when I realized what this truly had become which was about an hour ago as I was driving to class it as I praying like a ton of bricks. I felt the pain in my heart, the tears begin to form, and the longing to be who I am and not something that I'm not. Gosh I hate talking about this stuff...... stuff that I wish I didn't have to deal with, stuff that hurts because I've believed it for far to long. But this is what I get to deal with. Funny thing is I've told plenty of others about the verses that have helped me, but have I truly believed what I've told others now I'm not so sure after today.
The truths are outlined clearly in the bible. That we are treasured, loved, and valued. God's love should be enough, but yet with our insecurities it doesn't always have the effect that it should. This isn't one of the topics that I like talking about, but it needs to come out because I can't keep it in anymore.
© Nathan Fahlin
Friday, November 18, 2011
Being
Well I'm not really sure what the title is going to be for this one, but what I can tell you as with many of my blog they haven't been easy to write. As of matter of fact they have been flat out tough and so this one will be as well. What this post will consist of will be a variety of what's been happening recently.
Well where to start hmmm Wednesday seems like a good day to pick up and share with what's happening. The day consisted of going the V.A. (Veteran Affairs) for a follow up appointment from some testing that I did during the late summer/ early fall. As I figured out earlier in the fall that the test results were inconclusive therefore only leaving a small window for what I had been dealing with. The symptoms are as such: relentlessness, hyper vigilance, anxiety, and depression. Funny thing is they all point towards P.T.S.D. (post traumatic stress disorder) and I'm okay with that because after being told by the doctor that I'd seen over at the Superior, WI V.A. (Veteran Affairs) had told me that he thought I was adjusting fine, but I learned something when the topic of P.T.S.D. came back up again in October of this year. When I started making calls to them again I had found out that he had diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder yet never told me or scheduled any follow up appointments. When I learned that my frustration was beyond anything that I had experienced prior to that. Next it will be 4 weeks that I've been seeing a counselor at the local Vet Center and Monday next week marks the start of me seeing a Christian counselor which has been recommended to me by a close friend. So that's where I'm at right now, on the boundary of being diagnosed with the biggest stereotyped mental disorder among veterans returning from combat and I'm okay with that because it's finally being dealt with not being brushed under the rug so to speak.
This next topic is more then just a guy venting about stuff that's going on, it's a guy showing his struggles something that society doesn't like from men, but being a christian calls us to being real, to be in community with one another therefore talking about what's going on in our lives. I apologize right now because I don't know how anyone will react therefore this is kind of a disclaimer. Okay here it is. For a very long time as I grew up I was known as the quiet one, timid, and meek in a sense in some ways it was fine, but in other ways it hurt me more then it helped. The Nathan just about everyone sees today is a very changed person and I believe that's due to a large part of God and the military in regards in how I interact in social settings and friends. Monday my Dad brought up the subject of marriage which has been a constant conversation since this summer and fall. The pressure he puts on me I can handle to a degree, but the truth of the matter is he doesn't listen to anything I tell him. The second part to this is I'm good at being a friend, but right up until the part where you could start a relationship or whatever you want to call it. That's where my timidness comes out and that's where I struggle. That's when the nervousness and any other crap shows it's head. This is the other side of it too. When a woman in the years past takes a notice to me I haven't always had the best image of myself and a lot of times I would ask myself: "Why me ?" or "What does she see in me" and just recently I had a good friend share this with me and this is what he said, " Nathan, any women would be lucky to have you." I'm so grateful for his friendship and what's that meant to me. He's truly been an inspiration of what God can do through the struggles of life. I'm sure there is a ton of scripture that goes along with this, but right now my brain is on overload so this is what I'm gonna do which is call it finished and hope that people see me for who I am not just where I've been or what I've done because there is still a lot of living left to do for this Man of God.
© Nathan Fahlin
Well where to start hmmm Wednesday seems like a good day to pick up and share with what's happening. The day consisted of going the V.A. (Veteran Affairs) for a follow up appointment from some testing that I did during the late summer/ early fall. As I figured out earlier in the fall that the test results were inconclusive therefore only leaving a small window for what I had been dealing with. The symptoms are as such: relentlessness, hyper vigilance, anxiety, and depression. Funny thing is they all point towards P.T.S.D. (post traumatic stress disorder) and I'm okay with that because after being told by the doctor that I'd seen over at the Superior, WI V.A. (Veteran Affairs) had told me that he thought I was adjusting fine, but I learned something when the topic of P.T.S.D. came back up again in October of this year. When I started making calls to them again I had found out that he had diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder yet never told me or scheduled any follow up appointments. When I learned that my frustration was beyond anything that I had experienced prior to that. Next it will be 4 weeks that I've been seeing a counselor at the local Vet Center and Monday next week marks the start of me seeing a Christian counselor which has been recommended to me by a close friend. So that's where I'm at right now, on the boundary of being diagnosed with the biggest stereotyped mental disorder among veterans returning from combat and I'm okay with that because it's finally being dealt with not being brushed under the rug so to speak.
This next topic is more then just a guy venting about stuff that's going on, it's a guy showing his struggles something that society doesn't like from men, but being a christian calls us to being real, to be in community with one another therefore talking about what's going on in our lives. I apologize right now because I don't know how anyone will react therefore this is kind of a disclaimer. Okay here it is. For a very long time as I grew up I was known as the quiet one, timid, and meek in a sense in some ways it was fine, but in other ways it hurt me more then it helped. The Nathan just about everyone sees today is a very changed person and I believe that's due to a large part of God and the military in regards in how I interact in social settings and friends. Monday my Dad brought up the subject of marriage which has been a constant conversation since this summer and fall. The pressure he puts on me I can handle to a degree, but the truth of the matter is he doesn't listen to anything I tell him. The second part to this is I'm good at being a friend, but right up until the part where you could start a relationship or whatever you want to call it. That's where my timidness comes out and that's where I struggle. That's when the nervousness and any other crap shows it's head. This is the other side of it too. When a woman in the years past takes a notice to me I haven't always had the best image of myself and a lot of times I would ask myself: "Why me ?" or "What does she see in me" and just recently I had a good friend share this with me and this is what he said, " Nathan, any women would be lucky to have you." I'm so grateful for his friendship and what's that meant to me. He's truly been an inspiration of what God can do through the struggles of life. I'm sure there is a ton of scripture that goes along with this, but right now my brain is on overload so this is what I'm gonna do which is call it finished and hope that people see me for who I am not just where I've been or what I've done because there is still a lot of living left to do for this Man of God.
© Nathan Fahlin
Friday, November 4, 2011
Memories
Well as you can imagine with the title being what it is that you got an idea of what's going to be talked about. Here's the truth about something very real and I'm not sure how many people grasp this or even realize that it's there. I wouldn't change anything about what I did during my time in the military, wouldn't trade any of the memories, experiences, and trials.
As I begin to look back at my memories and some of the stuff that I went through I realized how much that's shaped and molded me in so many different ways. Just like life you take the good with the bad, but when you're in a combat zone the bad can seem to out weigh the good which can be very frustrating specifically if that's what you are looking for. Knowing that you served for some high purpose, made a difference somewhere, had an impact.
The past couple weeks have been filled with emotions and feelings that have not been around much along with memories that haven't been looked at in years for some nearly half a decade has gone by without that memory even been touched and now this memory is at the forefront of the thoughts all week long for me. As I was sitting in EMT class last night drawing out this picture of them memory I began to realize that there was no way I could hold on to this memory any longer. Surrender was the only option. I'm not sure how exactly to explain this piece of my memory, but here it is: I just been dropped off by the helicopter that had picked all three of us up after being wounded, before I could even get my bearings I was already on my way getting a Cat scan, after that I was promptly put on a medical bed. Next thing I remember was this medic coming over to me with this utter peace about her and a calmness that just washed over me like a wave of water hitting the rocks. She pulled off pieces of shrapnel off my face, washed the blood off, and bandaged the few wounds that I had. A few days later I was putting my buddies on a helicopter and they were on their way out of country. That night I was messing around on the computer when the same medic who had cleaned me up after being wounded, she found me and asked "How I was doing?" It probably didn't take her long to understand to see that I was pretty crappy. Here I was at a hospital with guys who were all sorts of messed, watching them come and go all day every day I was there just about. We sat down and started to talk, within minutes I'm completely crying my eyes out. This is moment I thought would never end, but it did I finally dried my eyes and went back to my rack (aka bed).
I never thought I'd share those memories with anyone honestly, not because people wouldn't understand, but how could they understand when they have never walked in my shoes......oh how wrong I was. I'm reminded of a song sung by Matthew West and the title is Strong Enough. It's talks about how we don't think we are strong enough to go through the current trials we are facing in our lives. Here's the absolute truth though God never gives us more then we can handle and when our strength starts to falter His strength prevails. There maybe pain in the night, but joy always comes in the morning. Take a look out your window right now and tell me what you are looking you can't find some kind of joy. For me it's simple, every morning I wake up is a blessing from God because as I've said many time I should of died in Iraq, but I'm here. Thank you all for your continued support, prayers and encouragement.
© Nathan Fahlin
As I begin to look back at my memories and some of the stuff that I went through I realized how much that's shaped and molded me in so many different ways. Just like life you take the good with the bad, but when you're in a combat zone the bad can seem to out weigh the good which can be very frustrating specifically if that's what you are looking for. Knowing that you served for some high purpose, made a difference somewhere, had an impact.
The past couple weeks have been filled with emotions and feelings that have not been around much along with memories that haven't been looked at in years for some nearly half a decade has gone by without that memory even been touched and now this memory is at the forefront of the thoughts all week long for me. As I was sitting in EMT class last night drawing out this picture of them memory I began to realize that there was no way I could hold on to this memory any longer. Surrender was the only option. I'm not sure how exactly to explain this piece of my memory, but here it is: I just been dropped off by the helicopter that had picked all three of us up after being wounded, before I could even get my bearings I was already on my way getting a Cat scan, after that I was promptly put on a medical bed. Next thing I remember was this medic coming over to me with this utter peace about her and a calmness that just washed over me like a wave of water hitting the rocks. She pulled off pieces of shrapnel off my face, washed the blood off, and bandaged the few wounds that I had. A few days later I was putting my buddies on a helicopter and they were on their way out of country. That night I was messing around on the computer when the same medic who had cleaned me up after being wounded, she found me and asked "How I was doing?" It probably didn't take her long to understand to see that I was pretty crappy. Here I was at a hospital with guys who were all sorts of messed, watching them come and go all day every day I was there just about. We sat down and started to talk, within minutes I'm completely crying my eyes out. This is moment I thought would never end, but it did I finally dried my eyes and went back to my rack (aka bed).
I never thought I'd share those memories with anyone honestly, not because people wouldn't understand, but how could they understand when they have never walked in my shoes......oh how wrong I was. I'm reminded of a song sung by Matthew West and the title is Strong Enough. It's talks about how we don't think we are strong enough to go through the current trials we are facing in our lives. Here's the absolute truth though God never gives us more then we can handle and when our strength starts to falter His strength prevails. There maybe pain in the night, but joy always comes in the morning. Take a look out your window right now and tell me what you are looking you can't find some kind of joy. For me it's simple, every morning I wake up is a blessing from God because as I've said many time I should of died in Iraq, but I'm here. Thank you all for your continued support, prayers and encouragement.
© Nathan Fahlin
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Healing and Restoration
There has been a lot of talk about healing and restoration in this age of Christianity that we live. I know some people that probably don't believe completely in healing and restoration, but let me share with you what's been going on with me and my life since I've came back to Christ along with coming home from Iraq after being wounded.
With war comes a lot of unseen wounds and some physical wounds as well. You see a lot when you're in a combat zone, death, life, and everything in between. When I returned home from Iraq there was and still is a lot of stuff that needs to be decompressed and let out. In the first coming months there wasn't really anything showing up in my life, but a few more months down the road the depression came out and it was bad. For about six months I did nothing, but eat, sleep, talk with my family, and play video games. Then about six months after being home I realized that I needed help and help bad because the path I was heading down wasn't good. In May of 2008 I put a call into my leadership and told him that things needed to change and change quick. That drill I started talking to a counselor which continued for about a year and a half. That fall I started back in school which brought in new friends, new contacts, and just another step forward in life. At this point I started going to church again and started down on that path again something that needed to happen to get my life back on track.
In 2009 my life really started to change in so many different way. One friend who really was my best friend for a good part of time started sharing with me the things I needed to change in me. That Christmas he asked me to the church I'm currently attending. That sermon I laughed more so then I had in a very long time. You might ask what would cause me to laugh and I'll share with you what it was. Youtube the movie "It's a wonderful Life" because this movie shows a lot of different parts, but the part that made me laugh was the seen when Mr. Bailey finds the money to save his bank, his home, and everything that he loves.
For me I knew in an instant that this is where I needed to be. Through the time that I've been at Anchor Point I've watched, listened, learned, and participated in many activities. I watched as God began his work in my life shaping me, molding me, and reforging me into the man He created me to be. There has been healing in many areas of my life where there had been nothing, but darkness for a long time, then there was light in my life again. The restoration has been very cool to watch because I can see it in the way I think, solve problems, communicate, and how I handle life. My life began to change slowly and steadily, bit by bit and piece by piece God began to put my life back together. Some people look at me kind of strange and others are "WOW!!!! Really ?!?!" when I tell the story of how things have began to change and how they are so very different now then what life was like for me when I first came versus what it is now.
God has done a marvelous work in my life and He continues to change me into what He wants me to be and I'm okay with that. It's not always easy, but then again when is life easy honestly. Life continues to get harder as we get older. I mean 18 it's college and by that time we have a car most of the time, then we need to figure out what to do with our lives, 21 we are able to drink which brings up a lot of risky situations, thinking about moving out, finding a job, finding a spouse. The more we grow older the more life gets harder which is the way it is honestly. It's a reality that sometimes I don't wanna acknowledge to be truthful, but it is. I hope you have enjoyed reading this as much as I have had typing this.
© Nathan Fahlin
With war comes a lot of unseen wounds and some physical wounds as well. You see a lot when you're in a combat zone, death, life, and everything in between. When I returned home from Iraq there was and still is a lot of stuff that needs to be decompressed and let out. In the first coming months there wasn't really anything showing up in my life, but a few more months down the road the depression came out and it was bad. For about six months I did nothing, but eat, sleep, talk with my family, and play video games. Then about six months after being home I realized that I needed help and help bad because the path I was heading down wasn't good. In May of 2008 I put a call into my leadership and told him that things needed to change and change quick. That drill I started talking to a counselor which continued for about a year and a half. That fall I started back in school which brought in new friends, new contacts, and just another step forward in life. At this point I started going to church again and started down on that path again something that needed to happen to get my life back on track.
In 2009 my life really started to change in so many different way. One friend who really was my best friend for a good part of time started sharing with me the things I needed to change in me. That Christmas he asked me to the church I'm currently attending. That sermon I laughed more so then I had in a very long time. You might ask what would cause me to laugh and I'll share with you what it was. Youtube the movie "It's a wonderful Life" because this movie shows a lot of different parts, but the part that made me laugh was the seen when Mr. Bailey finds the money to save his bank, his home, and everything that he loves.
For me I knew in an instant that this is where I needed to be. Through the time that I've been at Anchor Point I've watched, listened, learned, and participated in many activities. I watched as God began his work in my life shaping me, molding me, and reforging me into the man He created me to be. There has been healing in many areas of my life where there had been nothing, but darkness for a long time, then there was light in my life again. The restoration has been very cool to watch because I can see it in the way I think, solve problems, communicate, and how I handle life. My life began to change slowly and steadily, bit by bit and piece by piece God began to put my life back together. Some people look at me kind of strange and others are "WOW!!!! Really ?!?!" when I tell the story of how things have began to change and how they are so very different now then what life was like for me when I first came versus what it is now.
God has done a marvelous work in my life and He continues to change me into what He wants me to be and I'm okay with that. It's not always easy, but then again when is life easy honestly. Life continues to get harder as we get older. I mean 18 it's college and by that time we have a car most of the time, then we need to figure out what to do with our lives, 21 we are able to drink which brings up a lot of risky situations, thinking about moving out, finding a job, finding a spouse. The more we grow older the more life gets harder which is the way it is honestly. It's a reality that sometimes I don't wanna acknowledge to be truthful, but it is. I hope you have enjoyed reading this as much as I have had typing this.
© Nathan Fahlin
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Almost Dying
This topic hit me like a brick wall when I started doing some lifting this morning because of certain frustrations that come up from life. I never realized it nor even considered it a concern, but recently with stuff from my time in Iraq coming back I'm almost shocked that I hadn't truly acknowledged this as an issue.
Here's what's been going on. For close to half a decade I've had the thought that I should be dead no question about it. The night I was wounded by the I.E.D., I should of died and for some unforeseen reason God decided to save my life yet again. The first time you might ask was when He sent His son to die on the cross so that everyone of us may have eternal life. This thought has been subconscious and hardly even recognized by me at all. I can look back through my memories and a lot of the time when I talk about what I did in the military or Iraq that's usually one of the things that I talk about. That's this conversation shouldn't be happening, but it is.
Please don't ask me what God's plan is or what His intentions are because I really don't know. What I do know is this: I believe that there is some greater purpose to my life that God saw value in saving me and returning me home to the family that loves. I'm truly grateful of this time I have been given, but I'm struggling to accept such a mighty gift because the greatest gift one person can receive is life which was first given by God our Creator. Just about everyday I wake and have this thought that I shouldn't even be here, but I am so I guess now the question is: "What do I do with the time that's been given to me?" I think some people would say enjoy life, experience everything that life has to offer, have a wife and kids(which is oddly enough something that I do want lol!), or do whatever you think you would want to do.
This is the truth of the matter. I've come to the conclusion that I would rather do what God has set before me because I believe in this verse from the book of Ephesians chapter 2 verse 10: " For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." I believe this is another reason why that God spared my life on the day that which of I should of died. I do believe that there is more to this journey then what I've experienced already which means that there is a lot of living left to do.
I remember a quote from a sermon in which one of my pastors was talking about a friend that he lost to cancer if memory serves me correctly. As the pastor was dying he said this quote, " I've spent most of my years here preaching and doing my best to show on to live for Christ and now I'm going to show them how to die for Christ." The pastor had 6 months to live and I can't imagine what that must of been like. The part I want to focus on is where he talks about "living for Christ" which is a phrase that is to easily slung around. This phrase "living for Christ" means that we are living for a greater purpose then ourselves, a career that we want, and anything else that might be placed a head of living for Christ. I know, I know lots of people say this and few act it out, but I think what needs to happen is that people need to have a better understand of what it means to truly be a Christian honestly. If we look at these passages from Philippians 1:21 and Galatians 2:20 I think we might be able to get a good picture of what it possibly means "living for Christ."
Philippians 1:21 "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." What I believe this author is talking about is what people don't grasp in our modern day Christianity which is if we are to live as Followers of Christ, that we are to do everything to the glory of the one who saved us, who's blood was spilled on the cross, but it should of been our blood.
Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." This verse makes in crystal clear that we are live for Christ if you ask me and that we are to live a live that is Christ like, we are to be transformed so that we look more like Jesus and less like ourselves.
So this is what I've realized in my own life and I know I have my own downfalls simply because I'm human and not perfect. I know I make mistakes, stumble, fall, and do everything else that we as humans do, but it's how you handle those situations that will help transform into the imagine of Christ. One thing that I have a problem with is telling people I'm a Christian, my actions should show it by the way I live my life, talk to friends, handle situations, and every other aspect of life. To me being a Christian should be an outward expression of what Christ has done for us. That we may live our lives for something greater then ourselves. Yes, there will trials, pains, and everything else that life and the devil can throw at us, but in those moments which is all the time we need to rely on God to get us through not ourselves. SOOOOOOOOOOO be transformed!
© Nathan Fahlin
Here's what's been going on. For close to half a decade I've had the thought that I should be dead no question about it. The night I was wounded by the I.E.D., I should of died and for some unforeseen reason God decided to save my life yet again. The first time you might ask was when He sent His son to die on the cross so that everyone of us may have eternal life. This thought has been subconscious and hardly even recognized by me at all. I can look back through my memories and a lot of the time when I talk about what I did in the military or Iraq that's usually one of the things that I talk about. That's this conversation shouldn't be happening, but it is.
Please don't ask me what God's plan is or what His intentions are because I really don't know. What I do know is this: I believe that there is some greater purpose to my life that God saw value in saving me and returning me home to the family that loves. I'm truly grateful of this time I have been given, but I'm struggling to accept such a mighty gift because the greatest gift one person can receive is life which was first given by God our Creator. Just about everyday I wake and have this thought that I shouldn't even be here, but I am so I guess now the question is: "What do I do with the time that's been given to me?" I think some people would say enjoy life, experience everything that life has to offer, have a wife and kids(which is oddly enough something that I do want lol!), or do whatever you think you would want to do.
This is the truth of the matter. I've come to the conclusion that I would rather do what God has set before me because I believe in this verse from the book of Ephesians chapter 2 verse 10: " For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." I believe this is another reason why that God spared my life on the day that which of I should of died. I do believe that there is more to this journey then what I've experienced already which means that there is a lot of living left to do.
I remember a quote from a sermon in which one of my pastors was talking about a friend that he lost to cancer if memory serves me correctly. As the pastor was dying he said this quote, " I've spent most of my years here preaching and doing my best to show on to live for Christ and now I'm going to show them how to die for Christ." The pastor had 6 months to live and I can't imagine what that must of been like. The part I want to focus on is where he talks about "living for Christ" which is a phrase that is to easily slung around. This phrase "living for Christ" means that we are living for a greater purpose then ourselves, a career that we want, and anything else that might be placed a head of living for Christ. I know, I know lots of people say this and few act it out, but I think what needs to happen is that people need to have a better understand of what it means to truly be a Christian honestly. If we look at these passages from Philippians 1:21 and Galatians 2:20 I think we might be able to get a good picture of what it possibly means "living for Christ."
Philippians 1:21 "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." What I believe this author is talking about is what people don't grasp in our modern day Christianity which is if we are to live as Followers of Christ, that we are to do everything to the glory of the one who saved us, who's blood was spilled on the cross, but it should of been our blood.
Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." This verse makes in crystal clear that we are live for Christ if you ask me and that we are to live a live that is Christ like, we are to be transformed so that we look more like Jesus and less like ourselves.
So this is what I've realized in my own life and I know I have my own downfalls simply because I'm human and not perfect. I know I make mistakes, stumble, fall, and do everything else that we as humans do, but it's how you handle those situations that will help transform into the imagine of Christ. One thing that I have a problem with is telling people I'm a Christian, my actions should show it by the way I live my life, talk to friends, handle situations, and every other aspect of life. To me being a Christian should be an outward expression of what Christ has done for us. That we may live our lives for something greater then ourselves. Yes, there will trials, pains, and everything else that life and the devil can throw at us, but in those moments which is all the time we need to rely on God to get us through not ourselves. SOOOOOOOOOOO be transformed!
© Nathan Fahlin
Friday, October 7, 2011
Comments or lack there of
I would like to take this time to encourage the readers of my blog to leave comments more often simply because as of right now I have one comment on all my blog posts. Please do not be afraid to leave a comment and share your thoughts and opinions.
Those of you who are following my blog constantly I would like to take this time to ask for any feedback whether it's my writing style, punctuations, spelling or lack there of. I guess this is your time to give me any grips, complaints, and or complements.
Sincerly,
Nathan Fahlin
Those of you who are following my blog constantly I would like to take this time to ask for any feedback whether it's my writing style, punctuations, spelling or lack there of. I guess this is your time to give me any grips, complaints, and or complements.
Sincerly,
Nathan Fahlin
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Worth dying for
What a beautiful morning drive it was as I headed to church on this cool crisp fall morning. The leaves in full turn, the colors so bright with the trees standing still. I was thinking about this topic yesterday as I was severely bored out of my mind, the topic kind of goes along with what I was talking about in my last.
I know this might not be the most pleasant topic, but the truth is that we need to look at is this: Is what we are living for worth dying for ? Is the gospel worth dying for ? Is Christ worth dying for ? This is something that I want to talk about more because the truth is that I hadn't thought much about this topic at all before this summer. As I read through Radical this summer with my mentor I came to realize that was the gospel worth living for? Was Christ really worth dying ? The decision came pretty quick for me with the answer a resounding "YES."
It was easy for me simply put and I'll explain it as best I can. By now most of you know that I served in the military and was in Iraq where there I almost died a couple of times. The more I thought about the topic "Is the Gospel worth dying for ?", the more I realized the answer in my heart. I'll explain it like this at the age of 19 I signed a piece of paper saying that I would serve my country and if necessary I would give my life in service to her. If I was willing to die for my country something that I truly love and believe in then was I willing to die for the Gospel the question came out as.
By the time I was 23 I had experienced more then some people will in their entire lives who live in our great country. I had lost a friend, experienced first hand what an I.E.D. (improvised explosive device) can do to a person, and by the time I came home the amount of change that had happened was huge. I was in 2009 that I realized that I had been living for myself and I just wasn't going to have any of it anymore. By 2010 I had been attending Anchor Point for about 6 months or so and that when I really realized that there was way more to life then what I was living for. This is when I really saw God working in my life, I began a transformation that I wasn't really sure was possible. Then this summer I read Radical which opened me up more and to the concept that I needed to understand that if I was so willing to die for my country then the Gospel and Christ were worth dying for. The truth that I grabbed on to was that this isn't just life changing, it's eternal changing which means it has an impact of epic proportions in a sense it changes a persons stars. The hard thing for me is that I'm a soldier, a protector through and through which means it's hard for me to surrender. Which means if God asked me to lay down my life and be that martyr, I would struggle with that because I don't like going down without a fight. I know this is God's fight, not mine, but the truth is that I would rather go down swinging then on my knees. I sure hope he understands that and I'm sure he does. Yeah I know sad and depressing ending right, but it's the truth that we need to come to realize and understand.
So what is the Gospel worth to you ? Is Christ really worth it ? I have my answers, but now I challenge you to look at your heart and ask the questions to you. I have my answers and I can't answer any bodies questions. We all have to ask ourselves and look at our own heart and ask the tough questions. It's a heart check to see where we really are. Truth is that there are few of us that God may ask to lay down our life for the cause of the Gospel.
© Nathan Fahlin
I know this might not be the most pleasant topic, but the truth is that we need to look at is this: Is what we are living for worth dying for ? Is the gospel worth dying for ? Is Christ worth dying for ? This is something that I want to talk about more because the truth is that I hadn't thought much about this topic at all before this summer. As I read through Radical this summer with my mentor I came to realize that was the gospel worth living for? Was Christ really worth dying ? The decision came pretty quick for me with the answer a resounding "YES."
It was easy for me simply put and I'll explain it as best I can. By now most of you know that I served in the military and was in Iraq where there I almost died a couple of times. The more I thought about the topic "Is the Gospel worth dying for ?", the more I realized the answer in my heart. I'll explain it like this at the age of 19 I signed a piece of paper saying that I would serve my country and if necessary I would give my life in service to her. If I was willing to die for my country something that I truly love and believe in then was I willing to die for the Gospel the question came out as.
By the time I was 23 I had experienced more then some people will in their entire lives who live in our great country. I had lost a friend, experienced first hand what an I.E.D. (improvised explosive device) can do to a person, and by the time I came home the amount of change that had happened was huge. I was in 2009 that I realized that I had been living for myself and I just wasn't going to have any of it anymore. By 2010 I had been attending Anchor Point for about 6 months or so and that when I really realized that there was way more to life then what I was living for. This is when I really saw God working in my life, I began a transformation that I wasn't really sure was possible. Then this summer I read Radical which opened me up more and to the concept that I needed to understand that if I was so willing to die for my country then the Gospel and Christ were worth dying for. The truth that I grabbed on to was that this isn't just life changing, it's eternal changing which means it has an impact of epic proportions in a sense it changes a persons stars. The hard thing for me is that I'm a soldier, a protector through and through which means it's hard for me to surrender. Which means if God asked me to lay down my life and be that martyr, I would struggle with that because I don't like going down without a fight. I know this is God's fight, not mine, but the truth is that I would rather go down swinging then on my knees. I sure hope he understands that and I'm sure he does. Yeah I know sad and depressing ending right, but it's the truth that we need to come to realize and understand.
So what is the Gospel worth to you ? Is Christ really worth it ? I have my answers, but now I challenge you to look at your heart and ask the questions to you. I have my answers and I can't answer any bodies questions. We all have to ask ourselves and look at our own heart and ask the tough questions. It's a heart check to see where we really are. Truth is that there are few of us that God may ask to lay down our life for the cause of the Gospel.
© Nathan Fahlin
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Puprose what be yours
What is your purpose ? What are you living ? Is it worth fighting for ? Is it worth dying for ? I ask these questions because as I sit here typing on my computer again I realize that for the time I've been home only part of the time have I been living for something bigger then myself.
For a while I was without purpose, without something worth living for, and frankly nothing that was worth giving my life for. For reasons without understanding I felt the need to talk about purpose, about making our lives count for something bigger then ourselves. As Christians we are called to make our lives count, to have an impact in the community that we are apart of. I struggle with this probably more then I should, but I'm not perfect so my guess is I will struggle with this for the rest of my life. One thing I've come to realize is that when my life is spent I want to that it made an impact around those around me, that I lived for something more then myself.
Over the course of the summer I read a book called Radical which really helped change my perspective on what I was living for. Today as I sat down to play a computer game I sat staring at my screen like what typically happens then I asked myself, "What's my purpose?" , "What I'm living for ?" I know when I was in the military I had a purpose and I knew what I was living for, but now that I'm out I struggle with finding my purpose and as a student it's hard because you life is can be consumed in a matter of minutes. I think some people would say that college is my purpose right now, but in truth that doesn't fill the void in me right now. I can tell you what would fill the void which is knowing that my life has a purpose to it right and that I'm living for something bigger then myself. What does this mean ? I believe it means that I take a serious look at my heart and my motives to see if they are self serving or God honoring.
I look at my day to day life at home and at school, what I come up with just frustrates me. My school routine looks like going to school, hanging out in the Veteran's Center till class mean while I sit there talking about what we( by we I mean vets) have done. This I know needs to change and change now it must. Last spring I watched a movie that challenged me more then anything had in a long time. I think it's time to watch that movie again. The movie was To Save a Life and I think it's time I take a peek at that movie again. As I wander the halls of my campus at Lake Superior College I see a lot of people just sitting a lone with no one to talk to or hang out with. To many times in my time I have been that person just wishing for someone to come a long to talk to me, to hang and share life even if it's only for a day. At home it's a different story because more times then I care to, once I get home I'm ready to leave again. It's just different and I'm not really sure how to explain, wish I could though.
So this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to stop hanging out in the Veterans' Center all the even though I truly feel comfortable in there because everyone in there has been to either Iraq and Afghanistan. Therefore they understand what a guy like me has been through in more ways then one. What I intend to do is making connections with people who need someone to talk to, hang out with while at school, or just eat lunch with. Crazy it is I think at times how God shows us what's going on at our campus and is like HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANYONE HOME?!?!?!?!?!?!? ;)
So what are you going to do ? Are you going to make your life something more then just about you ? Is your life going to make that difference ? Are you going to make an impact ? Are you going to let God work through you ? Or are you just going to sink back into your normal life. I know what I'm going to do, how about you!
© Nathan Fahlin
For a while I was without purpose, without something worth living for, and frankly nothing that was worth giving my life for. For reasons without understanding I felt the need to talk about purpose, about making our lives count for something bigger then ourselves. As Christians we are called to make our lives count, to have an impact in the community that we are apart of. I struggle with this probably more then I should, but I'm not perfect so my guess is I will struggle with this for the rest of my life. One thing I've come to realize is that when my life is spent I want to that it made an impact around those around me, that I lived for something more then myself.
Over the course of the summer I read a book called Radical which really helped change my perspective on what I was living for. Today as I sat down to play a computer game I sat staring at my screen like what typically happens then I asked myself, "What's my purpose?" , "What I'm living for ?" I know when I was in the military I had a purpose and I knew what I was living for, but now that I'm out I struggle with finding my purpose and as a student it's hard because you life is can be consumed in a matter of minutes. I think some people would say that college is my purpose right now, but in truth that doesn't fill the void in me right now. I can tell you what would fill the void which is knowing that my life has a purpose to it right and that I'm living for something bigger then myself. What does this mean ? I believe it means that I take a serious look at my heart and my motives to see if they are self serving or God honoring.
I look at my day to day life at home and at school, what I come up with just frustrates me. My school routine looks like going to school, hanging out in the Veteran's Center till class mean while I sit there talking about what we( by we I mean vets) have done. This I know needs to change and change now it must. Last spring I watched a movie that challenged me more then anything had in a long time. I think it's time to watch that movie again. The movie was To Save a Life and I think it's time I take a peek at that movie again. As I wander the halls of my campus at Lake Superior College I see a lot of people just sitting a lone with no one to talk to or hang out with. To many times in my time I have been that person just wishing for someone to come a long to talk to me, to hang and share life even if it's only for a day. At home it's a different story because more times then I care to, once I get home I'm ready to leave again. It's just different and I'm not really sure how to explain, wish I could though.
So this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to stop hanging out in the Veterans' Center all the even though I truly feel comfortable in there because everyone in there has been to either Iraq and Afghanistan. Therefore they understand what a guy like me has been through in more ways then one. What I intend to do is making connections with people who need someone to talk to, hang out with while at school, or just eat lunch with. Crazy it is I think at times how God shows us what's going on at our campus and is like HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANYONE HOME?!?!?!?!?!?!? ;)
So what are you going to do ? Are you going to make your life something more then just about you ? Is your life going to make that difference ? Are you going to make an impact ? Are you going to let God work through you ? Or are you just going to sink back into your normal life. I know what I'm going to do, how about you!
© Nathan Fahlin
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
With or without hope
Where to start. Well think I know and that is everyone needs hope. They generally don't need to be told what they are doing wrong, but what they need is hope. We were designed to have hope in our lives it's just how we were created.
So with hope or without hope. It's your choice. I want hope because this is what happens without. Hope deferred makes the heart sick, we don't believe it's possible for our current situations whatever they that they can change. We need hope there is just no way around it, I don't care who you are we need hope. God created us to have hope and by denying hope we are saying that our situations will never change at all. For me hope is the reason why I have faith. If you are a person with faith and hope then you might as well be unstoppable. See we will all have times in our lives or have had where we have felt hopeless or near hopelessness, but the reality is if we have hope then add faith in God where can stand against us.
I've recently engaged in two different conversations with two very different people talking about hope and what it does to us. In both conversations either both or one of the people felt hopeless that their current situation couldn't change. I know one of these people very well and we've had many conversations about changing their situation. It becomes difficult when there is a mountain of stuff that they have to deal with. That's why we need hope. I realize it more and more when I talk to other people who either don't have hope or who have hope. It is such an important part of who we are that God designed us to have hope. Hope is so important God said this in Isaiah 40:31"31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." This is why we need to put our hope in the Lord.
This is what I've experienced honestly. There was a time where I was just about without hope. It came at a time where my faith was just about dead and spiritually I was an absolute mess. I remember just feeling at a lose for all things even my faith in God was dwindling to the point where I said, "I'm beginning to doubt that there isn't a God." There was just so much pain and hurt at that time in my life and this was all be getting deployed to Iraq. I remember walking into drill and talking to a buddy saying what I just said about doubting there is a God and this is what my buddy said something along the lines of this, "There is a God and we have to have faith in Him." What that did to me at the time I didn't understand, but now I have a clearer thought of it. That little comment gave me hope, a hope that continued to push me forward in all areas of my life at that time. God used that conversation to keep me on the path that He already designed for me. Where would I be if I had lost hope ? That's a good question and I shudder to think where I would be honestly.
So have hope because if a guy like me who's been through combat, wounded, and several close calls can have hope then you can to. In no way am I making fun of any situations that people are dealing with. I'm just asking that you have hope and put your hope in God and his son Jesus Christ who has paid the price for us and our sins. So here's what I say. Have hope and have faith not simply because that's the way were designed, but because our hope and faith our in God. I know our situations can look grim, but you know what with hope there is always the chance that they will change.
© Nathan Fahlin
So with hope or without hope. It's your choice. I want hope because this is what happens without. Hope deferred makes the heart sick, we don't believe it's possible for our current situations whatever they that they can change. We need hope there is just no way around it, I don't care who you are we need hope. God created us to have hope and by denying hope we are saying that our situations will never change at all. For me hope is the reason why I have faith. If you are a person with faith and hope then you might as well be unstoppable. See we will all have times in our lives or have had where we have felt hopeless or near hopelessness, but the reality is if we have hope then add faith in God where can stand against us.
I've recently engaged in two different conversations with two very different people talking about hope and what it does to us. In both conversations either both or one of the people felt hopeless that their current situation couldn't change. I know one of these people very well and we've had many conversations about changing their situation. It becomes difficult when there is a mountain of stuff that they have to deal with. That's why we need hope. I realize it more and more when I talk to other people who either don't have hope or who have hope. It is such an important part of who we are that God designed us to have hope. Hope is so important God said this in Isaiah 40:31"31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." This is why we need to put our hope in the Lord.
This is what I've experienced honestly. There was a time where I was just about without hope. It came at a time where my faith was just about dead and spiritually I was an absolute mess. I remember just feeling at a lose for all things even my faith in God was dwindling to the point where I said, "I'm beginning to doubt that there isn't a God." There was just so much pain and hurt at that time in my life and this was all be getting deployed to Iraq. I remember walking into drill and talking to a buddy saying what I just said about doubting there is a God and this is what my buddy said something along the lines of this, "There is a God and we have to have faith in Him." What that did to me at the time I didn't understand, but now I have a clearer thought of it. That little comment gave me hope, a hope that continued to push me forward in all areas of my life at that time. God used that conversation to keep me on the path that He already designed for me. Where would I be if I had lost hope ? That's a good question and I shudder to think where I would be honestly.
So have hope because if a guy like me who's been through combat, wounded, and several close calls can have hope then you can to. In no way am I making fun of any situations that people are dealing with. I'm just asking that you have hope and put your hope in God and his son Jesus Christ who has paid the price for us and our sins. So here's what I say. Have hope and have faith not simply because that's the way were designed, but because our hope and faith our in God. I know our situations can look grim, but you know what with hope there is always the chance that they will change.
© Nathan Fahlin
Monday, September 5, 2011
Normal or common
Hopefully this will shed some light on things that veterans have to deal when coming home from war. Stuff that maybe most people don't understand, don't realize or for whatever reason are just clueless. I'm going to talk what's common among veterans as I'm still learning myself because this is still something that I'm learning about.
After a handful of doctor appointments to the VA hospital in Minneapolis and Superior along with more hours logged in my truck driving I dare say that I have a better grasp on what's common among veterans who've returned from war. My tolerance for people is lower then what is has been simply because I do not tolerate others as much along with my lack of tolerance comes an irritability with people who don't educate themselves.
These are probably two that I struggle most with for many reasons. Tolerance is one of those things that I generally don't have a problem with unless the people I'm talking to haven't educated themselves on the topic they are talking about. The truth is if you haven't taken the time to research and educate yourself on the topic that's being talked about then my tolerance for you just got a whole lot lower. I see to many people looking for society, media, and other sources to educate themselves instead of doing the work themselves. This is also were I have a problem with social media devices too. I know it's not right and that's something I do struggle with and it's going to take sometime to change that. It's frustrating at times because there are people that I like, but for most my tolerances have gone which makes spending time with them tough.
Irritability comes up a lot when I'm driving. I joke around with people who know me about driving and how much other people irritate me with the way they drive or lack of their ability. I'll be the first say I'm not the best driver, but when you're merging in and out of traffic seriously get off your cell phone. This is one area that has seen more improvement because I know it needs to change because I've watched myself do some weird things while driving and the irritability level just goes through the roof.
I didn't mention this one up above like I did the other two, but arguably this topic is probably I struggle with more then anything else and the one I have made the least amount of progress with. Isolation. It sucks and I really don't like feeling isolated. For the majority of August I felt isolated among just about any group of people I hung out with minus veterans for obvious reasons. I can recall several times where I was around people who I call friend, but just totally isolated in the group I was in. It drove me nuts because I all I wanted was to be welcomed. There was a couple times in August that I honestly just wanted to leave because it was just to hard to hang the people I was with and I'm talking about good friends who've proven themselves worthy of a friendship. What makes a person want to do that you might ask ? I won't go into that topic because that is a can of worms I don't wanna open this morning.
I truly do believe there is a reason why I'm around the body of believer that I am with right now because without them I believe I might be lost and ever searching, but would I find what I was looking I dunno. It's been a long road so far, but what's happened is truly amazing so far if you ask me. Well I suppose it's time to rap this up and that okay. It was good to get this out and into the open. I do enjoy writing like this because I get to talk about topics that I actually like. Have a good day and God Bless!:)
© Nathan Fahlin
After a handful of doctor appointments to the VA hospital in Minneapolis and Superior along with more hours logged in my truck driving I dare say that I have a better grasp on what's common among veterans who've returned from war. My tolerance for people is lower then what is has been simply because I do not tolerate others as much along with my lack of tolerance comes an irritability with people who don't educate themselves.
These are probably two that I struggle most with for many reasons. Tolerance is one of those things that I generally don't have a problem with unless the people I'm talking to haven't educated themselves on the topic they are talking about. The truth is if you haven't taken the time to research and educate yourself on the topic that's being talked about then my tolerance for you just got a whole lot lower. I see to many people looking for society, media, and other sources to educate themselves instead of doing the work themselves. This is also were I have a problem with social media devices too. I know it's not right and that's something I do struggle with and it's going to take sometime to change that. It's frustrating at times because there are people that I like, but for most my tolerances have gone which makes spending time with them tough.
Irritability comes up a lot when I'm driving. I joke around with people who know me about driving and how much other people irritate me with the way they drive or lack of their ability. I'll be the first say I'm not the best driver, but when you're merging in and out of traffic seriously get off your cell phone. This is one area that has seen more improvement because I know it needs to change because I've watched myself do some weird things while driving and the irritability level just goes through the roof.
I didn't mention this one up above like I did the other two, but arguably this topic is probably I struggle with more then anything else and the one I have made the least amount of progress with. Isolation. It sucks and I really don't like feeling isolated. For the majority of August I felt isolated among just about any group of people I hung out with minus veterans for obvious reasons. I can recall several times where I was around people who I call friend, but just totally isolated in the group I was in. It drove me nuts because I all I wanted was to be welcomed. There was a couple times in August that I honestly just wanted to leave because it was just to hard to hang the people I was with and I'm talking about good friends who've proven themselves worthy of a friendship. What makes a person want to do that you might ask ? I won't go into that topic because that is a can of worms I don't wanna open this morning.
I truly do believe there is a reason why I'm around the body of believer that I am with right now because without them I believe I might be lost and ever searching, but would I find what I was looking I dunno. It's been a long road so far, but what's happened is truly amazing so far if you ask me. Well I suppose it's time to rap this up and that okay. It was good to get this out and into the open. I do enjoy writing like this because I get to talk about topics that I actually like. Have a good day and God Bless!:)
© Nathan Fahlin
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
I've been wanting to do another post, but haven't liked to much what I've been writing about so up until now I've scrapped every idea that came out for some reason or another. Now I think I finally have a topic to talk about, but it's not one I'm very fond of honestly.
Today was a pretty good day overall. Started out well with rollerblading with a friend, then came home ate more food lol, got my room in order, put in a few more job applications, and hung out with friends. The more I continue to push forward with the doctor appointments with the VA the tougher it gets for me to control my mood, it seems more then often my days shrink away and I'm left feeling isolated. Here are some pretty cold hard truths about me: 1) I don't trust people easily because I was burned my a close friend from my high school days, 2) I have struggled with rejection and acceptance most of my life, 3) I struggle trusting God and myself. It's hard for me to share this with others, but it's all a part of me right now. Do I like these thing ? No, I want change to happen, but I'm just not sure where to start.
There are a lot of positives about me and who I am along with my relationship with Jesus and God. There has been a lot of frustration lately and I'm not sure what I can do about it. I look at my peers meaning other Christians who I'm around, but not really my age because we're two very different groups. And I think wow could I be more different from these people ? One thing I do love that God is doing which is how He's using the body of believers that He has put around me in this time of my life to help guide me, teach me, and use me in many different ways. The truth is God really knows what he's doing and I say that with all the confidence in my heart. I've got some great godly men and women around, peers who really love God and not just on the surface, they continue to push me in ways that help propel me with my walk with God and Jesus. I do believe that God is using this time in my life to teach me a lot of different things and I don't really know why exactly, but I know He does.
It's different when people who are your peers thank for your service to your country. A good example of this is a woman I know who is probably only twenty or so has thanked me for my service on two different occasions. The first time she did this I appreciated it, the second time and I don't know, but I burst into laughter(maybe because I knew it was coming!!). It's just really difficult to interact with a group of people when you really don't have any of the same experiences as them. They are at the age I was when I getting ready to deploy to Iraq or when I was in Iraq fighting for my country. How strange is that ? Really! I'm mean seriously one of probably my closest friends was in 10th grade when I was in Iraq. Now tell me that isn't strange at all and what's funny is I can continue on and on with stuff that just doesn't make sense at all with what I'm experiencing now in my life. Well it's 00:34 or 12:34 for you non military types which means it's time for this guy to get some sleep. Good night and sleep tight.
© Nathan Fahlin
Today was a pretty good day overall. Started out well with rollerblading with a friend, then came home ate more food lol, got my room in order, put in a few more job applications, and hung out with friends. The more I continue to push forward with the doctor appointments with the VA the tougher it gets for me to control my mood, it seems more then often my days shrink away and I'm left feeling isolated. Here are some pretty cold hard truths about me: 1) I don't trust people easily because I was burned my a close friend from my high school days, 2) I have struggled with rejection and acceptance most of my life, 3) I struggle trusting God and myself. It's hard for me to share this with others, but it's all a part of me right now. Do I like these thing ? No, I want change to happen, but I'm just not sure where to start.
There are a lot of positives about me and who I am along with my relationship with Jesus and God. There has been a lot of frustration lately and I'm not sure what I can do about it. I look at my peers meaning other Christians who I'm around, but not really my age because we're two very different groups. And I think wow could I be more different from these people ? One thing I do love that God is doing which is how He's using the body of believers that He has put around me in this time of my life to help guide me, teach me, and use me in many different ways. The truth is God really knows what he's doing and I say that with all the confidence in my heart. I've got some great godly men and women around, peers who really love God and not just on the surface, they continue to push me in ways that help propel me with my walk with God and Jesus. I do believe that God is using this time in my life to teach me a lot of different things and I don't really know why exactly, but I know He does.
It's different when people who are your peers thank for your service to your country. A good example of this is a woman I know who is probably only twenty or so has thanked me for my service on two different occasions. The first time she did this I appreciated it, the second time and I don't know, but I burst into laughter(maybe because I knew it was coming!!). It's just really difficult to interact with a group of people when you really don't have any of the same experiences as them. They are at the age I was when I getting ready to deploy to Iraq or when I was in Iraq fighting for my country. How strange is that ? Really! I'm mean seriously one of probably my closest friends was in 10th grade when I was in Iraq. Now tell me that isn't strange at all and what's funny is I can continue on and on with stuff that just doesn't make sense at all with what I'm experiencing now in my life. Well it's 00:34 or 12:34 for you non military types which means it's time for this guy to get some sleep. Good night and sleep tight.
© Nathan Fahlin
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Normal or Not
It's that's simple if you ask me. I'm not going to define what normal or what is not normal, but what I want to do is to simply show you all the difference between safe and not safe...........maybe that's a better title oh well.
The general reality of this topic is that most people like to live safe and peaceful lives with the least amount of stress in their homes and families. See we have a choice to make in our lives and with what we do for our professions. I think the majority of people who rather work in an office building rather then do something dangerous like being a cop or fire fighter and if you wanna go really extreme look at the men and women who give their lives to being in the military. Lots of times these people are running toward the danger putting their own lives at risk to come and help others in their time of need. I can't speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself and why I choose what I do for a career.
For me it's all help severing whether it's for the country, state, city, or whatever it is. I made a choice a long time ago to be a soldier and I've taken an in depth look at that decision. I'm a protector through and through that's the way I've been wired. It's not really normal for people to be running toward burning building making sure people aren't trapped inside or running toward a fire fight where people are injured or possibly dying. Those things aren't natural for most people and therefore those who do those professions aren't normal, not that I'm saying being either is bad.
Now I'm going to take a turn here and talk about something that's very different, but to me it relates to this topic very clearly. See we have a choice as Christians to make as well. We have the choice to live a safe comfortable life in our homes or we can trust God and take a huge step of faith to live a life worth living. A life that will make an impact, a lasting impression around those who know us. See there are a lot of different views and thoughts as to how Christians choose to live their lives. For me it's all about making a difference, getting into the game, staying plugged in. What this means for me is putting my life into the hands God and trusting him that he will completely meet my needs, yet there is one small problem I like having things planned out. Trusting that God knows what's best for me and not leaning on my own understanding. I'm sure a lot of people would look at this and be like umm are you nuts ?, but this is again another piece of the puzzle showing others that who I am and what I want to do with my life is not normal. Does this mean that I want to be an overseas missionary no it does not, but what it does mean is that I don't want someone else doing what God wanted me to do in the first place.
I choose to answer the call God has put on my life, I choose to be different then the rest of my peers by living the life God has called me to live so that everything that I do is done for him. To me it's all being the difference maker, to get in the game. See to me we as followers of Jesus we were meant to be something more, we were meant to be courageous and passion about the kingdom. Well there it is this is the difference between living a comfortable christian life and a radical christian life. This is the choice to live in our big comfortable houses with more then what we need or to get something that fits our every need in a place where we can make a difference. I want to be that difference maker, I want to be live the live God has called me to whatever that is and wherever he takes me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkM-gDcmJeM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8BBCYFAYRI&ob=av2e
© Nathan Fahlin
The general reality of this topic is that most people like to live safe and peaceful lives with the least amount of stress in their homes and families. See we have a choice to make in our lives and with what we do for our professions. I think the majority of people who rather work in an office building rather then do something dangerous like being a cop or fire fighter and if you wanna go really extreme look at the men and women who give their lives to being in the military. Lots of times these people are running toward the danger putting their own lives at risk to come and help others in their time of need. I can't speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself and why I choose what I do for a career.
For me it's all help severing whether it's for the country, state, city, or whatever it is. I made a choice a long time ago to be a soldier and I've taken an in depth look at that decision. I'm a protector through and through that's the way I've been wired. It's not really normal for people to be running toward burning building making sure people aren't trapped inside or running toward a fire fight where people are injured or possibly dying. Those things aren't natural for most people and therefore those who do those professions aren't normal, not that I'm saying being either is bad.
Now I'm going to take a turn here and talk about something that's very different, but to me it relates to this topic very clearly. See we have a choice as Christians to make as well. We have the choice to live a safe comfortable life in our homes or we can trust God and take a huge step of faith to live a life worth living. A life that will make an impact, a lasting impression around those who know us. See there are a lot of different views and thoughts as to how Christians choose to live their lives. For me it's all about making a difference, getting into the game, staying plugged in. What this means for me is putting my life into the hands God and trusting him that he will completely meet my needs, yet there is one small problem I like having things planned out. Trusting that God knows what's best for me and not leaning on my own understanding. I'm sure a lot of people would look at this and be like umm are you nuts ?, but this is again another piece of the puzzle showing others that who I am and what I want to do with my life is not normal. Does this mean that I want to be an overseas missionary no it does not, but what it does mean is that I don't want someone else doing what God wanted me to do in the first place.
I choose to answer the call God has put on my life, I choose to be different then the rest of my peers by living the life God has called me to live so that everything that I do is done for him. To me it's all being the difference maker, to get in the game. See to me we as followers of Jesus we were meant to be something more, we were meant to be courageous and passion about the kingdom. Well there it is this is the difference between living a comfortable christian life and a radical christian life. This is the choice to live in our big comfortable houses with more then what we need or to get something that fits our every need in a place where we can make a difference. I want to be that difference maker, I want to be live the live God has called me to whatever that is and wherever he takes me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkM-gDcmJeM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8BBCYFAYRI&ob=av2e
© Nathan Fahlin
Friday, August 12, 2011
Marriage and Me(I guess)
Well this will certainly be a most interesting topic and maybe this is a little much, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. Those of you who are following my blog will see a large portion of my heart and with that comes a certain vulnerability.
For some reason or another people think being that I'm 27 years old that I should be getting married and let me tell you right now if you think for one moment that you can try to set me up with someone you got another thing coming. There will probably a lot of baggage that comes out, but it's stuff that I deal with and no one seems to notice or if they do they just don't think that it's a big deal. Right now as it is I know I want to get married someday, but do I think I'm ready for another person to enter into my world right now that is a very good question, but I'm afraid to say only time will tell.
Lets get something straight right now and have a good hard look at the facts of me. I'm 27 years old who's already been through more then most people will experience in their entire lives in this country. In one night I was blown up by an I.E.D. E.F.P. (Improvised Explosive Device, Explosively Formed Penetrator) which should of killed all of us that night, but it didn't we survived. All three of us are walking miracles if you ask me and it's all thanks to God and that is something I 100% truly believe from the bottom of my heart. With these experiences comes certain side affects if you follow me here. There are a lot of things that I'm just now starting to deal with and trying to figure out what's going on with me so I can adapt and overcome this crap with hopes to preform better in college along with the rest of my life. This means that I simply don't have the background that a lot of the people I hang out with at my church and at college which makes times hard because I'm forced into a world where I don't feel comfortable. (I have close friends and they know what's really happening with me and let me tell you right now, better friends there are none. They continue to lift me up with encouragement, make me laugh, bring joy to gloomy days, display the right perspective that I need to have with life among other things. I have two of the best spiritual leaders a guy could ever ask for in my pastors. They continue to push me and challenge me in becoming more and more like Christ, becoming that Godly Man that I am needed to be. For that I'm truly grateful and yeah it's a bit of rant, but they need to know how much they mean to me.)
When people talk about marriage and me in the same sentence I tend to just shake my head because it's always at times in my life where frankly I'm at a low point or struggling with stuff. They have no idea what's going inside of me and I don't know if they just assume that I need a wife or a girlfriend or whatever and that is beyond my reasoning. Sometimes I wonder if they even consider what I would have to say before even opening their mouths. My first question is: "Do they know me well enough ?", "Will they accept my answer regardless of what it is?", and "Have they known me long enough to judge my character?" Every time someone presents me with the idea of dating woman these are the questions I ask myself to evaluate the worth of what they have to say. One thing that continually bugs is that people think since I'm 27 that I should be married, but the facts that I'm still in college, living at home, jobless jump out right away to me along with the facts that I hate the whole crap that comes with trying to figure out if people like you or they are just being nice. For me you best just spell it out sister cause this guy just doesn't read the signs or signals. HECK! You might as well use smoke signals or talk to me in a foreign language. I will say this if you want my attention because you like just blatantly tell me or I'm as likely to pass it over as being hit on and the truth is I don't much care for it. It maybe flattering, but that is not the way this guy rolls ya hear.
The truth is I have faults just like everyone and I know that I'm not prefect trust me, but I continue to push forward to achieve the goals that have been set before with school, life, and to continue to strive toward the glory of what it means to be more refined to the image of Christ Jesus. It brings me great comfort reading verses such as the one that talks about, "the good work that has begun in you will be brought to a completion and that I have run a race and have reached the goal." To me a guy who's looking at the possibility of being diagnosed with P.T.S.D. this brings me great comfort to know that someday it won't be there anymore along with the other issues I've dealt with from Iraq.
So I leave you all with this. Please refrain from trying to set me up with women and if you do dare to set me up then you best believe that you know me well enough to encourage a relationship or at least the pursuit of one. If you respect me then you will truly and carefully consider my character and whom I'm becoming as I continue to seek after Christ Jesus and continue to be reforged into his image. It is now 1:12 am and I am going to bed so good night and God Bless!
© Nathan Fahlin
For some reason or another people think being that I'm 27 years old that I should be getting married and let me tell you right now if you think for one moment that you can try to set me up with someone you got another thing coming. There will probably a lot of baggage that comes out, but it's stuff that I deal with and no one seems to notice or if they do they just don't think that it's a big deal. Right now as it is I know I want to get married someday, but do I think I'm ready for another person to enter into my world right now that is a very good question, but I'm afraid to say only time will tell.
Lets get something straight right now and have a good hard look at the facts of me. I'm 27 years old who's already been through more then most people will experience in their entire lives in this country. In one night I was blown up by an I.E.D. E.F.P. (Improvised Explosive Device, Explosively Formed Penetrator) which should of killed all of us that night, but it didn't we survived. All three of us are walking miracles if you ask me and it's all thanks to God and that is something I 100% truly believe from the bottom of my heart. With these experiences comes certain side affects if you follow me here. There are a lot of things that I'm just now starting to deal with and trying to figure out what's going on with me so I can adapt and overcome this crap with hopes to preform better in college along with the rest of my life. This means that I simply don't have the background that a lot of the people I hang out with at my church and at college which makes times hard because I'm forced into a world where I don't feel comfortable. (I have close friends and they know what's really happening with me and let me tell you right now, better friends there are none. They continue to lift me up with encouragement, make me laugh, bring joy to gloomy days, display the right perspective that I need to have with life among other things. I have two of the best spiritual leaders a guy could ever ask for in my pastors. They continue to push me and challenge me in becoming more and more like Christ, becoming that Godly Man that I am needed to be. For that I'm truly grateful and yeah it's a bit of rant, but they need to know how much they mean to me.)
When people talk about marriage and me in the same sentence I tend to just shake my head because it's always at times in my life where frankly I'm at a low point or struggling with stuff. They have no idea what's going inside of me and I don't know if they just assume that I need a wife or a girlfriend or whatever and that is beyond my reasoning. Sometimes I wonder if they even consider what I would have to say before even opening their mouths. My first question is: "Do they know me well enough ?", "Will they accept my answer regardless of what it is?", and "Have they known me long enough to judge my character?" Every time someone presents me with the idea of dating woman these are the questions I ask myself to evaluate the worth of what they have to say. One thing that continually bugs is that people think since I'm 27 that I should be married, but the facts that I'm still in college, living at home, jobless jump out right away to me along with the facts that I hate the whole crap that comes with trying to figure out if people like you or they are just being nice. For me you best just spell it out sister cause this guy just doesn't read the signs or signals. HECK! You might as well use smoke signals or talk to me in a foreign language. I will say this if you want my attention because you like just blatantly tell me or I'm as likely to pass it over as being hit on and the truth is I don't much care for it. It maybe flattering, but that is not the way this guy rolls ya hear.
The truth is I have faults just like everyone and I know that I'm not prefect trust me, but I continue to push forward to achieve the goals that have been set before with school, life, and to continue to strive toward the glory of what it means to be more refined to the image of Christ Jesus. It brings me great comfort reading verses such as the one that talks about, "the good work that has begun in you will be brought to a completion and that I have run a race and have reached the goal." To me a guy who's looking at the possibility of being diagnosed with P.T.S.D. this brings me great comfort to know that someday it won't be there anymore along with the other issues I've dealt with from Iraq.
So I leave you all with this. Please refrain from trying to set me up with women and if you do dare to set me up then you best believe that you know me well enough to encourage a relationship or at least the pursuit of one. If you respect me then you will truly and carefully consider my character and whom I'm becoming as I continue to seek after Christ Jesus and continue to be reforged into his image. It is now 1:12 am and I am going to bed so good night and God Bless!
© Nathan Fahlin
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Veterans and Society
Yeah this is going to probably tick some people off, but it needs to come out. The truth about two very different cultures and why both sides have an extremely hard time dealing with each other. I hinted about something in a previous post and this is exactly what I've been wanting to talk about.
So where to begin................oh I know lets take a trip through the past and lets look at what happened during the 60s and 70s with the treatment of veterans returning home from war. I specifically want to look back at the Vietnam era. Arguably this was the worst treatment of American service men and women then of any generation that had gone off to war( I'm not going into politics so don't bring it up if you comment, thank). What these veterans endured no one should of, but it happened I mean we're talking about sheep's blood being splashed on Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines a like, being spit on and mocked for fighting and dying for their country. It was a disaster and you know what history is about to repeat itself if we as a Nation aren't careful to watch the treatment of veterans. Oh by the way I knew an old Navy Masterchief who is a Vietnam Era veteran and he recalled returning home and having sheep's blood splash and that for me really brought the whole experience home about what happened to these Vietnam Era veterans.
I've talked to many Vietnam veterans and I must say they have much respect for what they went through when they came home from Vietnam. It was just absolutely terrible the way they were treated by their fellow countrymen. They probably have more of my respect then any other generation out there of veterans. I'm proud to have met the veterans from that era and all other veterans who have gone before me in service of this great nation.
So why the clashes between veterans and society ? Why do people continually feel the need to trash veterans for severing their country ? The clash seems to be stirred up once again and this time the veterans are completely different, but so far most of the conflict I believe have been with the veterans who specifically have P.T.S.D. (post traumatic stress disorder). I say this because everyone seems to think just because a veteran has P.T.S.D. that makes them crazy, untrustworthy, and blood thirsty killers or some dumb thing like that. I think people need to realize that if this continues we as a nation could be looking at a repeat of what happened during the Vietnam Era and to be just honest with ya'll I would not be surprised if that happened. Let's look at how long we've been in Iraq and Afghanistan, Iraq easily 9 years maybe closing in on 10 and Afghanistan 10 years closing in on 11. That is to long for the current forces in our nation's military to keep fighting and not have our servicemen and women having a lot of issues rising up from three or more deployments.
So here's the challenge. How do we as a nation help bridge the ever widening gap between society and our military members ? I think first and foremost we must educate ourselves better along with the news media that is doing the reporting of what's happening with our nation's veterans. A lot of people will never understand what we as Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, and Airmen have faced while in Iraq or Afghanistan, but they should be able to educate themselves as to help them better grasp the reality of what is happening to them. Another sad truth is in the not to distant future most Americans probably won't want to join the military unless they know someone who was at some point in their life.
With all that's been said I must say I'm not to excited about the future and treatment by society and veterans a like simply because of the gap that is growing year by year. People don't feel the need to respect these brave men and women who put their lives on the line. Who've lost friends and have experienced more then most people in the United States will ever. Heck, we aren't a third world country, but that doesn't mean things don't need to change around. I hope you enjoyed reading because I truly enjoyed writing it. I pray that something is done to stop the ever widening gap between our veterans and society.
© Nathan Fahlin
So where to begin................oh I know lets take a trip through the past and lets look at what happened during the 60s and 70s with the treatment of veterans returning home from war. I specifically want to look back at the Vietnam era. Arguably this was the worst treatment of American service men and women then of any generation that had gone off to war( I'm not going into politics so don't bring it up if you comment, thank). What these veterans endured no one should of, but it happened I mean we're talking about sheep's blood being splashed on Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines a like, being spit on and mocked for fighting and dying for their country. It was a disaster and you know what history is about to repeat itself if we as a Nation aren't careful to watch the treatment of veterans. Oh by the way I knew an old Navy Masterchief who is a Vietnam Era veteran and he recalled returning home and having sheep's blood splash and that for me really brought the whole experience home about what happened to these Vietnam Era veterans.
I've talked to many Vietnam veterans and I must say they have much respect for what they went through when they came home from Vietnam. It was just absolutely terrible the way they were treated by their fellow countrymen. They probably have more of my respect then any other generation out there of veterans. I'm proud to have met the veterans from that era and all other veterans who have gone before me in service of this great nation.
So why the clashes between veterans and society ? Why do people continually feel the need to trash veterans for severing their country ? The clash seems to be stirred up once again and this time the veterans are completely different, but so far most of the conflict I believe have been with the veterans who specifically have P.T.S.D. (post traumatic stress disorder). I say this because everyone seems to think just because a veteran has P.T.S.D. that makes them crazy, untrustworthy, and blood thirsty killers or some dumb thing like that. I think people need to realize that if this continues we as a nation could be looking at a repeat of what happened during the Vietnam Era and to be just honest with ya'll I would not be surprised if that happened. Let's look at how long we've been in Iraq and Afghanistan, Iraq easily 9 years maybe closing in on 10 and Afghanistan 10 years closing in on 11. That is to long for the current forces in our nation's military to keep fighting and not have our servicemen and women having a lot of issues rising up from three or more deployments.
So here's the challenge. How do we as a nation help bridge the ever widening gap between society and our military members ? I think first and foremost we must educate ourselves better along with the news media that is doing the reporting of what's happening with our nation's veterans. A lot of people will never understand what we as Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, and Airmen have faced while in Iraq or Afghanistan, but they should be able to educate themselves as to help them better grasp the reality of what is happening to them. Another sad truth is in the not to distant future most Americans probably won't want to join the military unless they know someone who was at some point in their life.
With all that's been said I must say I'm not to excited about the future and treatment by society and veterans a like simply because of the gap that is growing year by year. People don't feel the need to respect these brave men and women who put their lives on the line. Who've lost friends and have experienced more then most people in the United States will ever. Heck, we aren't a third world country, but that doesn't mean things don't need to change around. I hope you enjoyed reading because I truly enjoyed writing it. I pray that something is done to stop the ever widening gap between our veterans and society.
© Nathan Fahlin
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Why we do it
This posted is going to be dedicated to those brave men and women in our armed forces. Who do more then their share for this great country. To the men I served with Iraq and those who I encountered during my time there as well. These people that I'm writing about have earned the utmost respect, but there is a growing concern in my heart.
Just this weekend we lost some of the best trained members of the military community when a Chinook helicopter was shot in Afghanistan. Twenty two of those who died with members of the famous Seal Team Six who just recently conducted a raid in Pakistan which ended with the death of Osama Bin Laden. These men are some of the best trained in the world and most have dedicated their lives to serving their country until they are killed in action (K.I.A.) or until they retire. I sit at this table talking about these more then courageous men because they give it their all, all the time. They understand the risks that they are taking.
Being a veteran myself a lot of people tend to ask me, "Why ?, Why did I serve ?, Why did I choose the Army, Why did I choose the Infantry ?" So now I get to share with you who all decided to follow this my reasons. I was 16 years old and in my sophomore year of high school, arguably my best year of school to. My oldest brother had just enlisted into the Army as a tank driver meaning he would drive the Abrams Main Battle tank. That tank is the meanest tank on the battlefield, with it's jet turbine engine it can reach top speeds of 45 mph and it's 120mm main can take out enemy tanks at two miles(heck of a long distance!!!). With all that said the military has been in my family from my Dad's Dad and great uncles and now it carries on with my brother along with me.
So to the questions. I knew I needed serve so I could understand how this country was made and what these men and women had gone through before me. To understand the dedication, the sacrifice, the hardships and many more. These are things that have helped molded me into the man I am today. A lot of time people ask me if I would change anything about my time in the Army or in Iraq and every time I tell them no, I wouldn't change a thing. There were good times and there were some really crappy times. Times where I wondered if I was going to make it home and there is more to that story still. I knew I was going into the Infantry of the moment I decided I was going to serve my country. People ask why would you join the Infantry ? What most fail to realize it's not about war or killing or any of that stuff. For me it was all about being part of something greater then myself. The Infantry is like a fraternity as it picks the man. Here's a quote I would like to share with all of you :
"People pick the army - they become mechanics, water-supply specialists, cooks, clerks - but the infantry is different. The infantry picks the man: men who do poorly in math, excel at athletics, love their mothers, fear their fathers; men who have something to prove or feel they have already proven it all. Infantrymen are like guard dogs at a rich man's house. When people come to visit, they lock us up in the garage and tell us not to bark, but when night falls and there is a noise outside, everyone is glad we're there. And that's what we were out there doing, guarding against bumps in the night." - John Crawford, author of "The Last True Story I'll Ever Tell"
This quote sums up everything about being in the Infantry if you ask me. It describes men who are just a little more rough around the edges. These are the type of men I had the chance to serve with and boy let me tell you they are some of the finest soldiers I've ever had the pleasure of serving with and fighting besides. They all know who they are, they are some of the most proudest, yet stubborn individuals I have ever met. They are like brothers to me, brothers that share a common bond. Did we all see eye to eye, no, but if we needed each other like the way we did when we lost one of our soldiers they were their for us. Dang do I love these men and I thank God that I got the chance to serve with them. I'm proud to call them brothers in arms, because we all answered the call to become what our Nation needed us to be. I could leave you all with some fancy quotes from history, but this quote is more fitting then any other that I've seen in a long time. This is why we do because it's not about us, it's about something bigger then, something that needs to be recognized by our Nation.
Warning Quote is Unedited
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This quote is from the movie BlackHawk Down. The conversation takes place between SGT Matt Eversman and Hoot. "When I go home people'll ask me, "Hey Hoot, why do you do it man? What, you some kinda war junkie?" You know what I'll say? I won't say a goddamn word. Why? They won't understand. They won't understand why we do it. They won't understand that it's about the men next to you, and that's it. That's all it is."
© Nathan Fahlin
Just this weekend we lost some of the best trained members of the military community when a Chinook helicopter was shot in Afghanistan. Twenty two of those who died with members of the famous Seal Team Six who just recently conducted a raid in Pakistan which ended with the death of Osama Bin Laden. These men are some of the best trained in the world and most have dedicated their lives to serving their country until they are killed in action (K.I.A.) or until they retire. I sit at this table talking about these more then courageous men because they give it their all, all the time. They understand the risks that they are taking.
Being a veteran myself a lot of people tend to ask me, "Why ?, Why did I serve ?, Why did I choose the Army, Why did I choose the Infantry ?" So now I get to share with you who all decided to follow this my reasons. I was 16 years old and in my sophomore year of high school, arguably my best year of school to. My oldest brother had just enlisted into the Army as a tank driver meaning he would drive the Abrams Main Battle tank. That tank is the meanest tank on the battlefield, with it's jet turbine engine it can reach top speeds of 45 mph and it's 120mm main can take out enemy tanks at two miles(heck of a long distance!!!). With all that said the military has been in my family from my Dad's Dad and great uncles and now it carries on with my brother along with me.
So to the questions. I knew I needed serve so I could understand how this country was made and what these men and women had gone through before me. To understand the dedication, the sacrifice, the hardships and many more. These are things that have helped molded me into the man I am today. A lot of time people ask me if I would change anything about my time in the Army or in Iraq and every time I tell them no, I wouldn't change a thing. There were good times and there were some really crappy times. Times where I wondered if I was going to make it home and there is more to that story still. I knew I was going into the Infantry of the moment I decided I was going to serve my country. People ask why would you join the Infantry ? What most fail to realize it's not about war or killing or any of that stuff. For me it was all about being part of something greater then myself. The Infantry is like a fraternity as it picks the man. Here's a quote I would like to share with all of you :
"People pick the army - they become mechanics, water-supply specialists, cooks, clerks - but the infantry is different. The infantry picks the man: men who do poorly in math, excel at athletics, love their mothers, fear their fathers; men who have something to prove or feel they have already proven it all. Infantrymen are like guard dogs at a rich man's house. When people come to visit, they lock us up in the garage and tell us not to bark, but when night falls and there is a noise outside, everyone is glad we're there. And that's what we were out there doing, guarding against bumps in the night." - John Crawford, author of "The Last True Story I'll Ever Tell"
This quote sums up everything about being in the Infantry if you ask me. It describes men who are just a little more rough around the edges. These are the type of men I had the chance to serve with and boy let me tell you they are some of the finest soldiers I've ever had the pleasure of serving with and fighting besides. They all know who they are, they are some of the most proudest, yet stubborn individuals I have ever met. They are like brothers to me, brothers that share a common bond. Did we all see eye to eye, no, but if we needed each other like the way we did when we lost one of our soldiers they were their for us. Dang do I love these men and I thank God that I got the chance to serve with them. I'm proud to call them brothers in arms, because we all answered the call to become what our Nation needed us to be. I could leave you all with some fancy quotes from history, but this quote is more fitting then any other that I've seen in a long time. This is why we do because it's not about us, it's about something bigger then, something that needs to be recognized by our Nation.
Warning Quote is Unedited
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This quote is from the movie BlackHawk Down. The conversation takes place between SGT Matt Eversman and Hoot. "When I go home people'll ask me, "Hey Hoot, why do you do it man? What, you some kinda war junkie?" You know what I'll say? I won't say a goddamn word. Why? They won't understand. They won't understand why we do it. They won't understand that it's about the men next to you, and that's it. That's all it is."
© Nathan Fahlin
Friday, August 5, 2011
Laughter
I believe laughter is truly one of the best medicines that God created. It's one of the few things that can bring people together so that they can share the joy of the moment or of whatever is happening around them.
This is something that I seem to do very which is laugh and I seem to laugh a lot too. Today I want to take the time to share a story about laughter with all of you who are reading this. If any of you have heard me laugh well then you know the effect that it carries with it. My laugh has been described in many ways such as: Saturday morning cartoon villain laugh, evil Santa Clause laugh, hearty, the count from Sesame Street, and the list goes on and on trust me.
The story takes place in Iraq and the date is later March of 2007. If my memory serves me correct that night we had been waken up from a sound sleep because someone had decided to shoot some tracers at our little patrol base. When your patrol base had just taken seven rounds of IDF (that's indirect fire for you civies) earlier in the year anything like that is enough to get everyone to their positions. This is all taking place during the big push in Baghdad which caused the insurgents to scatter throughout the country. Okay back to the story...................stupid rabbit trail lol I'm gonna find that rabbit and make him dead lol. So with all that said a bunch of us are sitting around in our little entertainment trailer drinking Gatorade, water, and Rip Its while watching some comedy movie. I can't remember the movie, but what I do remember is the fact we were just relaxing and having a good time. What I remember that happened next was in just what seemed to be like a matter of seconds and the next thing I know I'm pretty much doubled over in my chair just laughing like the flood gates had just broken loose. I remember the look of my fellow soldiers faces as they watched me just be consumed by the laughter.
Fast forward to the present day and now it seems that people know me for my laugh. I was in a movie theater recently watching Thor with my brother (good movie, but to short imo) and I'm just laughing because it's one of those movies where you can hardly keep quiet. So at the end of the movie my brother says to me, " Is that so and so from church?" Sure enough there sitting down the row from us in the same isle is a couple from our church. So I turned my head to look and I confirmed it lol They got up and walked towards us, they knew from the moment I laughed in the theater that I was in there. I guess being recognized by your laugh isn't a bad thing, but it sure is hard to go places without people knowing you're there simply because of your laugh.
With all that being said I really do believe that laughter is one of the best medicines out there for us when the times are getting hard or we're just in a downward slope. So I encourage you to get out and enjoy life, find some joy if you're having a hard time or the trails you are facing seem to hard to continue with.
" Joy is the most infallible sign of the presence of God."
© Nathan Fahlin
This is something that I seem to do very which is laugh and I seem to laugh a lot too. Today I want to take the time to share a story about laughter with all of you who are reading this. If any of you have heard me laugh well then you know the effect that it carries with it. My laugh has been described in many ways such as: Saturday morning cartoon villain laugh, evil Santa Clause laugh, hearty, the count from Sesame Street, and the list goes on and on trust me.
The story takes place in Iraq and the date is later March of 2007. If my memory serves me correct that night we had been waken up from a sound sleep because someone had decided to shoot some tracers at our little patrol base. When your patrol base had just taken seven rounds of IDF (that's indirect fire for you civies) earlier in the year anything like that is enough to get everyone to their positions. This is all taking place during the big push in Baghdad which caused the insurgents to scatter throughout the country. Okay back to the story...................stupid rabbit trail lol I'm gonna find that rabbit and make him dead lol. So with all that said a bunch of us are sitting around in our little entertainment trailer drinking Gatorade, water, and Rip Its while watching some comedy movie. I can't remember the movie, but what I do remember is the fact we were just relaxing and having a good time. What I remember that happened next was in just what seemed to be like a matter of seconds and the next thing I know I'm pretty much doubled over in my chair just laughing like the flood gates had just broken loose. I remember the look of my fellow soldiers faces as they watched me just be consumed by the laughter.
Fast forward to the present day and now it seems that people know me for my laugh. I was in a movie theater recently watching Thor with my brother (good movie, but to short imo) and I'm just laughing because it's one of those movies where you can hardly keep quiet. So at the end of the movie my brother says to me, " Is that so and so from church?" Sure enough there sitting down the row from us in the same isle is a couple from our church. So I turned my head to look and I confirmed it lol They got up and walked towards us, they knew from the moment I laughed in the theater that I was in there. I guess being recognized by your laugh isn't a bad thing, but it sure is hard to go places without people knowing you're there simply because of your laugh.
With all that being said I really do believe that laughter is one of the best medicines out there for us when the times are getting hard or we're just in a downward slope. So I encourage you to get out and enjoy life, find some joy if you're having a hard time or the trails you are facing seem to hard to continue with.
" Joy is the most infallible sign of the presence of God."
© Nathan Fahlin
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
The Battle Continues
Forget the title on this until I can figure out what I want to call it.
So this is my trial I guess. Right now I'm not sure what to do about school and finding a job isn't going to be easy like some people think it is. But this all started way back in February or March of this year. Everything started out like a normal day except when I decided to take a nap after lunch. Bad idea and here's why, I'm completely asleep then from the top of the stairs my brothers mother in law yells for (here's where it goes down hill). I hear the yelling and wake up with adrenaline just rushing through my vanes and I'm pretty much ready to fight except one problem is I'm not in Iraq, I'm at home.
Now the question is what to do about this. I'm just starting a string of appointments with the VA which is going to interesting to say the least. Last week I had my second appointment at the T.B.I. (Traumatic Brain Injury) Clinic down in the Twin Cities. I probably spent an hour there and got everything out that's been nagging at me through school and the time I've been home. It's interesting because I tired to talk to the VA last year about this stuff and they said, " You're fine." Now I'm back dealing with the same crap and the question is will they listen this time or will things have to get worse before they give me the help I need. Right now everything I'm dealing with all points to one four letter acronym which is P.S.T.D. (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). A lot of what is happening right now is documentation then it would move on diagnose then treatment.
P.T.S.D............wow that's a mouthful to say and to get out when you're talking to people about what's been going on in your life recently. Just this past Tuesday at my life group the men their asked because I had told them about it and boy was it hard to get those words out of my mouth. If this is what I get diagnosed with P.T.S.D. I just don't want to get labeled by people and that will surely piss me off. People have been praying for me about this because it's hard to deal with something like. It's like you know what's happening, but you can't do anything. If this is P.T.S.D. that I'm struggling with then it then it's gonna be interesting to see how they treat it. I don't really want to acknowledge this and don't hardly want to deal with it to be honest, but if I don't deal with it now then who knows what would happen.
One of the bigger problems I have is if this is P.T.S.D. is who would want to put up with me, who want to marry a guy like me. It's baggage and I know that their are a lot of people in this world with baggage these days who are Christians who've married others that have their issues which helps to comfort me. This could really alter my career choices to and that is another reason why I'm pressing forward with this. So I'm gonna leave you all with these two verses which are as follows:
Philippians 4:8
5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
So this is my trial I guess. Right now I'm not sure what to do about school and finding a job isn't going to be easy like some people think it is. But this all started way back in February or March of this year. Everything started out like a normal day except when I decided to take a nap after lunch. Bad idea and here's why, I'm completely asleep then from the top of the stairs my brothers mother in law yells for (here's where it goes down hill). I hear the yelling and wake up with adrenaline just rushing through my vanes and I'm pretty much ready to fight except one problem is I'm not in Iraq, I'm at home.
Now the question is what to do about this. I'm just starting a string of appointments with the VA which is going to interesting to say the least. Last week I had my second appointment at the T.B.I. (Traumatic Brain Injury) Clinic down in the Twin Cities. I probably spent an hour there and got everything out that's been nagging at me through school and the time I've been home. It's interesting because I tired to talk to the VA last year about this stuff and they said, " You're fine." Now I'm back dealing with the same crap and the question is will they listen this time or will things have to get worse before they give me the help I need. Right now everything I'm dealing with all points to one four letter acronym which is P.S.T.D. (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). A lot of what is happening right now is documentation then it would move on diagnose then treatment.
P.T.S.D............wow that's a mouthful to say and to get out when you're talking to people about what's been going on in your life recently. Just this past Tuesday at my life group the men their asked because I had told them about it and boy was it hard to get those words out of my mouth. If this is what I get diagnosed with P.T.S.D. I just don't want to get labeled by people and that will surely piss me off. People have been praying for me about this because it's hard to deal with something like. It's like you know what's happening, but you can't do anything. If this is P.T.S.D. that I'm struggling with then it then it's gonna be interesting to see how they treat it. I don't really want to acknowledge this and don't hardly want to deal with it to be honest, but if I don't deal with it now then who knows what would happen.
One of the bigger problems I have is if this is P.T.S.D. is who would want to put up with me, who want to marry a guy like me. It's baggage and I know that their are a lot of people in this world with baggage these days who are Christians who've married others that have their issues which helps to comfort me. This could really alter my career choices to and that is another reason why I'm pressing forward with this. So I'm gonna leave you all with these two verses which are as follows:
Philippians 4:8
(NIV)
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
2 Corinthians 10:5
5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
© Nathan Fahlin
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Introduction
Well I guess it's time to get the ball rolling. Okay where to start......hmmmm. Oh yes, some of you might be wondering why I chose the title I did for this. I decided to call it this because I wanted something that described me and who I am. I decided to start this blog because it's a way for me to get what's in my head out and in some sense vent a little of the frustrations that I have.
Life for me is very different and the way I 'see' things is completely different then the average person would. The whole purpose if there is a purpose to thing other then to put my rambling thoughts on the internet for others to read is to let people see my thoughts on what's going on if nothing else maybe it will entertain others.......who knows.
I came up with this idea the other day when I was outside working on getting wood ready for the winter since that is how we heat our house. Postings will happen whenever there is potentially interesting thoughts on certain topics and yes that could be everyday, but I won't be posting that often.
I do hope that people will find some of the posts interesting if not the least bit entertaining to a some degree and if not then well I guess that's to bad for you because I'm not changing anytime soon, unless God says so.
© Nathan Fahlin
Life for me is very different and the way I 'see' things is completely different then the average person would. The whole purpose if there is a purpose to thing other then to put my rambling thoughts on the internet for others to read is to let people see my thoughts on what's going on if nothing else maybe it will entertain others.......who knows.
I came up with this idea the other day when I was outside working on getting wood ready for the winter since that is how we heat our house. Postings will happen whenever there is potentially interesting thoughts on certain topics and yes that could be everyday, but I won't be posting that often.
I do hope that people will find some of the posts interesting if not the least bit entertaining to a some degree and if not then well I guess that's to bad for you because I'm not changing anytime soon, unless God says so.
© Nathan Fahlin
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)